The reversed desire.
Over years and years of striving and adjusting, adapting from the real life after school, learning, working and building everything from careers to a home - eventually you will get everything most from material things and desires, your pursuit, to stuff and state you’ve initially dying to get.
And when you’re there. Your young self will realize that there might be bigger things in life, but your core self will realize that your contentment is at peak. Now you’re starting to feel rusted, perhaps, sometimes, pragmatically bored.
Through experience you will see light in every darkness, from different kinds of human beings that became, and is part of your life. You’ve known it. You see the motives, you see through everything. Two steps ahead, the outcomes, the results, the fallback and the possibilities. You map the unmapped and if there are new branches of the path you expect and you realized it’s a breeze to know how to navigate it. You will come to a point that there are few things in life that matters to you. A love one, family or a passion. Yes - You achieve it all. You are an achiever. You don’t beg. You have it. You can have it. You’ve mastered the art of timing, and the art of going to different kinds of war. You got nothing to ask for and you’re not thrilled with life.
But the thing is - you’re just in your thirties. You don’t have the luxury of life like what people see in social media, and you don’t mind. You have a sense that you don’t need anything anymore. It happens. Now there are instances that you mindlessly self destruct. People may view this as a kind of immaturity, but they cannot understand you. You know their stand, all those stereotyped uncle’s and friend’s judgements blow in your face, But still, You’re cool with it - but it ***** that no one understands your state of losing your sense of purpose.
It comes. The bad thing is - you’re young. There are people who reached a state of “Whatever life throws at me, I can handle it” phase where they are millionaires at their 40s, 50’s, 60’’s - Or, the other side, when all other things are well handled, You still can forecast that you can handle everything without any volatility in terms of your physical, mental, financial and emotional health - but what if you’re just in your early 30’s. It will seem that a lot of people will not understand you. You are still in the build phase and still a ‘baby’ essentially in terms of the human lifespan, and yet, you are telling that you are having your peak?
True enough, it sometimes, happens. And it is quite difficult. Mostly, you are a giver. You’ve spent vacation-less years working like a dog, pursuing everything at a high rate of speed, going on to finish-lines earlier than your peers. Taking care of people around you, loving without any expectation of returns at all aspects. You become an eagle. An eagle that roams the bluest skies and stormiest weathers hunting for your self. A wolf, that provides sufficient resources for the pack. A loving human that is always misunderstood yet - you’ve become a person with a wisdom, not caring for things you cannot control, with an indestructible armor of self belief, smashing every goals and roadblocks in the way. And yes - you will reach a point where you don’t lose. You are a super machine adapting and leveraging to every scenarios thrown at you. You are a master of everything. Nothing can bring you down. Not even any lowest point of your life, which you’ve experienced and evaded smoothly because you have an amazing comprehension on everything, both intellectually and in relationships. You pick your battles, and you are a hustler. But when you go home alone, your mind spans big like the universe. You’ve mastered the art of contentment. Whatever is lacking, you supply. So in short, you are young, you don’t need anybody. You are a giver, and you can maneuver on anything - Now there comes a time, what is next and what is the point? Moreover, what makes you happy? What is the next stage? What is the inspiration?
You are reading up to this point because you might be one of them. I’d tell you, there are a few people who can relate, and are self-sufficient. We’ve been too wounded and scratched to worry about anything. Sometimes, too strong for our own good.
Sometimes, we own our own mind too much and overrated as it sounds, we’ve mastered the battles in our wars too much in our own ways that we come to a point that we cannot move forward due to a lack of drive to anything. We tend to misunderstand if this anxiety is some form of mental illness. Maybe? Maybe not? But how will we move forward like you usually do. You solve everything. You are used to failures. Failures are normal and you learn from it. What’s next? What thrills you? What’s the point of living?
Sometimes you will get so consistently efficient in everything significant to you, could it be work, career, passion projects or people - to a point that all you wanted are the reverse of things. You go hard, you achieve it, but then what? There are moments when what matters are those things that you ‘must-not’ have, that you currently have - and you’re thrilled about it.
Wait, what? Yes - sometimes, you will reach a point where there is something called “The reversed desire”. This is your challenge at the back of your head. This is the hidden martyrdom that triggers fuel from your soul. The what-if’s inside your heart. You know you can get anything you want, and therefore, what if I could lose something valuable? A death maybe? A hard reset?
Just like what is happening right now. We are in the middle of a pandemic. This is the time where all your creative juices should be flowing. You think of silly things. You ideate. We can conclude that anything has a reset button, even the world itself. Now what if you don’t have what you have? Will it supply the needed fire to your heart to continue living? What if you reverse your desires just to make a dent to your cold soul and continue thriving to the given norms?
You don’t get satisfied with anything unless you un-have it. Brings to a point, that man is a pleasure seeking animal. And if you’ve mastered the most stoic approach at life, Your spirit might seek the alternative ways to satisfy your inner life crumblings. It’s always a reset essential that enables you to do more.
The reversed desire.