I'm so tired all the time,
wishing it was my bedtime
So uninspired and heavy
my thoughts push my head further into the pillow
gravity hooks its steel claws into my skin keeps dragging
my mind keeps lagging
my eyes sting and cry
perhaps I need a lullaby?

I'm so tired all the time,
my eyelids are in a constant fight
against the glowing light
i feel all this guilt as I sink further into my quilt

Why do my limbs feel numb and my limbs like they will collapse
perhaps I should get up?
I'm just so tired all the time,
yet why can I not sleep when I'm already in this deep


I'm so tired all the time,
perhaps this time if I close my eyes
sleep will creep upon me

Everything’s going to be okay
Because I love you
Because I’m here for you

Today might not be your best day
Tomorrow might not be okay
But that’s okay
Because I still love you
Because I’m still here for you

I know that’s not very logical
But that’s okay for me
Because I really do love you

What you see
Is a confident woman
And everyday I have to remind myself I’m strong
that I am that person.
But deep inside I know,
I’m not.
I’m still that girl
That lonely girl afraid of being left
that girl terrified of rejection and abandonment
That girl yearning for a hug.
I want to be that woman.
You help me become her.
The inside slow fades.

She skinned her knees crawling through her emotions
She opened her veins on paper and let the thick blood come trickling out
Her heart is made of glass and if you touch it light enough it will break into two, releasing a new beat
She lost her sight in love
She carved words on her chest as if without them she couldn't rest
She scratched words on her throat and clawed them on her tongue like they were her new oxygen supply.

She is a poem who I'm glad lived.

I use men over and over again
and they don't mind
I'm humane and kind
I don't cross boundaries
I'm just a guest
we both know it and it's already been addressed.

When he undressed me he didn't ask about my father.
When he kissed me he didn't press into my heart
because that place is very ****** dark.

I use men over and over again
to feel something
to have fun
it doesn't really matter,
because we're all agreed, this is something we both need.

But you pushed and shoved, smashed and cannonballed my wall,
I didn't want you to ask or see behind my mask,
And even though I fought this fight with laughter against your shooting questions,
you pushed and shoved against my door to find out more.

You were sweet I must admit, romantic and gentle,
but there is a reason everything is compartmental.

because when you left the next day you didn't stop to check the doorway,
where you carelessly left behind my open heart and eyes.
I didn't want to share my insides because as you walked away you didn't check to see what damage you had done.
Asking questions you didn't want the answers to.

I use men but I don't ask more than I'm ready to receive,
and they agree I'm not trying to deceive,
but you blew the doors of pandoras box and left me with the mess
that I now have to try and repress

Vulnerability is scary
I guess that's why I'm always wary
In the palm of another's hand
I solemnly stand

Vulnerability is scary
Someone I know barely
They could *bury me
In debris

I'm flesh and bones
Their words could be stones
The way you shake when you're crying
Or when you blink when you're lying
Because inside you know you're dying

When I tell you how I feel
I may begin to heal
This is so unreal-
Yet I still fear that you will squeal
What I tried so hard to conceal

Vulnerability is scary
I would like to say contrary,
I feel like a freed canary
How very wrong
I've made another prison
With bars made of vulnerability

My secrets have become a liability
For I foolishly trust
You will not run
When we are done

Vulnerability is so scary

Wake up
Come on, we have a busy day
Come on, you'll waste your day away,
We can go faraway or to a cafe
We can play or do something cliche

Wake up
Get up
I know it's hard and the world feels like a dump
Make that small jump
I won't judge if you firstly trudge
Once you're up, have courage
Once you've gotten up things will be sunnier
Life could be funnier

Wake up
Come on, I want to help you smile
I know the world is hostile
But it will be worthwhile
I want to be the ketchup to your chip
Come on, let's go on a trip
If you get tired you can relax in my imagination
You'll still have my *full admiration

Slowly realising this affirmation
Is my own situation
That would be nice,
If I listened to my own advice

and woke up.

I have a bath everyday
Washing off yesterday's decay
Washing my hair,
From today's despair
Shaving away,
My memory bouquet.

They say water has powers
I hope it empowers
Momentarily drowning
Counting
One
Two
Three
Maybe I could dissapear?
Quickly I reappear
Watch the soap grow,
Like my hope.

The waves soon become a tsunami
I seem to have an immunity,
Like new opportunity.
The water calms, unity returns
The water no longer burns.

My fingers are wrinkled
I must return to the real world
Leaving behind my dream world
with the pull of a plug and a whirl,
My amniotic birth has brought me back
and ready for tomorrow's attack.

You ask me why do I cry
I cannot lie
my heart is shattered into two
You ask me why am I so blue
I'll tell you why my dear
I'm all out of tears from the years I spent crying over you

I value my life as much as you valued mine
If I die tomorrow my dear would you miss me
I sighed and cried, yet I didn't not see you

This strong willow tree is nothing but a shrub
This strong wolf is nothing but a pup
This rainbow has no luck
That swan is nothing but a duck
This strong woman is nothing but a fragile girl

You ask me why do I cry
I cannot lie
my heart is shattered into constellations
because of your creations
across the sky they lie
watch the pieces shine
but it is all lies
they're all dead inside

You don’t want to talk,
So quietly in the snow we walk
I have so much to say
But you’re just going to look away

You don’t want to talk
We reach a snowy crosswalk
That’s okay I say
But I can feel you pulling away

You don’t want to talk
The words feel stuck in my throat
We live in a democracy do I even get a vote?
The silence you’ve created
I warn you darling is gonna end up ill fated
You’ll wish we never dated.

You don’t want to talk
I’m mad you just sit there
Your miserable silence filling my air

I don’t mind shouting, **** it even fighting
But I assure you I will not survive in this silence
Tell me what’s wrong, walk me through the grey thoughts I see across your stupid face
Because I’m scared of this quiet place

You don’t want to talk
Unfinished thoughts and sad words in a tight lock
And I say that’s okay
But one day I’ll just walk away.

You mean nothing to me anymore
I am no longer your *****
go and tie that noose around your neck
you bet I won't be there
I think about you and cannot remember why
why did I let myself cry
why did I let myself repeatedly die

You mean nothing to me anymore
even your name is just an eyesore
I walk with pride with each stride
no longer sunken and petrified
of your inner Jekyll and Hyde

You mean nothing to me anymore
and with that statement its the end of this cold war
I don't know what my future has in store
but I'm ready to go explore
I'm ready to walk this road alone

You mean nothing to me anymore
I know on this path i'll fall down and ask what's this all for
with disillusioned hopes and words- I miss you come back
I'll get back on track and realise
You may mean nothing to me but I mean the world to me
and its about time I became a ******* priority.