Hitting the grindstone once again
Aching regretting pounding ringing

Words pages lines and letters
Chewing mashing crunching swallowing

I left you lonely in your bed
Sleeping easing dreaming wheezing

To come home to you later
Driving bussing going speeding

And make love to you
Writhing releasing hearts beating

Only to fall asleep
Slowly softly warmly with me

And rise again to repeat the cycle

He liked the way her skin moved
Against the blade of a knife
He would often like to lose himself
In the blueness of her eyes
He would paint her body scarlet
With the blood of her life
He loved so much to watch her
The way she'd jolt and writhe
The blade so finely sharpened
Every incision was precise
He liked to think she giggled
Every time he took a slice
Her flesh was soft and thick
He ate it all, which was nice
And downed it with some cider
And a heaping bowl of rice

I watch myself in the mirror
Falling apart with every tear
I wish I could get high
Like my friends
Without crashing so **** hard
I wish I could take pills
Like my mom and step dad do
But they always make me throw up
Even after one or two
I wish I could lose myself in games
Or books
Or ****
But they all bore me or only make me
Uncomfortable
I don't have a fix so I relieve myself of thoughts
By taking the blade of some scissors
And driving them into my thigh with force
It helps only a little because there's only so much
One can do
I'm depressed and stuck because I'm so different
To all of you
Nothing works but I'm willing to try
Writing used to be it
So was dancing and singing
And playing piano
And talking to my friends
But I'm older now and not as gifted
As the child I used to be
And no one wants to listen to a nutty chook you see
So now I'm alone with my thoughts
And they're slowly killing me

Watch them pass the roll of grass
As they fall...  
                         down on their ***
Let them sit and take a hit
Even though it smells like ****
I want to be a different kind of free
Where I can just be me
And dance in modest pants
To a song of romance
"It's not my crowd"
I say out loud
"I belong on the ground"
Far from the **** and tar
Out of the clouds running far
To a place bound in lace
*As pretty as my face