emotions are just another part of human perception which I can easily change with a little deception

If I could describe myself then I would be a star
i want to glow up everyones day
I want to shine bright
And I try to put a smile on your face
Oh and  how I try with all my might

I want to be the person that people need
Something they can wish on
I mean thats the only reason why I’m still here
R
I
G
H
T
?


I mean as much as I hate to admit it sometimes
Its hard to be a star
After all
I have to die over and over again
Explode
Die
Again and again
To give you what you want
I must become brand new

But don’t worry , I promise that I
That we
That she
Will still do anything for you

i didn't mind that you were hurt
i didn't mind that you were broken
covered with cracks
on your porcelain skin
it was shiny and beautiful
but just so thin
i didn't mind your demons
i really didn't
in fact
i invited them to try to take me down with you
i wanted to help you
you were close
so close to perfection
perfection
but instead i think i tied them into a noose
but darling, which one of us does it hang over?

i know theres something wrong

When I look in the mirror

Because instead rotting flesh falling to ground

I find a girl, she looks normal

Normal looking isn't enough



I know theres something wrong because when I walk through the halls I can hear screaming

Though I can't hear words

Just screams

it can't stop

   It won't stop



I know theres something wrong because when I open my phone

And look for a game

All can see

Are the terrible words

flooding the screen

why are you still here



I know theres something because when I smile at a certain person

They smile back , not a fake smile

Or a taunting smile

That all the other shadows cast

But real

i trust you



i know that somethings wrong because when I go to sleep

All I can see are thousands of menacing crows

Tearing at my insides

Tearing my heart apart

   i loved you

stuck in my head
I cant tell if you
love me
or want me dead
doesn't matter, your in my head
your loves so sweet
but your oh so mean
blood on my hands
looking at me
like you don't know who I am
way to drunk to stand
now I'm crashing
but I know I'll land
right back in your hands

wipe your teary eyes
theres no use crying
just keep smiling
do what your told
because this routine
is getting old
my heart I sold
as I watch this unfold

you loved me in spite of me
and now I can't breath
I wish I was high
to get rid of this low
I'm broken
don't you know
tear me apart
give me away
darling I really cannot stay
sorry

I'm sorry
in the masquerade
it was my heart that was played
time to make my not so grand exit
I'm just "Miss codependent"

how can you understand me
I don’t even understand myself
But if there’s one thing I’ve learned
You make the impossible
Possible

yes i'm sorry
all I wanted was to fix you
to fix you
but now your more broken then before
I just I wanted was for you to last longer
and be a little stronger
but I failed
I failed
but I will fail you no more
for your porcelain skin is to cracked
and your dress isn't even intact
and when I step back
and place you back on the shelf
I think of all that we've dealt with
and this toymaker
sad as i may be
have put you  away
i'm sorry
my black haired porcelain beauty

you thought when i opened up i was fearful
i was
not because I don't want to get hurt
but because I didn't want to hurt you

but now your locked in.

lately all i do is see you cry
its because of me
darling your eyes don't seem as bright
our love wont see the light
your fading

and i all i want is to see you smile
but i know that means i'll have to leave

and for a moment i pause
thinking of what we could be
or should i say
"could've been"
and it hurts
because i don't want to let go
i really dont

but doll your tears
bring out my worst fear
that your sad
mad
not happy
and i cant stand that
because that just not living

i wont keep you chained any longer

all i want is to see you smile
but i know i'll have to leave
because darling

"your better off without me"

this is what i do
i sit down
away from my happy persona
and yell out my depression?
no its not
its more of a therapy session
a way a part of me can finally feel acceptance 
and show what we think
show what we are

i'm not gonna sit here
and let the world take blame
ima write down the truth
its me own fault i ain't strong enough
to deal with it all
i gave myself to everyone
in the end
caused my downfall

i like to say that everyone else is selfish
because all you do is take from me
but in the end
i'm the one who gave it to you
starting the cycle of greed

and in hopes you understand
i just write some thoughts

i'm just gonna spill my thoughts
i like to preach to always be yourself
but sometimes  being yourself
feels like hell
kids ridicule me
because they can't feel me
so i found escape in poetry
because i can explain my thoughts
so when i die
you guys can say you kinda knew me
buts its hard to write sometimes
because i know someone will always out do me
and it feels like death just pursues me
and its got me questioning
what the **** am i even doing

but what do i know, i'm just venting

late night
again with this vibe
and feel the inner tension rise
my own demise
written in the sands of time
of what we were
lets go back
journey through guilt
its almost as if i feel a tilt
maybe acknowledge what i did
but you forgave you say
but i'll never forgive
so now my mirrors covered
and here i lay
thinking
its late night
i deserve to feel this vibe

