So Folks When It Comes To...
What We All Are Meant To Do...

Who Really Has A Clue...
As To What Is The Best Route...
To Quickly Getting To The Truth... ?

That Avoids Wasting Our Time...
In Looking For What’s Right...
To Get To Have A Life...
That Brings You Love And Smiles...

It’s A Question That’s Dependant...
On Finding Things That STRENGTHEN... !!!

That Help Reduce The Pressures...
That Lead To HYPER TENSION... !!!

So What Are You Meant To Do...
When You Receive ABUSE...
In... INFLUENTIAL Rooms... !?!

Should You...

Be The FIRST Someone...
To Speak About This Stuff... !?!

Or Just Keep Your Mouth SHUT...
And Wait Til’ Someone Else Does... ?!?

And Then Join Up With The Crews...
Who Let You Say... ME TOO... ?!?

Now Don’t Get It Confused...
It’s A Question That’s Addressing...
This... SENSITIVE Issue... !!!

Because If YOU’RE ACCUSED...
of Making Such VILE Moves...

What Are YOU Meant To Do...
If You KNOW That They’re...
....... NOT True....... ?!?

Or Worse Still If They ARE...
Are You Meant To Find An Excuse...
That Helps You Hide The Truth...
And Gets You Off The Charge... ?

A Question That Is STRESSING...
What Are You Meant To Do... ???

When The Truth Is...
What You’re Blessed With...
And LIARS SURROUND You... ?!?

Do You Speak It...
Or... Reduce...

The Truth You Air In Views...

Or Do You Simply Listen...
To Those Who Keep It Hidden...
Ease Back And Sit There Thinking.....
That Truthful Talk Is Missing...
Instead of... Air Condition... !!!

The Lies That Cause Transmissions...
of... IGNORANT Positions...

That Lead To Peoples’ Sickness... !!!

Before They Get To Spreading...
Like... Corona Flu Injections... !!!

Or That’s Right These VACCINES...
That... APPARENTLY...
Will Help To DEFEAT...
This DEADLY Disease... !!!
As Well As Fallacies...
On Internet Feeds...
of... Conspiracies...
That Are Just Theories... !!!
  
Are We Just Meant To Believe...
The Words of Those Who Lead...
And BIG Pharma Companies... ?

And People Like... Fauci... ?!?

Or Are We Meant To SEEK...
Some TRUTH And HONESTY...
That Deals In PURITY...
Like NATURAL Remedies...
That Do Keep People Healthy... ?

You See It’s Questions Like THESE...
That Are BIG Ones Indeed... !!!

So What Are Men Meant To Do...
To Keep The Ladies Happy... ?!?

Take Pills To INCREASE LONGEVITY... !!!
And The Size of What Our Trousers Keep... !?!

Or Are We Just Meant To Make Money...
To Keep Them Interested...
And To Start Families... ???

Or Are We Just Meant...
To Simply Be... Funny... ?!?

And To Live A Life of Frivolity...
BIG Spending Sprees...
And To Make Drug Deals...
That Pay For Our Meals...
And Some Fancy Wheels...

Or Are We Meant To...
Just Be Who We Be... !?!

Deal In HONESTY...
And Show Humility... ???

Is That The Type of Man...
That They Really Want... ?!?

You’d Better Ask Them That...
BEFORE ******* Drop...
And You Become A Pops...
Or That’s Right A DAD... !!!

Are Men Meant To Be THAT...
Now That We Have TRANS...
And New Gender Gangs... !?!

Are We Meant To Embrace...
This New Gender Age...
And Not Question Their Ways... ???

And If Not... WHY NOT... !?!
If We Think That They’re Strange...

Are We Meant To DENY...
What’s Inside of Our Minds... ?!?

Does That Really Seem Right...
Or Does That CONFINE...
Or Indeed REFINE...
Our Human Kind... !?!

Cos That’s A DANGEROUS Vibe...
That Quite A Few DON’T Like... !!!

And Who’s Meant To Decide...
How We Live Our Lives... ?!?

Guys In Suits And Ties...
With Women By Their Sides...
Who Defend Their Lies...
And The Way That They Divide...

Are We Meant To Accept...
Lies From Governments...
And Policies BEREFT...
of Basic Common Sense... !?!

And Are We Meant To Invest...
In All of This... New Tech...

Like ARTIFICIAL Intelligence... ?!?

When It’s Clear We Have Minds...
That Are... IGNORANT... !!!

And What Are We Meant...
To Do With... THEM... ?!?

Those of Us Who REJECT...
Using Knives And Bullets...
To Leave People DEAD... !?!

Well I Think That’s Where...
This Poem Is Meant...
To Reach It’s END... !!!

But BEFORE It Does...
Aren’t We Meant To Question...
The Things That Are Done...
By Our Race of Humans... ?!?

Like Racism And Sexism...
And Abuse That Runs...
Within Entertainment...

