"devasted" poems
Fat, fat, fat.
All I see is fat.
I am the "chunkiest", the "chubbiest", the "roundest" and the "ugly pig".
I might as well be a rat, the biggest of the big.
Fat, fat, fat,
All I see is fat.
I am "just right", "average", "normal" or "perfect size."
They lie every single time, and hell, just 'like that'.
Fat, fat, fat,
All I see is fat.
I am "too skinny!", "I wish I looked like you", "wow! Size zero jeans?!" and "underweight".
Yet, I refuse to touch this cold, stocked plate.
Fat, fat, fat,
All I see is fat.
I am "awful", "dying", Miss "eat something" and "throne of bones".
Yet, this body will never be my souls rightful home.
Fat, fat, fat.
All I ever will be is fat.
Even in a long gown and stuck to the end of an I.V pole,
With doctors and psychatrists and loved ones crying and begging me to just "recover, please come home!"
I am still fat.
The hospital bed is empty,
My bed is left untouched,
There is a silence as the wearers in black all sob and stare silently at the body in the ground.
Devasted and hushed...
I see them, but can no longer speak.
No longer able to feel, no longer live,
Forced to watch time pass and hearts mourn...
Their days now heartbroken and bleak.
My best friend doesn't speak, she now sits alone,
My mother sobs every night, family reminded
so often of my presence,
The one who secrelty loved me has loved no more,
Even my pets still wait outside my door.
Those who knew me, only can remember me in the things left behind,
Even the sun itself rarely shines.
Dead, lost, gone.
I am no longer fat,
But I also no longer- belong.
Jun 3, 2017
Jun 3, 2017 at 12:59 AM UTC
Loneliness Is Wishing To Cry
Can we really control our loneliness when it attacks? Of course not. However, we can employ the means by which to channel it into a positive force. A force whereby we recruit others and together battle this power of the dark side attempting to cajole us into this state of melancholy. We have to collectively rise to the occassion, and with the force of Good, vanquish it forever more.
Here is a short poem about what loneliness means to me. It was written at a time in my life when I was trying to deal with the recent death of a close family member. Needless to say, I was most devasted at the time of this writing. This poem at that time, in reflection, acted as a therapeutic means for me to "get it all out".
Loneliness is despair
Loneliness is something to beware
Loneliness is the thought today
of no tomorrow
Loneliness is wishing to cry
without knowing why
Loneliness is a simple feeling
without a simple answer
Loneliness comes
Loneliness goes
Loneliness is that uninvited guest
who visits, always without a request
Loneliness is a sickness
you my friend are the cure
Together we will strengthen
and together we will endure.....
Jul 30, 2015
Jul 30, 2015 at 5:56 PM UTC
my body is a tragedy
lined with fragmented artefacts
of a wartorn state
highlighted by shades of red
and lines of grey sadness
there is nothing like the pity
in the eyes of those trusted to provide aid
it sings a woeful song of healing and love
until you are okay to walk again
you become a symbol
of their service to society
and they move on to lands more beautiful
and planes much less devasted
you are left in the shadows
still broken but warmer than before
warmer despite the poison
you have been doused in called care
Mar 29, 2019
Mar 29, 2019 at 8:23 AM UTC
I stood in the aftermath
stunned and on the verge of breaking
mistaken and led astray
displaying dulled shades of grey
with not one to blame
and no grounds to gain
temptations and desire
the devils play
and I watched the cards rain down in flames
so hot to touch so bitter the taste
too devasted to keep a poker face
As the mob watches laughing at my dismay
I cradled a sentiment that lost all value
a picture frame flooded by my immoral statue
but there he stood before my eyes
I scratched out my face and gazed into his eyes
Remembering always falling sweet from his lips
I'll **** myself forever looking back on this
Mar 30, 2013
Mar 30, 2013 at 4:19 PM UTC
Letting go of your daddy’s hand to chase after butterflies is easy.
Letting go of your mommy’s leg to run to the school bus is easy.
Letting go of the monkey bars is easy.
Letting go of a ball after you throw it is easy.
Letting go of the hand of someone you loved so deeply so quickly is devastating.
Letting go of you was never that easy.
I loved you so quickly and trusted you so blindly. I can’t even fault you or be angry with you leaving. You never asked me to care but I did. It was like one moment you were there and we were happy and smiling…. then next I was sitting in my room. Alone. Confused. Used tissues surrounding me and my eyes clouded with tears. I listened to all the music you sent me and sometimes I can’t even believe that you meant the promises of being a favorite.
Devasted.
Broken.
Embarrassed.
Ashamed of myself for letting someone so close far too quickly. You promised me you were different but it all ended the way I am used too.
