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Jowlough Jan 2021
Rain gives joy in a humid place
It’s likelihood, a subtle chase
Like a mother’s soup you savor to the drop.

Showering the dessert land
Little as your attention span

It’s rarity, the purity.
Gives excitement to the trees
Oh I miss the windy bliss .

Water traces in the sand
Running palm-lines of your hand

Rain-sun ratio’s one to nine
It’s a summer year day in and out
Longing for the moistened breeze

Like the love you've put in vain
Subtle showers like the rain

Longing for the mist and the cold
Talking weather is plain too old

Watered sand dunes dug a hole
dying heart and shattered soul.
(C) Jan 28 2021 - jcjuatco - dyokar
Jowlough Mar 2020
The hidden hustlers.

Most of the time, we question the focus of the people we know who are used to having multi faceted things going on with their lives. Stereotypically, most folks have one track sense of judgement on their failures blaming it on the lack of time because of the multiple things those multi faceted people do. There is a known imperative for the common haters, keyboard warriors and ****-hurts of the judging world of current social media to capitalize on the mistakes rather than what has been accomplished, boiling down to, yes, lack of focus.

These people are low-key hustlers. These are people who have massive amounts of real pursuit in terms of things outside their core jobs. People who are the reasons why charities exist, and the same category of people why art forms in this earth continue to be significant. They are usually those folks who are the outliers of the common society, and what a joy to meet and get inspired by these people.

And yes, they are the ones who has people’s eyes sticked in their backs for most part of their lives. The ones who are often exposed to criticisms and judgement, particularly to things like lack of focus during the event of setbacks and misfortunes. When a failure arises, the first one to blame is the lack of focus. I’ve experienced it myself and to the other people, and some, to the closest circle where I personally noticed the struggle in terms of managing their time and their long-lined patience. More than time actual struggle, it’s the stereotyped judgments that hurt them.

But through the years of observation, I found the idea reversed.

Reversed in a sense that I believe that most of the multi-faceted persons have the most solid and ******* focus someone can get from a person. Over the decade of experience in the workplace, those who have side hustles and passion projects are the people who have actual pedigree on lending an extra thousands of miles when tasked to do something. They are the master of balance. They sacrifice their passions hideously depending on human variables such as timing and use of words. They are over-reactive internally and complicated critical thinkers because they won’t allow slightest of any judgement touch and blame the things they are passionate during an event of delays on the tasks they are doing. They know how to sacrifice and be hurt in the process. These are the people who spends sleepless nights just to save their passion projects and keep them afloat in hectic schedules, they are the hustlers in such a way that any loopholes that lead to destroying the things they love can’t be tolerated, so they better put in the hard work hiding in plain sight even if there are no eyes looking, they are masters of making it effortless in the naked eye. But when you dig further on how they do it, you know that they are always in a brink of dying due to misunderstandings and angry loved ones, families and friends because they have been all juggled inside the 24-hour day. Yes they know their shortcomings, but I say, it’s the reverse in terms of  focus.

Some people might relate to this because, I know that these are the people who has thirst to etch something in the world, but is to busy to market and brag it. They have multiple pockets of insane hours and grit on their focal points of pursuits.

Only people with strong focus can be experts in their multi-faceted fields of pursuit. Without massive amount of focus, you won’t be able to build multiple habits. And without the habits, you won’t be experts. Period.

And the funny thing is, often time, people who are judging them on their slightest mistakes are usually reactions from mediocre individuals who are connected with them and sometimes, the victim character who got the lesser attention time from the multi-faceted hustler, thus stirring up pressure because, looking at it, there is a level of dependence, and any delays or setbacks could be  attributed to the ‘so-called’ lack of focus.

These hustlers are people, who are sometimes, difficult to understand. They give vague reasons why they cannot attend a not so important life event. They mastered the art of matured alibis so they won’t hurt feelings. But true enough - they might be insensitive at times.

They get anxiety when they don’t produce something out of their passions. They are curators of their own products. These are the natural creatives, in which, ironically, the stereotype judgment on their mistakes are usually associated with time management issues, lack of focus and improper spending of money on things that majority of people won’t appreciate, or worst, in some eyes, are not important because it doesn’t profit.

I find it ironic when those people who are multi-faceted are more focused than those who are masters of a singular field. We can say that both has focus, but cancelling out the posers, multi-faceted hustlers have the most low-key grit and grind attribute you can find in any human being.
They won’t anyone touch their joys with one-dimension judgement. But they are not showy and everything seemed to be effortless.

So what I'm telling you is somehow the argument is in reverse. They tend to be targeted because of their vague presence, in which results speak for itself. they are working in the shadows - They are the people who inspires, who are strong, and the ones who deserve any small amount of appreciation. They are the people I call the hidden hustlers.
Jowlough Mar 2020
The reversed desire.