And Corruption Within...
Our Governments...
And What We Feed To...
Our Children... !!!

Aren’t We Meant To Have FUN...
And Just Deal In LOVE... ?!?

Or Are We Just Meant... To...
Behave Like... THUGS... !?!

Aren’t We Meant To Be Good...
And To Just Be... COOL...
Like RIGHTEOUS Warriors...

Well Folks...
I’m NOT Gonna Lie To You... !!!

Because Life’s NO JOKE...
And Keeps Giving Proof...

From This Corona Flu...
To New Policies Approved...

That It’s Really Getting HARDER...
To Know.... What We’re....

..... “ Meant To Do “..... ?!?

A feeling of migraines meant its stress,
But one time it meant a sign of something wrong
A feeling of confusion meant being forgetful,
A feeling of exhaustion meant not enough sleep,
But one time it meant all the energy was drained
But one time it meant the brain isnt thinking properly
A feeling of being sick meant its just the flu,
But one time it meant a diagnostic
Visitation at the hospital meant the strength will pick back up,
But one time it meant the weakness took over
Visitation at the hospital meant hope for getting back to normal,
But one time it meant praying for good health
Visitation at the hospital meant everything would be ok,
But one time it meant the worse is yet to come

Coming home meant no more worries
But one time, it meant that there was nothing more that could have been done
Coming home meant happiness
But one time it meant sadness
Coming home meant get some rest
But one time it meant going to sleep forever
Coming home meant recovering
But it actually meant dying..

I never meant to break your heart
I never meant to walk out that night
I never meant to make you cry
I never meant to assassinate a part of you

I never meant to die that night
I never meant to run away
I never meant to
Please believe I never meant to

You see, I was always afraid
You were touching a part of me that I never thought anyone could
It felt so strange but it felt so right
And I hope you understand that it was too much for me at time

So I simply took a break
Running as fast as I could to the other side of the world
But when I finally arrived I realized I had made a great mistake
But I convinced myself that it was already too late

I never muscled up the courage to return home to you
I thought maybe you'd be upset with me
That you would never forgive me
Just causing me to really die inside

But I started to think that maybe I deserve to
Just thinking about how I must've made you feel
I began to cry every night starring at an old picture of you
Then I made up my mind that I was coming back home to you

But when I finally arrived I realized I had made another mistake
Because all I saw was you smiling away
I don't know what I really expected
I mean you were always too beautiful to be single forever

I see you got the two kids you always wanted
A boy and a girl named them Linus and Aries
I'm so happy for you
You fulfilled your dream

Then to make it even better you forgave me
I should be so elated, jumping in so much joy
But for the life of me I can't even put on a fake smile
So I walked away again

This time I went to the lake by the old house we bought together
Then I pulled out the gun you brought me for my birthday
Finally I closed my eyes and began to pray
Next thing I know I was dead

I never meant to break your heart
I never meant to walk out that night
I never meant to make you cry
I never meant to assassinate a part of you

I never meant to die that night
I never meant to run away
I never meant to
Please believe I never meant to

Hungry for love, I was so hungry for love.
I am festering from my own greed, ravenous love.
Poor guy, he was a victim to this love hungry savage.
I attacked him with my love, pushed him so far away.
I’m not meant to be loved, no not meant for anybody.
He loved me, he actually loved me.
Yet I did not know how to love him back.
I wish he understood, and I wish I could have told him.
I’m not meant to be loved, NO ,should not be loved by him.
Stupid girl, so very stupid girl, and girl you are very much stupid.
Stepped all over his heart, unworthy of his love, so ungrateful.
My past hurt leaked into my present, unwanted, not wanted.
I felt like he was going to hurt me, hurt me, hurt me, I’m hurt.
I’m not meant to be loved, no not meant to be loved by any.
I am loves enemy, oh how love hates my bitter soul, my cold heart.
Let me in, I wont let love in, it knocks its knocking, I slam I slam.
Love wants to **** me, but I’m already dead, and now love buries me.
Here I lay; I’ve lost a heart, that beating muscle which enables me to breathe.
I gave him my heart, yet it lacked love, he didn’t feel, he didn’t know it beats.
I’m not meant to be loved, no no no not meant to be loved at all.
I love him, oh God how I love him, like you love us God.
But how do I love him, how do I show, how can I show?
I had, I have a Purple undeveloped, bloodless, loveless heart.
He pumped his blood into me; he drowned me in his love.
I tried to pump back, only a leak, over the years it drained out.
So what’s left for him, what did he get, a heart that’s dehydrated.
I’m not meant to be loved; no not meant because of me.
Here I am, sick with agony, dripping in pain.
Too late, its too late, how he hates me, me he hates, he hates.
How he tried, hard he tried, tried to fix a broken glass and got cut.
He’s bleeding now, I want to stop his pain, but the more I touch the more he bleeds.
I didn’t mean to God, I pray take his pain away, let him forget me.
Take the love he has for me out of his heart, let him drop mine, just leave it on the floor.
Let the herd demolish it completely this time so I cannot feel anymore hurt.
I never should have allowed him to grow near, but I loved him more than me.
I thought I was showing my love, I really tried, oh how I tried.
I’m not meant to be loved; I never was, never meant to be loved.
Never meant to be loved by anybody, never meant to be loved by him.
I'm not meant to be loved by you!

