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Xoenty Mar 21
I was determined to succeed, but didn’t really have the faith
I doubted myself,
Because of the consequences faced
Tears run down to my soon to be wrinkled cheek
What am I??
A lady with no hope for the future, and with a purpose unknown but expectations.

Others wake up to their work places
I trot around, In my old ragged and tattered clothes
Young children mock me
I don't have the strength to fight back
With no food in my 4 but 2-legged table
I sit down and expect food.

I’m living a life, that no one wants to live
The kind of life I have, has short lived happy memories
A chain of sad memories, A thought lingers in my mind
As I think of the good times, I had with my father
I was once happy, but he left before it could all stick
I then lived a life with tears as my daily bread
Accompanied by bruises as my tea
The woman I called mother changed or maybe she was blinded
She couldn’t see the difference between her daughter and just a figure
All that pain was slowly killing me
It felt like I was being suffocated and drowned at the same time
I only wished that I could die, without feeling anymore of it.

Living a life where you are reminded of how good it once was
A life where the only time you say something
Is when you are sobbing in your little bed
I used to wonder what my crime was
I never chose to be a girlchild
But I was suffering for fate’s course

I ran and never looked back, I forgot about that place
At least I thought I did, but I didn’t, I couldn’t
And look at me now
I’m stuck in a world that surely doesn’t want me
I’m living because I’m a coward
I cannot take my own life, but I think about it a lot
My heart is really hurt, my body and soul too
It feels like it was once constructed,
Then bisected
I’m devasted and hungry
Dejected and angry
But I don’t know who I’m angry at?
Do I still blame my father for dying?
My mother for forgetting that I was hers?
Or at myself, for letting it all get to me.
Xoenty Mar 20
The struggle of finding where to stand in this hard life is harder each day
Growing up, having noone to look up to...
Living in a family where we all had to work so hard to become something
Our parents so poor the only thing they could give us were our names
Not able to afford school, illiteracy is the backbone of my story
Being shoved around everywhere because I could not answer a simple question in English "Who are you?"
It is funny how life decides to slap you, again and again
Till you see it best to pack that plastic bag of yours you carry and go back home
Home where no one judges anyone because we are all the same
Ignorant yet hardworking..
I haven't been active for the longest time possible due to some huge personal issues, i just hope i haven't lost my touch
Xoenty Feb 2021
Heavily weighing me down,
the question of whether i should or shouldn't
saddens my thoughts.

Not one to struggle with decisions,
but whenever you're in the equation
its just unsolvable
its all unintegratable

Deep down im convinced i shouldn't,
but as your soft hand caresses my cheek
The mind just says to me "you should"
Xoenty Feb 2021
all alone in a world of thoughts

all alone in your own mind

suddenly all sanity is gone.
because you don't trust that your own thoughts can lead you to light
because it's dark you anticipate how dark they will be also
Till you give and they take over
Only to awaken  clean and empty
Xoenty Feb 2021
she kept on closing and opening them
trying to identify a rhythm
she would wipe the tears with her little fingers,
and smile

a ball suffocating her from inside
her throat closing in she now couldn't breath
while her eyes kept playing a game
opening and closing

she hoped she would close them, and open them only to find his face in front of hers
And he's hand wiping a tear of her cheeks
Xoenty Feb 2021
I always thought that being in love
was the best feeling to be felt
I adored all those who claimed to be in love
I envied those that seemed happy
Then i fell in love with you

I came to realize,
All i saw or thought i saw
were illusions...

Love was painful to me
or maybe it's because i fell in love with you and not you with me
because i had all fantasies printed deep in my mind
As i grew to love you,, you just looked at me and continued tolerating me

Now i don't know, if i should fall again..
fall for the next person
or stay in this state..
Admiring what seems to be love,, from a distance

— The End —