Over years and years of striving and adjusting, adapting from the real life after school, learning, working and building everything from careers to a home - eventually you will get everything most from material things and desires, your pursuit, to stuff and state you’ve initially dying to get.

And when you’re there. Your young self will realize that there might be bigger things in life, but your core self will realize that your contentment is at peak. Now you’re starting to feel rusted, perhaps, sometimes, pragmatically bored.

Through experience you will see light in every darkness, from different kinds of human beings that became, and is part of your life. You’ve known it. You see the motives, you see through everything. Two steps ahead, the outcomes, the results, the fallback and the possibilities. You map the unmapped and if there are new branches of the path you expect and you realized it’s a breeze to know how to navigate it. You will come to a point that there are few things in life that matters to you. A love one, family or a passion. Yes - You achieve it all. You are an achiever. You don’t beg. You have it. You can have  it. You’ve mastered the art of timing, and the art of going to different kinds of war. You got nothing to ask for and you’re not thrilled with life.

But the thing is - you’re just in your thirties. You don’t have the luxury of life like what people see in social media, and you don’t mind. You have a sense that you don’t need anything anymore. It happens. Now there are instances that you mindlessly self destruct. People may view this as a kind of immaturity, but they cannot understand you. You know their stand, all those stereotyped uncle’s and friend’s judgements blow in your face, But still, You’re cool with it - but it ***** that no one understands your state of losing your sense of purpose.

It comes. The bad thing is - you’re young. There are people who reached a state of “Whatever life throws at me, I can handle it” phase where they are millionaires at their 40s, 50’s, 60’’s - Or, the other side, when all other things are well handled, You still can forecast that you can handle everything without any volatility in terms of your physical, mental, financial and emotional health - but what if you’re just in your early 30’s. It will seem that a lot of people will not understand you. You are still in the build phase and still a ‘baby’ essentially in terms of the human lifespan, and yet, you are telling that you are having your peak?

True enough, it sometimes, happens. And it is quite difficult. Mostly, you are a giver. You’ve spent vacation-less years working like a dog, pursuing everything at a high rate of speed, going on to finish-lines earlier than your peers. Taking care of people around you, loving without any expectation of returns at all aspects. You become an eagle. An eagle that roams the bluest skies and stormiest weathers hunting for your self. A wolf, that provides sufficient resources for the pack. A loving human that is always misunderstood yet - you’ve become a person with a wisdom, not caring for things you cannot control, with an indestructible armor of self belief, smashing every goals and roadblocks in the way. And yes - you will reach a point where you don’t lose. You are a super machine adapting and leveraging to every scenarios thrown at you. You are a master of everything. Nothing can bring you down. Not even any lowest point of your life, which you’ve experienced and evaded smoothly because you have an amazing comprehension on everything, both intellectually and in relationships. You pick your battles, and you are a hustler. But when you go home alone, your mind spans big like the universe. You’ve mastered the art of contentment. Whatever is lacking, you supply. So in short, you are young, you don’t need anybody. You are a giver, and you can maneuver on anything - Now there comes a time, what is next and what is the point? Moreover, what makes you happy? What is the next stage? What is the inspiration?

You are reading up to this point because you might be one of them. I’d tell you, there are a few people who can relate, and are self-sufficient. We’ve been too wounded and scratched to worry about anything. Sometimes, too strong for our own good.

Sometimes, we own our own mind too much and overrated as it sounds, we’ve mastered the battles in our wars too much in our own ways that we come to a point that we cannot move forward due to a lack of drive to anything. We tend to misunderstand if this anxiety is some form of mental illness. Maybe? Maybe not? But how will we move forward like you usually do. You solve everything. You are used to failures. Failures are normal and you learn from it. What’s next? What thrills you? What’s the point of living?

Sometimes you will get so consistently efficient in everything significant to you, could it be work, career, passion projects or people - to a point that all you wanted are the reverse of things. You go hard, you achieve it, but then what? There are moments when what matters are those things that you ‘must-not’ have, that you currently have - and you’re thrilled about it.

Wait, what? Yes - sometimes, you will reach a point where there is something called “The reversed desire”.  This is your challenge at the back of your head. This is the hidden martyrdom that triggers fuel from your soul. The what-if’s inside your heart. You know you can get anything you want, and therefore, what if I could lose something valuable? A death maybe? A hard reset?

Just like what is happening right now. We are in the middle of a pandemic. This is the time where all your creative juices should be flowing. You think of silly things. You ideate. We can conclude that anything has a reset button, even the world itself. Now what if you don’t have what you have? Will it supply the needed fire to your heart to continue living? What if you reverse your desires just to make a dent to your cold soul and continue thriving to the given norms?