maybe i'm not meant to be
not meant to move
not meant to exist
not meant to live

maybe i'm not meant for you
not meant for fun
not meant for joy
not meant for love

maybe i'm not meant for emotions
not meant for tears
not meant for anger
not meant for laughs

maybe i'm not meant to be.

Maybe we were meant to drift apart,
Maybe you were meant to taste something sweeter.
And maybe I was meant to stay right here,
Maybe I was meant to be all bitter.

Maybe I was meant to watch people fall,
Maybe I was meant to write it down.
Maybe I was meant to stay right here,
Maybe I was meant to feel so down.

And maybe it wasn't meant for me to touch love,
Or touch hearts, or veins.
Maybe it was meant for them,
So I could observe it and tell the difference.

Now it's all ****** up,
I was meant to grief for all that I've wasted.
I was meant to notice that there's no chance for me to win it,
I was meant to **** the person in the past full of happiness.
I was meant to be lonely.
Alone, Dark, Blue.
Whatever it is, I'm just sad
Or something more.

But maybe that's not it,
Maybe you're not the last.
Maybe I could still have a chance,
Maybe cupid still got his plans.
Maybe it was still the right decision,
Maybe the decision was for you to taste more,
To taste something better.
Maybe it was for you to evolve from a mud into a gold.
And maybe it was also for me,
For me to end what I've been destroying.

No!
It is not you who I've been trying to euthanize.
It was me all along,
You've received your freedom.
You've told me that I am forgiven.

Maybe,
Just maybe..
It's time for me to forgive myself,
And share my deepest ******* affection again.

i knew from a young age nothing could love me.
i knew when everything began,
when elemental dust condensed into planets,
when life fought itself into existence
in the waters of a cooling world,
when the first being exulted in being
and i exulted too
and crushed it for daring to live.
watched it decompose in my palm.
rotted roses by plucking them.
i knew from a young age
that nothing survived my touch,
that nothing lived in my hands -

nothing’s the only thing
i’ve ever held without killing.

so see, we’re meant to be,
you and i,
nothing boy –

let me hold you close cause i can’t rot you through,
you with your lack of self
and meaning,
you with your infinite void,
impenetrable ether.
see, we’re meant to be,
nothing boy,
let me swim in your vacancy and you,
you can be my new universe
and nothing will be my everything:
i’ll worship you like an absent father
and love you like an atheist’s god.
see we’re meant to be,
nothing boy,

i would **** 2000 statues to bring you to me.
i would slaughter a family of worms
to be crushed in your black hole.

i crushed the stars between my thighs,
left the triturated mess
like a promise to the world.
i crushed the stars between my thighs,
but i’ll be so careful with you,
nothing boy.
so gentle you won’t even know i’m there,
like a ghost sighing over your mouth.
so careful you won’t notice me
making my nest in your empty chest,
breathing for you,
pulling air to pool in your lungs.
see we’re meant to be,
nothing boy:
i complete you
and you empty me.
see we’re meant to be,
nothing boy,
nothing doesn’t rot -
my gangrene heart can’t touch yours,
pure as it is,
undefiled,
unadulterated,
a vacuum of a heart as empty as an unfilled grave.

they say
there’s a black hole at the center of every galaxy,
in the center of a ring of stars
light drawn to the dark.
they say there’s a black hole at the center
and if they’re right
you’re the last good thing about this galaxy.
stars swarm round you like flies, nothing boy,
you who are made of their
dead brothers,
who collapsed into themselves with the weight of existence,
who imploded with the heat of their desire for you,
who fed their light to your blackness,
nothing boy.
you are made of dead stars and of nothing at all.
you are
celestial corpses
and nihilism distilled.
see we’re meant to be,
nothing boy.
you’re corpses and i’m rot.
you’re nothing and i’m
the final destination
the last stop for sorry living creatures,
pitiful things that can’t quite
delete themselves,
can’t quite reach you
so i embrace them and soothe their sobs.
see we’re meant to be,
nothing boy,
i can hold you for more than a few
pitiful sobbing seconds.
i can hold you forever if you let me.
see we’re meant to be,
nothing boy.

i killed the world but you remain.
i crushed the galaxy between my thighs,
and you, impassive,
pulled the triturated mess into your event horizon.
see we’re meant to be,
nothing boy,

you have no breaths to steal
but i’ll give you all i’ve plundered.
i’ll give you every last breath, last word, last heartbeat,
and you can empty me like
a bottle of cheap wine.
see we’re meant to be –

nothing boy and gangrene girl,
a love story for fatalists
and nihilists alike.
see we’re meant to be,
nothing boy,
starcorpse creature, nietzsche’s son.
see we’re meant to be,
nothing boy -
nothing never rots
nothing never dies
nothing won’t decompose
in my arms.
see we’re meant to be,
nothing boy.
let me hold you close-

you’re the one thing i can’t break.

