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anon Jan 28
it's funny
when we'd drive together
you'd scream-sing
and i'd sit and laugh
happy to see
that you were happy
and enjoying yourself

then i'd go home
and abuse the "repeat" button
listening to the songs
you'd made me love

and i'd find myself humming them
and then singing them
and then screaming them in the car
even when you weren't there

i put them in every playlist
because i remembered
how happy you were
when you'd sing them

but now that i know
you'll never be in the driver's seat
scream-singing to me
ever
again

the songs i loved
have moved into my sad songs playlist
and have become
the songs i skip
without giving them a chance to play

and even though
the lyrics are upbeat
and happy

they've got me feeling
some kind of way
i don't wanna feel

sadness is overplayed
overhyped

everything
your songs
our songs
never were
anon Jan 28
perhaps
there's a relapse
in order

because
i remember
that a few years back
everything
made me sad
or bored
or upset
or pessimistic

and i'm not
antagonistic
but the
depressed me
couldn't think of
anything happy

and ten times
i tried

i tried to **** myself

the eleventh time i tried was last year

so it's been awhile
but not long enough

and now i'm feeling
negative
sad
desolate
again

and i don't want there
to be
a twelfth time

but i'm scared
i'll relapse
into destruction

and won't come out this time

twelve has always
always
been my lucky number

so if i try again
i'll
"get lucky"
and die

but i don't really want to die
anon Jan 24
for the past few years
this girl
has been missing

her name is elizabeth
or abigail
or judy
or jane
or laura
or julie
or becca
or sasheer
or any other girl
i don't know

i couldn't tell you her name

her last known location
was here
or there
or wandering around a target
not knowing where to go
or who to trust

she's ten
or twenty
or sixteen
or maybe she doesn't know

she's been out of it
for so long
she couldn't tell you
who she is
or where she's from

all she knows
is that she's alone
and afraid

but she doesn't know who took her

she knows
that she let go
of herself
for a moment
a split second

and now
she's gone
anon Nov 2018
when the man that sexually assaulted me
laughed
because i said i was going to talk about ****** assault
i felt weaker than i
had ever felt
because suddenly
even though i knew what i wanted to say
and i knew i had a voice
i felt so little
and inconsequential
it was almost as though
he had stolen my voice
again
anon Oct 2018
i play my cards
by ear
no strategy
no plan
i just
play the cards
because of what
i hear

he says

i love you

so i play the
i love you
card right back

he says

i need you

but i don't have that card
so i play another
i love you
and hope he doesn't
notice

he says

i care about you

and i want to play
doubt
but my cards
still say i
love
you

he says

you never listen

and i hear him
but my cards are blurry
through my tears
so i play
i love you
instead of sorry

he says

i don't believe you when you say you love me

but i've run out of cards to say i love you
so i finally play
i'm sorry

and he says i've wasted his time
and that he can't tell if i ever even cared
or loved

and i play an uno
+4 card
hoping he'll draw the
i love yous
i've discarded
and already played

but he draws
i hate you
i can't trust you
i've fallen out of love with you
and
i still want to care but i can't

and i'm crying again
and can't see my cards
so i play
i'm sorry
i'm sorry
i'm sorry
and
forgive me

and he looks at his hand and sighs
drawing a card
not knowing what to play
not knowing what to say
not even knowing who i am

and i draw too
pulling
i love you
from the deck
a cruel irony

he looks at me
waiting on my move
as i archive the card
and fold

he smiles weakly
and plays
i forgive you

but with my cards on the table
i'm forced to pay up
so i offer him
a final
i love you
as i walk away from the game
anon Sep 2018
as a young girl
I told my mother
I would never get married
and I stuck by that
for years

I got a boyfriend
but I knew
I was never
going to
actually
marry him

but as time goes on
and I get older
and people around me
are getting married
and starting lives
I keep listening to love songs
and noticing
what I want
in a husband

and I am not one
to settle
or settle down
but I made a
google doc
devoted to songs
I want played at my wedding
even though
I've never wanted
a wedding

my loneliness keeps creeping
in
watching me
but
I've finally
succumbed to it
and I want
to make it go away

and for the first time
in my ever expanding
life
I want to stop being alone
and can't stop pondering
childlike
dream wedding
fantasies

****
anon Sep 2018
long before the days of the netflix
streaming services
people either had cable
on demand
or got netflix dvds
like a mail order
redbox

but i grew up
with public television
pbs
the the public broadcast station
filled with stories
and shows
that wanted to teach
while entertaining

liberty kids taught me history
while cyberchase showed me
math can save the world
when it's important
arthur allowed children
everywhere
to see that we all are equal
and we all can be friends
because everybody that you see
has an original point of view

and i say hey!
why have we abandoned
the important lessons
for the sake of entertainment

my little brother makes jokes
about logan paul
recording
and exploiting
a suicide victim

my little brother told me
he wants to be the next
bachelor
on abc

my little brother called me
a **

when i was nine years old
like he is
i asked my mom
for extra television time
so i could tune into
fetch with ruff ruffman
at 3pm
and see science
in action

i begged for a game boy
not for madden17
i read by the light
of a little reading lamp
not with a blue glowing light
exuding from a new samsung tablet

i'm not saying technology
is bad
or that we should
regress

i'm saying our children
our siblings
and maybe even our friends
are growing up ******* up

and we can change that
but we never do

i want to tell my children
dragon tales
dragon tales
not to turn off youtube before bed
i want children now
to learn before they even
enter a classroom
but i suspect that no one
will listen
or even stop
to care
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