I thought I couldn’t do it. I thought I would be stuck on that kid with that **** snap back forever. I thought that I would get married to him and maybe have a future. Just maybe because there was such optimism in his voice when he said those words to me that I actually started to believe them.
I don’t hate myself for it. I don’t hate you for it.
I saw her Facebook the other day. “In a relationship” is usually the knife in the chest… it stung a little, but I think what bothered me the most was that the boy with the tattoos that made me all of these promises threw them in the trash. I think what hurts the most is having no closure. Abrupt endings hurt the worst when you have to rip your ties free of that person and try to fix the frayed ends. I was ****** and hated her… but then I realized I don’t hate her. I am actually really happy for her… and you because hopefully this is different for you. Because you deserve to be happy. Because I want her to be happy. But most of all because I deserve to be happy. There is no room in my heart for bitterness. I don’t deserve to be stomped on. Mostly because I forgive you and it is time to start moving on to a life I deserve.
I deserve to be the light that warms the room. I deserve to be the wind that freely travels the world. I deserve to be a free spirit. I deserve to experience love without fear of the past. I deserve to have a bright contagious smile and laugh and chase after the people who will better my life.
I never thought I would get to this part but I am still learning. Learning how to trust. Learning how to study. Learning how to interact with others. But mostly learning to let go of those who willingly leave my life.
I am learning but I still have a long way to go. At least I can say that the pain of learning has never made me happier. So this is me… still learning to let go.
May 6, 2016
May 6, 2016 at 1:11 AM UTC
Like a bird in cage,she flutters her wings for freedom
Prisoned in his devilish abode, she craves for attention
The Demon, bold and strong marked upon her his scent
'This is my territory and you are my prisoner
Never in my wildest dream will I let you free
as you are my only solace' he told her.
'I want freedom, in its accepted form'
Devasted I am with this imprisonment guarded by lust,
How can I unlock the cage to your heart,' she replied in a voice which trailed off into muteness
Agonised in pain
succumbed with misery,
She realised the path to his heart
Is one tough journey
The Demon made his appearance into her chamber,
Startled with his presence, she kept away her thoughts for later
For he came and pushed her
Kissing her passionately,against the wall.
Holding her up against the silky red plasters,
He worked his way to open her antique lace dress
With perfect dexterity,he unhooks every button
And plants silent kisses
She moans with pleasure
As he marks her with his teeth down her neck.
Lost herself to the demon of lust.
Not her mistake to fall in love,
Little did she knew the cost of love.
Such lust ; Such pain
The endurement of love.
Sep 2, 2014
Sep 2, 2014 at 4:54 PM UTC
astride the pale horse
into the devasted inner sanctum of the mind-less city
she was there in the barest cloak of filthy rags and clinging children
she said "25 cents if you want me here, 50 cents for there
and a dollar for the primal opening"
she smiled...her broken teeth glistening obscurely in the obsenity
--
we
-----
the one eyed one legged child crawled on and into the alley
begging the garbage cans to yield him some food
the refuse was swirling around the feet
of all the refugees
the pale horse moved on
the rider had no choice but to go along
----
we have no choice
-----
astride the pale horse we move along
Dec 9, 2010
Dec 9, 2010 at 9:52 AM UTC
How is it that at 14 I knew everything,
At 16 only more?
I was in love for a year, devasted for two.
At 19, I learned that I never knew you.
Which is strange because you were the thing I knew best.
I knew you better than your parents.
I knew that they were wrong,
To say we were too young to promise love,
How cruel! How absurd! We certainly aren't!
I knew they were wrong, until I learned that they weren't.
Then, new boy came along, wild eyes, hidden sadness,
But now at 19, an adult for sure,
I knew your intentions. You would be my cure.
You claimed not to love me, but you saw my beauty.
So surely I knew better! You must be kidding yourself.
I thought I could prove it by giving myself.
Yet again I was wrong, another two years I tried to believe
Intermittent with all those times I was ready to heave,
you away. But I never did.
So in between, at 20,
I leaned on One I called friend. Pills blurred reality.
One night saw that end.
21 now, let's hope I have learned.
You aren't like the others, you do as you say.
Unafraid to care, yet careful with promises, I hope you stay.