How high was a nose meant to go?
Was it meant to reach Mars?
Was it meant to be a ladder to both near and far,
To the way far beyond and the far beyond stars?

How high was a nose meant to go?
Was it meant to be raised up to the sun on a pole?
Was it meant to sniff clouds and those lovely bows,
And breathe comet dust in a breathable boast?

How high was a nose meant to go?
Was it meant as an ornament for onlooking eyes,
Combing and surveying air instead of people passing by,
So the friendliest friends can breathe lovelorn sighs?

Those friendliest friends are the first despised.

How high was a nose meant to go?
The one pointed down will be the one pointed out,
The one smelling the floor will be rejected and fought,
The nose pointed down, broken with blood on the ground.

How high was a nose meant to go?

You could scream my name into the abyss,
and I still wouldn't believe it meant more than this:

That it meant more than the way you hold my hips,
That it meant more than the way we kiss,
That it meant more than you're eyes locked in mine,
That it meant more than all of our time combined,
That it meant more than a bunch of letters,
That it meant more than just to make you better,
That it meant more than you're desire to touch me,
That it meant more than the skyline above me,
That it meant more than the fingers intertwining,
That it meant more than a dark silver lining.

That it meant more than the way you tell me you love me.
That it meant more than the how easily you shrug me
off.

The rain was meant for flowers to grow.
Girl, I am meant for you.

The eyes upon our face were meant to see.
Girl, I am meant for you.

The voice we have were meant to speak.
Love, I am meant for you.

There are things in society that should never be.
Like buying a product without a warranty.
When all they gave you was their voice as a guarantee.

The ray of the sun is meant to shine.
Girl, I meant for you.
Similar to the moon that was meant to glow.
Girl, I am meant for you.

Somethings in life you just so sure of as truth.
And that's the way I feel about you.
Girl, you were meant for me.

This I do believe.

It meant a greasy burger from the diner on Main st.
A sweaty drive in that noisy ford
with ice cream melting in our laps.
It meant skipping prom
to watch Lord of the Rings on your mother's couch
and never once look at the TV.
It meant reading your favorite book,
and pulling up grass by the roots
to busy our hands
and keep them from wandering places they shouldn't.
Us was the color of the stars when we lay on our backs
examining the milky way
and tracing our names
in constellations.
It meant the arguments at midnight
about the purpose of our lives,
what it meant to be and to belong,
and why the world was no musical,
and no wasteland either.
It meant the only obstacles
were curfew
and your awful cologne.
We were the music on that record
you gave me that first night out
when you took me to the cinema
and when I got home
I spun the vinyl for hours.
We were the color of the rolling hills
in the pastures
when we listened to our favorite songs
and discovered kissing
while we waited for the school bell to ring.
It meant the light always shone
and the rain only fell
when we felt like walking in it.
And it meant that sooner or later
we had to learn what it was like
to be an 'I'
after 'Us'
And we had to learn
all over again
to live without a 'We'

I'm busy telling myself that we were meant to be,
but what if we were never meant to be?
What if we were just meant to meet?
Meant to share a great deal of sweet memories.
Meant to learn, to love and to move on.
What if our meant to be, was never meant to be and it cannot be?
And what it should be is for us to find peace.
Find ways to move on.
Find new faces.
Find new love.
But if that's all that we were meant to be, why is moving on feeling so impossible?
You see loving someone; it’s like holding a dove in your arms.
It might be yours but its still gotta fly.
They say if you really love it, you should set it free; and if it’s meant to be, it will be.
It will return to your arms.
You shouldn't hold on to it, and you shouldn't refuse to let it go.
What I do realize now is that I was squeezing too tight,
And all this time you were suffocating,
Praying for a gasp of fresh breath but I didn't notice,
Because all wanted was to always have you.
See now I hope you haven't lost your ability to fly,
Because what I'm doing now, is setting you FREE.
Spread your wings,
Follow the wind and chase after seasons, because you deserve to.
I find myself singing "I Could’ve, Would've, Should've" because what I Should've, was to let you go a long time ago.