Love

That's a gift
Something that everyone wants
Something everyone needs
Everyone talks about how amazing love is
And how there so happy to be loved

They call it one of the greatest gifts of life
But no one ever talks about its dark side
How its not just a gift it's a weapon
It can tear thousands apart in a minute

And it has

One of the worst pains is loving someone
Who doesn't love you back
It hurts
It'll cause irrational thinking
It's a powerful weapon
And has a perfect system
That never changes

Love is our greatest ally
But our greatest enemy
And demise

love is a wonderful thing
it fills our hearts
with a feeling
a warm feeling
cant even describe it...

ha!

well on second thought, lets give this another go

love is terrifying
its something many people fail to show
it drives you to do things
irrational things
it can tear us all apart
oh-and it has!
sometimes love is just so sweet
other times its bitter and ****

you must know in order to love someone truly
you must be able to give yourself up to them
and thats hard
because us humans
are selfish
but to the few that do
give themselves up
does your partner do the same?
if not
do you feel that your the one to blame?
for those who don't-
who wont
give themselves up for their
significant other
do you feel guilty?
really think about it


it will make you become at war with yourself
for not being enough for that person
that you love
and you will try so hard to make them happy!

well lets see, raise of hands!

how many of you have you failed to love properly?

I wear mask
in this masked town
covered in darkness
ask anyone around
this is no means a dead town
ask around
look in our eyes
you'll see the fear
of what you said you despised
its all one big happy lie
and our tears
fall from your sky
you can't hear us
but were all asking
"why?"
"why?'
"why"

Tears are falling down for it is June
The last day of may
Were yesterday
Oh my darling wilted rose
How I wish you could’ve stayed

Im melting across a page
Every word dramatic
As if presented on a stage
And i wish i could say it didn't hurt
Wish i could say it was painless 
Not at all hesitant 
That the ink didnt bleed
Every second a new scene
Now all i can muster
All i can scream
I thought we were supposed to be a team
I thought it was us against the world
And i know its my own fault
But still, i digress 
I am melting

Welcome!
one and all!
to this midnight brawl
ready your weapons
lets enter the mind
oh you're trying to sleep?
let me remind you of pain till you weep
late night
stare at the ceiling
assault on my mind
oh how I try

im a poet
the words surround me
chock me

im a poet
and because of that
its hard to tell if all this stuff-
this pain, love, beauty
is all in my head
just in my mind

but even my non poetic counterparts
see pain
love
and there idea of beauty

but what if my mind is reality
or maybe reality is a much less sinister
version of my mind

its a funny thought
but lets face
mind and reality
may tie into each
but only when your trying to distinguish them apart

some people use they're mind
as a way to escape reality
i use reality
as a way to escape my mind

my mind is a prison
its always with me
its like my thoughts aren't mine

i can move from someplace to another if something in real life bothers me
but my mind and thoughts
i can't escape
and i'm afraid that if i could
its to late

Don’t look under my bed
There are no monsters there
Instead there all around me
When I walk in the streets

There in the halls
They laugh and smile
They look normal
Normal enough

There in are minds
there trapped inside
Hiding under everyones lies

the monsters are every where
Not under my bed
So time mammy and daddy
Please lock the windows
Plug my ears
Because when the monsters come
I don’t wanna hear

I missed your voice
I  wanted to say,  I'm sorry
for everything
but its to late
you forgot our song
you've moved on
what did I except
you wobble on your stilts
wonder how that feels
but the question is
you learned to stop
so why can I not?

i know you'll leave one day
so hearing your voice is like tasting a sweet poison
it hurts
and its hard to cope with
thats why monady
is the last day
I'm here
among other things
but i can't help but hope
and fear
that my punishment will be a never ending loop
of your voice
the perfect boys voice
oh it would hurt
hurt so bad
but it would a divine pain
the type of pain i'd beg for

Im not afraid of death
Or what comes after-
If anything at all

Im afraid of being forgotten
just because you can hear my voice, or my hearts not beating
Doesn’t mean I was never there

Im afraid that everyone will forget me
Because only few get remembered
And even the people that remember me
Will die to
And be forgotten as well

Promise you’ll remember me?

i wanna be numb
i'm falling back
so i pop some pills
and wallow in my own self pity
i know its bad
but i do it anyway
i think that the worst part is

i don't care