Oct 2, 2012
Oct 2, 2012 at 11:14 AM UTC
I try to make it worth it
Don't you see that im devasted
Try to tell you who I am
Meant for life
cause I'm gonna be me
im gonna be free
But you ignore me
lock up your heart from me
You never let it go free
I beg you
Even go down on my knees
Just listen
Open up your heart for me
that is all i need
you dont let me be happy
its because of you
that im frown upon
every time i stand up
you push me down
But i tell you this know
im stronger now
im wiser now
i dont look back in my past
i go toward the future
but i stand in the present
that is what i nuture
i meant to be me
i meant to befree
and now you lock up in syphony
now im not what i use to be
im here were im meant to be
Mar 26, 2016
Mar 26, 2016 at 11:58 AM UTC
Even when you're right
you're wrong,
old fox,
I see you're barking
Lick that little child's face,
they don't see what I saw
your teeth growing out again,
the feet of the furniture
devasted. dust and shaded
Apr 14, 2011
Apr 14, 2011 at 5:20 AM UTC
Winking through the windows of lust
I often eye on the beauties
They do lure my dopamine though
Still my mind manage to restrict those naughty thoughts
By Injecting the hormone of guilt
So deeply inside my core
Which never miss a single chance
To puncture my heart once more
Oozing out the blood of regret mercilessly
To make me feel devasted again and again
Feelings turned history
Absorbing the air of change
But still they hunt me
Like nightmare does to sleep
Still they ask me
Like vivas do to practicals
Instead of punishing me for my fault
They do adore me still
Instead of hate
They do sprinkle liquid of love
Still I wink through that window
In order to quench my hidden thirst
Still I repent again and again
But I repeat those mistakes
Don't know why
Still confused and arrested
I do wink aimlessly..............
May 3, 2016
May 3, 2016 at 3:02 AM UTC
I tripped a wire and
set off the bombs
devasted my skull
blowing out my eardrums
I wish I could escape the
massive flame but it burns within
My temple caved
as I march to the sound of a
broken war drum
The warrior has disappeared
lost in the smoke and fog
...I've lost the battle today
Sep 30, 2012
Sep 30, 2012 at 1:30 PM UTC
I'm nostalgic for a time that's not yet over,
The low hum glow of my phone,
Playing a new,
Chill band I found on Youtube at 3am.
Car ride,
With music blasting my eardrums,
While the shadows of trees cast on my face,
And warm air caresses my cheeks.
My hand on the wheel,
Of my mothers subaru,
Driving through school parking lots.
Lying on the grass,
Looking at the lake,
The sun sets,
And I experience a calm like no other.
"Hi!" I wave,
Another party,
New faces,
Music,
Friends.
More drives,
More music,
I pray this never ends
Cool day,
Sitting in this dressing room
Girls attack me with fits of laughter,
Begging for jokes,
For stories.
Asking me for anything,
To make them feel valued.
"My dad is horrible"
"My parents are divorced"
"I heard Anya cuts herself"
I give them advice,
Pretend that I'm wise,
Even though I'm trying to figure it all out myself.
Dark,
Stars,
Chill,
Night.
Sitting on swings,
Talking to you,
About our entire lives.
I'm nostalgic,
For a time thats not yet over.
But I'll be so devasted when it is.
Aug 25, 2017
Aug 25, 2017 at 1:26 AM UTC
Hallo is it you *****
I am trying to reach Robert but his phone is off,
Noah cannot pick either, bet he's still sleeping
Try getting hold of them and tell your brothers Charlie has just died,
His house burned down last with him inside.
The children saw it when they were going to school this morning
I have sent Mama Jane down to see
Wekesa, our house help is here but cannot speak,
That is Mama Jesca wailing,
I don't like screams, off you go Jesca, stop the wailing
Its a sad time son,
Plan and come down here as soon as you can
Quickly tell your brothers,
I want you all here with me,
The family needs each of you.
The askaris have come to take away his body to the mortuary,
They're also investigating the cause of the fire,
I cannot go down there with my swollen feet,
I just hope he did not do it himself with the petrol he was stealing from the generator,
He had gone to take ***** with Turkana the night guard.
My poor Charlie,
I don't know what I feel right now
I am sure Mama Helen is devasted,
It must be so hard to loose a son, I was not ready for this,
I don't know *****
We will lay him on the left lawn with pink frangipani trees
We will have to chop down a few oleanders and mulberries
We will make him a small house over his grave
After a year I will work on his tombstone with help of you boys
I will write the epitaph myself.
Jul 26, 2019
Jul 26, 2019 at 5:02 AM UTC
i wonder if your mind slips a bit in
chaos, killing doubts into lonely paths of lust, into the darkness, where my hands are ghosts touching souls, but my heart pounds rapidly ever after, thinking of you, maybe lonely, or devasted or maybe as just a reminder that life is within us, when we think of each other, when we let our wet dreams be real for once, when they slip out of our sneaky minds, pass loads of roads and miles and miles
just to get into two strange arms and a heartbeat. Cause baby we've got miles ahead us, and pure lights to show us the way when everything is blur. Everything except you. Cause you, you're my lifeguard. When I'm at the edge, when my feet can't bare the shore anymore, when my head's in the clouds and my feet lost, lost in wonderland, you're the one that holds me tight. And I am there. Standing. For once again.