You put too much pressure on yourself.*  How often have I heard that, from my parents when I used to rip my hair from my head after softball games and school plays because I felt like I was stupid and incapable? From my therapist when I would continuously tell her how much anxiety I feel on a regular basis, like the world is collapsing on my shoulders and literally pinning me to the ground?  Now, from various teachers telling me I will be fine when I have panic attacks with tears leaving trails on my scarred cheeks and cannot stop shaking because the fear for the future and the terror of letting people down seems to be the hands around my neck, waiting for me to black out? How frequent have those words met my ears since I was five and began to look at myself like I was ugly, or at nine when I felt the need to hide what I ate so I would binge in my room, stuff bags of chips in baggy sweatshirt pockets so no one would see me as I cried about my size, but I continued to eat because it gave me some warped sense of paradoxical comfort?  And then at thirteen, when I felt I needed to do something about it so my stash moved from my bedroom to the bathroom, the place I locked myself alone for hours and stuck an unwilling finger down my throat so that all of these things that made me so not good enough would find their ways out of my limp body?  A good deal of this pressure was self-induced, but it was also learned.  You see, being my daddy's girl, every little child's dream, meant looking the part.  It meant passing on the chocolate cake on my birthday even though I had been waiting for it all year.  It meant being publicly ridiculed in fast food restaurants when I would try to free myself from his totalitarian diet regime and I would immediately be subjected to social homicide no matter who was there as a tactic to force me back into my place.  Maybe that's why I still cringe when people come into my workplace and embarrass their kids over petty things that won't matter to them the next day, but will scar the child for years to come.  It meant being taught that my only goal in life was to look pretty, and that because I am a girl, my voice means nothing.  It means learning to think I deserve the kind of love that tells me I am worthless if I am not a size six.  Being my daddy's girl meant that when the first boy I ever loved called me a fat ugly ******* on a regular basis that it was nothing new to me, he was just more frank about it.  It meant that when my please, don't's and my I don't like this anymore's were silenced by a friend's unwavering desires for power and control, I figured it was because he cared about me because that's what he told me.  After all, being my father's girl meant that I was nothing more than a pretty face, a porcelain doll, who was only good for being someone's *****, even if I was combatting against his advances.  
Being my daddy's girl meant sometimes, as a child, I wanted to be a boy, not because I was transgender, but because I wanted to be something of value that was not solely based on the beauty I did not have. Because of all this, being my daddy's girl meant never being good enough.  If all I could be was attractive, and it became clear that I was not, then what was left?  My sister grew into the skinny robot he wanted her to be.  She was my daddy's girl.  I never was, and I used my voice to speak out against every value he taught me.  He was conservative; I became a raging liberal.  He claims to be Christian; I began to question religion.  He was a sexist, homophobic bigot; I am a feminist and human rights activist.  As in all forms of tyranny, they try to shut you down if you shout the truth from the depths of your being.  But my voice will not stop screaming.  Still, how I felt about my looks began to affect everything else.  My father would try to support me in my activities and in school, but when I looked at him, all I could see was a big glaring manifestation of YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH staring me straight in the face.  And while this snowball has been rolling and building up for years, I have to stop believing the lies.  I cannot blame all of them on him; society has taught me that I am not a model, therefore I am nothing.  The church has taught me that I must be subservient to some man and that I will never be anything without him.  In case you couldn't figure it out, that will never happen. Overcoming this is not easy, and while my thoughts still panic and franticly bounce about from corner to corner, while my mind still travels to evil, lifeless places, I must crawl through the darkness.  I must proclaim to the world that I am enough, whether I believe it or not.

You meant a lot to me until I realised your body runs cold.
You meant a lot to me until I recognised the ways you are bold.

You meant a lot to me until I heard the number of times your voice cracks throughout the day.
You meant a lot to me until you spoke of things you were initially afraid to say.

You meant a lot to me until
I saw some of your chosen paths
You meant a lot to me until
I saw the way you laughed.

You meant a lot to me until
You told me the secrets you forgot to keep inside.
You meant a lot to me until
I stood by you while you cried.

You meant a lot to me until
I heard the mistakes you made in the past.
You meant a lot to me until
I discovered how different you were from the last.

You meant a lot to me until all your flaws were laid out to see, but after all this time I've realised you don't mean a lot,
You mean everything to me.







© Words of a withering soul

I believe that in some universe, we were meant for this.
We were meant to make this into something great.
That the reason our fingers were separated was so when the time came, your touch was meant for mine.
I believe that reason we can't physically see ourselves without a mirror, is because we were supposed to fall for each other's attributes.
Your eyes were meant for me to fall for every time they brightened up about something you love.
Your smile was meant to break and fulfill my heart every time the wrinkles started to appear.
I believe your laugh is meant to be my favorite song.
I believe that your lips had the purpose of making me melt every time they would come across my skin.
I believe that somewhere, in a different time, your love was meant for me and you believe it too.
But this isn't another universe, this isn't just somewhere, we are standing on our time, as we speak, as I write.
We believed that it was a good thing.
That we were a good thing.
As we took time for granted, as we watched things drift away, it was no longer what it could've been.  
In this universe, the one we now experience in,
our time has ran out, the clock hands have stopped moving for us.
We're over.
In another universe that wouldn't have been okay.  In the universe we were meant for, this distance-full love would've been tragic, but here it isn't.
Over here, what we could've been is only memories.
I've accepted that in this universe, our connection wasn't meant to be traced back to one another like random magnets in a space-less box.
In this universe we aren't together and that's ok.
The memories are enough to keep me full for years to come.
The memories are enough to make me grin from time to time.
The memories are just enough.
Enough for me to except that in this universe, we were simply not meant for each other.
In this universe, that is all okay.

