I am changing.
I'm not greatful nor have I gained wisdom from what happened to me.
But I am tougher, my barrier is stronger.
I know who I am, and I'm no longer afraid.
No more ******* and lies.
I see through it all.
So take your best shot, I dare you.

I can see him almost every day.

From a distance, but it hurts every time.

Seeing him living a new life, while I'm stuck in our old one..

Wondering what causes him to smile,
when I'm walking away feeling my heart breaking.

My breath is heavy, my heart sinks with every step.

He sees me and I see him.

But we're just strangers now.

Like we never shared a life, never planned a future.

He's living his dream while I'm living my nightmare.

You made me love you.

Then you made me hate myself for it.

I'm back at the place I've been scared of going to since last summer.

The day I felt so happy I didn't care if I died.

When I was watching the sea and the boats, and the sun was burning my face.

Everything still looks the same today.

Except I'm alone..

The rain is falling on my face.

I feel the drops on my face, soaking me,
but I don't mind.

The memories from last year feels fresh, like your presence is still here.

I can see it like a movie playing.

How you're sitting next to me drawing,
I hear your laughter and I'm watching you smile in peace.

We both felt like life was perfect, complete.

But that was then..

Now this place is all mine again, you'll never spend another day here with me .

The memory of you keeps fading.

It made me cry in silence..

My tears mixed with the rain as I'm slowly trying to let you go.

Game over.

A few months ago,
he said that even though we're over we'll always belong together.

That it'd never be over between us..

I felt comfort in that sadness somehow.

Knowing that he'd always be there.

Hoping that one day we'd find our way back.
Cause it was meant to be, right?

But I could feel it in my whole body last time.

I won't hear from him again.

He let me go..

The memory of his smile is fading, I can't remember his voice anymore.

I never thought it would end like this.

Someone I used to stay up all night laughing with. Gone.

He gave up on me so many times but this time it was final.

I mean nothing. And yet he means everything.

This heartache is slowly killing me.

I can't do it anymore, I want to give up.

The pressure of having to be good enough..

..is a heavy burden.

Need get be better, accomplish.

The constant search for perfection.

But what am I searching for?

Me?

Lost in my mind once again.

The past comes back to haunt me.

To remind me, preventing me from forgetting.

I've felt enough pain.

Where's my peace? Still searching.

I need to breathe, I'm suffocating.

I hear the familiar screams inside.

The burning in my lungs.

Please let me be.

I need a place for my head.

Another way to feel alive.