Thinking how I could have drowned. But you saved me.
And now I'm drowning in thoughts,
maybe that's the painful price of having feet instead of wings. I never thought I could fly. But you lift me high and then.. Everything stops. It's just you and me in this world. I could show you the black and white strips on my underwear and you could save the stars for me. But whats the point anyway?
Time is passing by like-no there's no simile for time at least for now-
It just flows away.. Just like our dreams. Doesn't it? It seems so familiar. This feeling of devastation, this feeling of hope inside us. But we can't. We can't just walk into bodies, knock the door to their souls and make a home there. Because that's definately not the way world is made up. Our world.
And we've got a rollercoaster waiting...
Apr 22, 2017
Apr 22, 2017 at 8:38 AM UTC
The oncoming
The human tragedy is not to learn from the past
The world is in an uproar a nuclear war is coming
The belief is by using a smaller bomb it will not be so bad
So also, is the thinking of the enemy.
Millions of people will be killed and nature already
Devasted will collapse too.
It appears to me that the coming tragedy is ordained
That unknown forces will make it this way, it is uncanny
That we blithely walk around with no care in the world
As the Damocles sword has loosened from it ropes, and
Is about to fall.
What is left is scorched earth circling around the sun
The seasons will come and go in in silence and we shall
Not hear the joyous laughter of the young.
Sep 24, 2019
Sep 24, 2019 at 6:21 AM UTC
Three years now.
Battling just to get the pain to be less. To get new knees that has been worn and torn by a disease.
To be able to walk with less pain.
To feel free just a bit more.
First was to find a doctor.
You heard third time the charm.
Found a surgeon who could fix the unknown damages from an absolute mess of another.
You know it's just normal to not be able to use a knee the way it was meant to be use. You know to bend or straight when it was necessary. Your body can handle the adjustments just a bit more.
Only took almost a year to find.
Now the wait of approval from FDA and insurance?
Just stiffness in the morning. No biggie. More pain meds. No biggie either.
The call came in. A voice said it's approved. Yeppie!!
Only a year later of waiting.
Papers signed. Now the date of surgery.
But first. Get the medical clearance. No worries. Easy pisey. Okay. Date set.
You know only about couple days for the big day.
Oh! A voice came in. Insurance didn't approve the surgery just yet.
Say what?!? Tears flow down as the voice speak.
Hope was shot down like piercing a hole into a heart.
It's okay the voice said. Don't give up on me yet. It will happen! Be patient please. Yea patient is the key. That's all I've given to you was patient. Anger boils within.
Time has past. More pain around the knee. You know the normal wear and tear of the disease. It's okay. You are strong. You can do it. Been dealing with it your whole life.
It's the voice. Finally good news. Insurance approved!
Only half a year later. Okay. The process of medical clearance again.
Office visit.
Talk with the voices about surgery. Sign more papers. Know every single detail. Happy faces. Good vibes. Only took us two years to get here. Finally the big day has finally happening soon. Give hugs and smiles.
Driving to work. The voice appeared on the phone.
Stare at the phone wondering why. Answered. Voice said bad news. There was miscommunication with company of the implant and the voices.
Say what?!?
You know how many times can hope and faith be ripped out of you? Devasted. Burned to the core.
Broken. Faith was lost. Holding the breakage of the tears. Got to work. Tears flew like a water. Anger boiling like an exploding volcano. That's it. I'm done. No more faith. This isn't happening anytime soon. Dreams were pushed back further. Just continue to live life. Continue college. Graduation is coming soon. You don't need the new knees jsut yet.
More pain appeared each day.
All this battle just to get this surgery. What does one single person have to fight through just to get this? Is there hope in me to continue to wait? It's only three years. How many more just to feel less pain? Now more waiting.
Aug 26, 2018
Aug 26, 2018 at 2:54 AM UTC
Keep it in the family
Don't let the outside in
Keep your wrists tight bandaged
Don't let them know your sin.
Secrets are so volatile, they rot away, you're feeling vile, your body violated, the family will be devasted.
Just for a while it all seems right, the night is far from you, but secrets held so close have a way of eating through the toughest skin, keep it in, keep the sin, one day you'll learn to fight the fear that cuts you deep, won't let you sleep.
Don't let them see you bleeding
Don't let them see the tears
They'll read about you in your eyes and
be mesmerised until the hurt you feel is cauterised by the passing of the years.
Sep 2, 2015
Sep 2, 2015 at 7:52 PM UTC