If I'd have known goodnight would have meant goodbye,
I would have tried to kiss you a little longer that night.

If I'd have known goodnight would have meant goodbye,
I would have held your face as I kissed you that night.

If I'd have known goodnight would have meant goodbye,
I would have rubbed the back of your neck a little bit longer that night.

If I'd have known goodnight would have meant goodbye,
I would have held your hand in the taxi home that night.

If I'd have known goodnight would have meant goodbye,
I would have intertwined my fingers through your hair one last time,
We both liked that.

If I'd have known goodnight would have meant goodbye,
I would have wrapped my arms around your neck,
With an embrace making our bodies become one.

If I'd have known goodnight would have meant goodbye,
I would have looked deep into your eyes again,
Just to catch them looking back at me,
Maybe for just a little bit longer.

If I'd have known goodnight would have meant goodbye,
I would have never let the night end.

I meant to drive past your house today - but I forgot.
I meant to write you a sad love poem today - but I forgot
I meant to curl my lashes in case we met today - but I forgot
I meant to reminisce about all our private lunches today - but I forgot

I meant to compose a list of my faults today - but I forgot
I meant to fantasize about us getting back together today - but I forgot
I meant to hate the way I look in the mirror today - but I forgot
I meant to cry my eyes out over you today - but I forgot

I meant to hate you today - but I forgot

I meant to pray to God, again, to help me forget you - but today, I forgot

Oh - thank you God!

I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to lie
I never meant to break your heart
I never meant to make you cry

I never meant to be a fool
I never meant what I did say
But what I never meant the most
Was to lose a friend today

russia
the mother of the love was cindy. she lives as wari and has no longer power. her beauty is renowned and she should rule.

argentina was the land of dd but mexico was goal and it was dana's land. dana is alive but needs to take control.

germany was grand and elsa was their king. elizabeth will rule. william was leam and harry was star. charles was ruu.

venice

the leader of the wall must take the city down dunstable will rule but row must take command (paul p) just lift the iron up and drink the holy well. paul (row my) must lead the way and let the city fall like jerico to row.

sibelius was chief his love could control hell. his land was mexico. he will return in 100 years. for now his son razor must reign. razor reigns already he was always strong with his power.

anthony (anthony p) is still rome. druididous stole from anthony. italy will love his power. his father still lives. he was known as tora. he will always save his people every time. (anthony and cleopatra).

simon (simon d) was the bell of the dance. his land was the guard of the law, his saviour was the christ.

palastine was oscar's (livin christ) land. he loved the people first and then the chosen leader. china stole his heart but his mother's magic eye was always the greener for the dome of the bar which was his mother's land.

syria was kim's the turks obeyed her law and her partner simon rice was the lord of undeceived. (kim's favourite sword - immaculate) kim would only ever give land to someone who beat her in a sword fight.

pakistan was morrow. morrow still lives. i will give him pakistan tomorrow.

laura (y) was time of space. her land was always persia. she always controlled the south and gail (r) did not deceive.

gail was the haunted skull. her wind would launch the sail. her seas were ever brave and her love was always true. persia (north)
was her heart. never steal her heart.

spain was not my son he was never in my life but portugal was spain and gavin (p) was their king.

the catharsis will run and run. i will never be deceived the gate is always closed for love is in our hearts.

england

gina (p) was our queen her lands would always flow. china stole her heart but england was her throne. ( i would like gina to come back to china to bend for the corn) gina's mother was druella in the ancient times.

david (b) was the king, he was the lionheart. he was our favourite king and no man could deceive.

scotland

gavin (p) was the james and diamond was his jewel. diamond is his wife and he must now command for nothing could corrupt.

stuart scotten was a scotish noble.

michael never ruled but no man thought he should his love was always wine and wine should not be loved. (as usual we will give him the principality of lowe as a gift so he does not destroy everyone).

serbia was the good, the love that jesus saw. give my son his thone. the love will be believed. in ancient histories serbia was known as dela. (see note lower serbia is now held by lassa and tal as guardians of the land below mount denar.) serbia and palastine must live in peace now the jew is gone who wanted to hurt palastine so much her people were forced south.

ok important note. we believe serbia was originally dunne but he always wanted land so he was not allowed back to earth. his lands were south of mount denar. oscar/ the christ/ the livin held after dunne left the earth but it was eventually agreed serbia below mount denar would be loved by tal and lassa as guardians of the land.

