Frances Marie

Frances Marie 4d

I can't focus on us anymore
it feels like a dream we once had
rather than a lifetime we worked on

You once made me feel precious,
invaluable,
loved.

Now I'm the fall back and safety net
you need to desire
before you hit the bottom of your bottle

I am miserable trying to hold the foundation alone.
I was looking for a life partner, not a freeloading liar.
You promised me change.

I was the fool who believed you and saw with my own eyes
you didn't touch a drop.
Now I'm left with the empty bottle in my hands,
searching for an escape from my isolation.

raw emotions from recent relationship in the middle of the break down.

#drugs #miserable #vent #alcoholic #bottle #promise #loved #focus #lifetime #fool

Frances Marie Sep 25

The Fixer

"You said you would be here
through the thick and thin"
My body has been through it
And baby, my patience has been
strung out thin.

Addicts only know themselves best
They can't see you
Only past you
Into a projection of themself.

Back seat passenger
Guiding my relationship habits
The chords
That I play the best.

My go-to comfort
The only way I know to love best
Is a struggling person
In the woes of addiction.

One part - my mother's enabling
Another piece - my father's vice
Final product - my veins collected
as proof in a messy affair.

Doomed to repeat;
try holding things together
while they slip between my fingers.
Hoping for different results.

Every. Single. Time.

Self reflecting poem of my habits, and what it feels like to be the "fixer" of everything around you. Never ends, I hope someone can take care of me for a change.

#fixer #addiction #patience #see #passenger #relationship #habits #chords #mother #father

Frances Marie Sep 25

Dustpan Daydreams

Thwack my heart,
Vacant feelings.
You used up every last
part of me.

I'm so ******* jaded.

I dote on you,
while you take ample amounts
of me.
I don't know what's left to share.

I'm restless.

I sleep in an untenanted bed
with creases that leave little of you.
Hollow eyes,
staring at me when I rouse.
Hoping I'll be there for your last
days awake.

I feel lonely in a full house.

Meeting at the lowest,
four walls to keep us from killing ourselves.
Was starting again,
first day of school like your parents did?
Was it a bond,
Or did our demons tangle?

This is a mess I have to clean, again.

Final draft of poem I wrote on my most emotionally vulnerable day. I started journaling after this day to keep myself centered. I don't want to bottle my feelings away anymore. I want to deal with them in healthier ways. Why I am back on HP.

#vacant #jaded #dote #ample #share #untenanted #rouse #lonely #demons #mess

Frances Marie Sep 23

Holy places

Lavish tounge dancing around the gaps
certain guilt flutters onto your cheeks
curious of what was once there.

Pinning for them to be filled
with vices and corroded virtues.
On my knees, I kneel for something more.
In the end all I have is a mouth full
Naked and bare to the world with nothing to give.

My heart exposed for others to take
until I am left slack jawed from the whiplash.
A fire of bitter embers flickers more
as I lose faith in the world around me.

Spirits please guide me to something more
plenty, supple, nimble.
Life with a renewed meaning.

Originally about how much my wisedom teeth hurt, turned into actual emotional hell. I like who I am now, I just need more reasons to continue living for me.

#lavish #guilt #vices #corrod #fire #nimble #plenty #supple #spirit #life

Frances Marie Sep 23

Ghost of Intimacy

Mountains of pillows,
Soft sheets,
and warm covers,
couldn't bring you into my arms.

Wrinkles and sunken silhouettes,
remind me of what we once had.
Now you only **** me
when the calories and lust hit your gut.

I hate sleeping alone,
you won't help me resolve the issues
that block my way to you.
What we once had.

Washing machines drain the fabric of you
in every cycle
One more day my body forget the tenderness of you
and your loving arms.

This is to get out my frustration and confliction of feelings about my current situation.

#love #body #arms #lust #bed #pillow #**** #sleeping #alone #washingmachine

Frances Marie Jun 14

Wisedom Tooth

Shifting under my skin,
seeping into my gums,
a sensation of emence pressure,
and awareness to unbear.

Slouching with a blue bib chain,
hung around the neck,
and heavy floride notes
tickling my tounge.

Goggles sliding along my face,
Sweat rolling down wet strands of hair.
Pulling away like velcro strips,
the sound of eagerness
and hot summer swelter.

That office chair makes me shake with anticipation,
Spotlight in yellow hues,
beaming down upon me.
Staring off until team appears
and the numbness fades in.

Time for another change.

For inconvienient, expensive exposure
with a little bit of me set to be disposed.

This is inspired by my recent extractions that I was awake for. Something brought me back to the moment in vivid memory.

#teeth #time #change #gum #floride #spotlight #tooth #fades #exposure #disposed

Frances Marie May 26

Dissappearance

My shadow was eating me alive,
I was becoming an outline,
Of the person I once could recognize.
My ambitions were fading,
Goals made for dreaming,
Left me feeling.

Aching for the life I could have led.
With every day that passes,
my hands feel see-through.
My gaze is glazed with dull focus.
As if I am disappearing from who I once knew.

This was 2023, some time before finally coming back. I have changed in 4 years and feel more comfortable in my body.

#shadow #outline #sad #goals #glazed #fading #alive #dissappeared