You don’t get satisfied with anything unless you un-have it. Brings to a point, that man is a pleasure seeking animal. And if you’ve mastered the most stoic approach at life, Your spirit might seek the alternative ways to satisfy your inner life crumblings. It’s always a reset essential that enables you to do more.

The reversed desire.
Jowlough May 2016
A thing of the graved past
Is not relevant at all.
But things you did not disclose
Is a deep dark nightmare call.

There was this noble boy
Who you've said have courted you.
You said he's a good friend
And he liked you.

I see he loves cars and travel
More often than you do,
A noble inheritor of a family firm
With an atlethic frame and hue.

But,  the way you describe him
Sounded like he has no mere value.
And me: I believed in the light
Of your tongues' sweet fondue.

Of all this precious time,
My mind have held your stories
Grasped and chained
Optimistic and unworried

Of all this time, doubts.
Yes doubting was never an option
Nor an attempt to juice
Even the slightest blood potion

Until Unexpectedly time came,
Yes on your twentieth birthday,
Expectant was not in the thoughts
Of positivism I've had for years.

Unaware and extremely honest
Smiling with a chance to navigate
Your smart phone's veins
Having a funny faith.

Until someone peeped and popped
From the large screen landscape.
And I never knew
That it was the pivot of my life
Nor a wrist sliding through a knife.

The SMS said, "I love you".
Then blah blah, "missed you"
And all of the mumbled I've seen,
Numbed my soul and ego.

I got wounded. Deeply wounded.
Every word, there's a stab
In my heart, cutting every veins
Feeling the friction and I rub

My eye, it has water I see flowing,
You loved him more than the sun
And I see the young persona of you
Blinkering infront the gun

Like a gun, Pointed at my temples
I've found my self humbly destroyed,
As I knew you missed the guy,
And how you were overjoyed.

Devasted in every word
Knees are trembling with grief
I never knew that I could,
Incorporate you with disbelief.

And as you came in the room
I immediately handed your phone,
And pulled the "surprise" curtain
And greeted you with a nice tone.

"Happy birthday, Darling"
I love you so much. With tears,
Streaming, spine shivering,
Caught off guard by the latch.

Then I stayed. Yes I'm invinsible
And strong as a boxer in the ring.
I've faced your family
Despite of the heavy sting.

Then the lights activated
And someone whispered me
And said "hey sweetie"
"The breakfast is ready"

I quickly jumped up out the bed,
And sip my good coffee
As I think of memories
Escaping the reality.

Looking at the kids
My heart beats faster than the bullet
As I look at your picture
In my treasure box's closet.

Then my wife whispered to me,
"Hunny, who is she?"
I said she is an ex giflfriend
Who cheated me nasty

As my wife and I are alone
She asked me, "why?"
I wrote this poem,
And I almost died.

Then I woke up again
Realizing it was just another dream;
I've found my 26 year old self
Decided to empty this bin

A bin full of trash
From memories who hurted my home
My heart and my brain woke up
Feeling pained and all alone.
Art in my head is dying and the passion is hanging in the hole of a needle.
Jowlough Mar 2016
A man's ego is a thick wall
Covering his vulnerable soul,
Protects him from shivering
From the outside cold.

It is his coach, and his captain
As well as his life's  good coach,
Protecting the his exteriors
From his fragility he never boasts.

As soft as the clouds wandering
Through the dust of the city life,
Same as the careful veins
Embedded in a womans' soft heart.

Snugged in his vicious tongue
With every word in his gauntlet
Warming his soul away
From any dark and cold blankets.

Like diamonds you try to dismantle
And see him break at once,
As he snaps to put the pieces back
But the cracks can't be undone.
Jowlough Mar 2015
It's been a long and lonely daylight.
There was nothing but the sun
Then you came and lit my sadness apart
With your bubbly smile.

Darling you don't have to tell me,
Just a signal and it's done.
I don't really know the reason you exist,
But tell me it's worth your while.

But tell me it's worth your while.
I never really know
if we can get a conversation
but every bit of you makes me high

It's been a long and fruitful friendship
I'm heading north, you're going east.
But you know that I will never forget,
that our times have got you high.
Jowlough Sep 2014
She puts her mind
Into a state of independence
Never needing anything
From no one

Above the cloud She soars
And took the hearts of many,
Carrying the weight
Of the uneven

Stars have fallen on this love
Reasons to leave is all you have.
But never you forget,
The same, reasons why you've stayed.

The secret recipe
She makes for life is worth it
She never wore her make up
For her sadness.

A sudden glimpse of all the shadows
You are burdened
As she brushed her hair
Away from her shoulders

*The sun have shined on this love
Reasons to leave is all you have.
One thing you should know.
Everything must come to an end.
(c) jcjuatco 9.24.14

— The End —