iatilahhomanne is the blue sky is yugoslavia. his wife is doran. she was his love. his old name was swee. yugoslavia is west of tee and north of do or die generally it is where teem is now. (old dree) their language was hebrew their god was jesus. the jews wanted christ to be their god not their christ. it is easy to find yugoslavia of the old world it is next to dree (ethiopia) and west of door. we believe they were also palastinian descent in the old world.  

pakistan was blue, she gave it to her heart and lassa always rules. lassa is alive give him his power back. no man then will grieve for joshua is back.

australia is madam it must return her power she knows the paths of peace and lives as mary rose.

newzealand is (d) (not good) madam must take control or ruby (a place) will aspire.

america is (d) she seethes to take the land. her hatred scalds and scalds it was berire's land. berire was the chief his land was mule and strike the karaoke's scream i will protect his thone.

orinoco should control his mind is always lead he knows no dark of heart and all his love is treve.

treve is always beth but she was ian's soul. please leave me ian's heart and yours should be atol.

atol would not be right. orinoco always marries beth (yet again). gail will not marry jet.

jason (rye) was no fool his lands were israel's heart. he loved the soul of rule but simon (d) could command.

kirby was the goo, india his throne. he was the amicable man his love was always christ the taj mahal he built and that was his home.

ian

i only want to love one girl, her name is beth. her love is like a bird that listens to the sky and then listens to all my love for her.

denmark

denmark was lasa at the dawn of time demeter is the rule and she's the queen of time. demeter now is young she is the queen of time her land is do or die and masa must command.

esotonia

was the house built by the sea it was eric's house and he was the son of the man he was the love of the life and he lives these days as stan.

france was warren hall but i must now be true. please give my catherine (m) land for aragon must rule. she was also in the ancient history joan of arc.

venice
paul (p) row my (principality palace in tlau.) dunstable took paul's money.

laura y (south china) it was the bys that took laura's money.

mowh has saved the word in china but as usual she tried to take power and had to be destroyed..

in venice beth was cocyo (the giver of bliss)  ( row cocco)

stav in south china is oscar's principality. stav is where oscar (the livin) is always happy. tao (ian and my son) loves to live in lowe.

the emperor of berling (north west south china) should have been. martin j. his brother originally drim dra dro was originally the prince of lowe but when i gave martin his territory in berling nick j became the prince of toi with the principality of toi. this was true in ancient times. martin was known as jo.  

orinoco was the emperor of china. the world was the waiting because the love would always be good.  

skybird drew was ray son. drew were the rightful thone of japan. the drew meant the solace of the earth.

gina in venice was tray.

ian's mother was fred.

eusebius was the poet of the heart.

eri (y) sometimes marries the man of the water.

michael is the guardian of the keep. i will always love my true.

helen (v) was the lover of the vine. she was chinese but had no throne.

claire was jezibel.

david was dow and fun

dunstable was char the feather of the water. he stole row fun.

in venice
eri was elea
laura was dezibel
gavin was cla

i have accepted as a gift a principality province in tithale.

kim of indonisia was the man the people loved. kim of the creator. we used to call kim the good man of our lives and the gentle spirit. everything of his goodness is returned.

our love was the strength of the world.

solace was drew. drew was the noblest family of all.

laura (y) was the mwang the rulers of the town and they were always princes.

in 1288 beth said goodness is more powerful than evil.

watling, turner and maccarthy were forced.

i am the family of fwoah.

lauren fwoah meant lauren the beautiful.

it was the evil family foo who made everybody born (or moved) to england. i demand all their money returned.

trump was the man of the star. he wanted the world to be quiet but loved. his name was choo. his current wife is belle and she was always his queen. his throne is peru.

boris was the baron of the star. your wife is livia and your land was mexico and your name was boro. your son was stevio the prayer of the mind and bringer of peace.

blair was catcho, the man who spent the fun. his original land was japan and he was noble but not the throne. the throne is now skybird drew.

it was the swinster family who hurt diana.

the current emperor of china is loco. he will give the territories to beth. his wife was the queen of the north.

