I find myself breathing through others,
living a life that never was

The future is haunted,  
By what it can’t remember-
For the past is its only contender

a lesson you will learn,
before your life comes to an end
is that the grave is dug the deepest,
For the ones putting you in

I’ve scuffled with wanting greatness,
A grip that’s held onto me tight
Squeezing the life out til I’m just tired
Weak and stressed
Wanting everything to be just alright

i crave for the days where I saw you in a different light,
these stained glass moments,
creating delicate pillars in my life  
i miss you is an understatement,
but I love you is too strong
this grey zone which i have always avoided,
because of my fear of the unknown
is now the only place I can call home

they all move on, down these halls they walk
While I’m stuck in this room, staring at the walls
glued go this bed, I wish could be more
I know life is expensive, I’ve heard it from every angle, wishing I could live up to the standards
I just wish they could understand:
I’ve been dying the entire year

i am different now
from the fleeting words you didn’t mean
I muse at the fact that I changed my entire self for you because you dug into my brain and tugged at the parts I hate
you clawed your way through my nervous system and playfully stitched back the wires after you got the reaction
The way you grasped my body after shattering its purpose,
my mind frozen from bareness as I grabbed the blanket
You didn’t force yourself onto me,
But we both know you would never have to

    
      i am different now

When


         The

    Sun
  
                 Felt


      Wet


                 And
  
The

             Water
  
       Went
                             Dry.
  
Is when I knew things weren’t right.

It hurts we were so close,
but got caught on the what ifs.
What hurts the most though,
is we were so ******* in each other arms
We forgot to break our fall

Would you care if I left and not just for the day
I feel myself slipping,
slipping away.

the internal *****, from the words you say
to the way you don't ever seem to think my way
great minds think alike until we disagree
......
The crisis of yearning, for a body with an empty mind,
I have found myself loving a man who is not worth my time
......
I feel myself separating,
two at a time,
blooming while withering away.

I loved an empty being,
Gave my all just so you could feel something,
But somewhere along the way,
You came alive as I withered away.

love is a strange thing,
It seems to always be defined
by the things we do
and the words we don’t say

we can look past his lies,
but not the ugly truth?

This mundane heart, where my soul now lays
In the childhood bedroom where I used to play,
Hidden memories washed up by the past,
Trying to remember what I worked so hard to forget:
The illicit realization that my childhood has been auctioned off at lowest bid

Things will be different,

  Once I change.

“You’re in line.”

I fall asleep on the suicide hotline

My artificial heart beats
only
for
you.

this world couldn’t break me,
for it had hardened me long ago.

there we were at 5am,
was that the sun or the stars in our heads?