*** (orinoco) was the conqueror of time. his destiny was power. he always loved beth and his province was the south.

japan is dalta at the moment it should have been drew. he stole for power as the armies wouldn't work. he wanted peru but i will not give peru for his destiny is fire!

peru should be malta but malta should be fire the love was the love of the love was always peru and peru should be ruled by scotland.

india was palm of par he was death of silence he was a resiliant man and today he lives as par.

atlantis was my sky i'll always love her heart. her chimney burnt to flame when carthage stole my love. phonecia was the blue and blue as of the wave (m) does wish but it is oscar's soul.

ian wynn was wales his love was orinoco. his daughter still lives as simone.

anthony (rome) was cabra in italy and dree in china which meant love me love. he was also lieu which meant the loved. (anthony and cleopatra)

lean built pisa tower. he was best at food.

row meant delight the sky.

the agha khan was dal which meant the love. he believes his true throne tunisia. i believe this is correct. also iran and iraq.

tin is throne of india.

del was the true throne of sweden. he is in charge.

norway was lion's land. it belongs to strong. who lives as guy.

the shah of iran was simon rice's father. he was the true throne. he was known as tal, which meant the good leader. iraq was also his which was the flower of land, denmark was also tal's land because yassa pretended lassa, this meant the throne was wrong but tal is lawful throne and lassa agrees.

godolphin was the arabian throne.

gina's money was taken by tong and fau who was the imposter winner of gold. they are both dead.

beth's love was the strength of the world.

drua took beth's seal in the china parliament. he stole my money. i was the word of china. i will return and take my rightful seat. my friend the shah of iran has already bought me the principality of siam and principality stav for my livin/oscar/christ ( oscar was born 25/12/97 this is the truth) as a wedding present. my mother gail has bought blue principality province. lowe i have agreed purchase when fun returned for my tao and my michaels.

gina was croan in china.

laura (y) married fleep.

dree took beth's money by pretending royal blood.

dominic (b) was poland of the ancient worlds his charm was nina and she was the curl. nina was so beautiful no man could ever resist, deceit could not destroy them there would always be a whirl!

Over Silesian mountains
Somewhere beyond black seas
There is a forgotten dream
Conjuring visions of peace

Go your own way, go now, go
You are meant to lead, not follow
Walk on, fly by, sail ashore
To the land that you adore
Go your own way, go now, go
You are meant to lead, not follow
Walk on, fly by, sail ashore
Go your own way, go now, go

Many lives faced the dream
More of them fade to black
But in the eyes of the eagle
There is no turning back

Go your own way, go now, go
You are meant to lead, not follow
Walk on, fly by, sail ashore
To the land that you adore
Go your own way, go now, go
You are meant to lead, not follow
Walk on, fly by, sail ashore
Go your own way, go now, go

Their hearts are worn on sleeves
Determination so earnest
Merely calm before the storm
Quiet before the Tempest

Go your own way, go now, go
You are meant to lead, not follow
Walk on, fly by, sail ashore
To the land that you adore
Go your own way, go now, go
You are meant to lead, not follow
Walk on, fly by, sail ashore
Go your own way, go now, go
Inside the city walls
The static is meant to frighten
Those who await the call
In the echoes of the siren

Go your own way, go now, go
You are meant to lead, not follow
Walk on, fly by, sail ashore
To the land that you adore
Go your own way, go now, go
You are meant to lead, not follow
Walk on, fly by, sail ashore
Go your own way, go now, go

There are many roads to follow
Some of them are painted red
Yet as long as we march on
No one can declare us dead.

Color is not meant, to separate or divide.  It's meant to be adored, by the pupils of your eyes.
Color is not meant, to be yelled as an ugly insult.  It's meant to be expressed, to bring about a result.
Color is not meant, to  be looked down or frowned upon.  It's meant to paint a beautiful picture, of something that might be fun.
Color is not meant, to be put up as a sign.  It's meant to be complimented, with objects of a lovely design.
Color is not meant, to put one against the other.  It's meant to unite as one, a nation as one brother.
By, Sandra J. Nailing

I heard them saying:
"she goes places sometimes".
I knew they meant I leave sticky notes on their mirrors saying "I'll be back, but don't wait up".

I knew that they meant that I sometimes take the long way home for the view, even if the view is the industrial sight where my ambition died.

I knew they meant that, there are voices in my head that are screaming at me dark thoughts, so loud that sometimes they can hear them too.

I knew that they meant I don't wear yellow anymore because I'm afraid I'll go blind; that my eyes have adjusted to the lack of light that surrounds me.

I knew they meant no harm.
I knew they didn't want me to hear them.

I knew they meant that I practice holding my breath for countless minutes just incase they catch me playing dead in the bathtub again.

I knew they meant that I read the endings of books before starting them so I won't be disappointed. I knew they meant that I'm tired of being disappointed.

I knew they meant that I am weaker than usual; that I don't wear as many sharp edges or that I don't smell like kerosene after it's been set on fire.

that I don't ignite at the sound of pistols, I just welcome bullets.

that I don't walk on the perimeter of the ocean, I just drink the water till the salinity makes me see the world in different colours.

that I'm not afraid of heights, I'm just afraid of falling.
that I wear a kind of loneliness that doesn't wash off.

I knew they were trying their best to be gentle,
but I was trying my best to be tough.

but when you light the world on fire time after time, you get tired of rebuilding walls.

you get tired of looking your best; of drawing attention; of wearing yellow.

you get tired of holding your breath, and you let in the voices.

and you take the long way home, and you don't feel bad that you didn't leave a note.