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"assuages" poems
Twisted sheets, mind on stutter Unable to sort through this midnight clutter Put it away for tomorrow But what to do with my gnawing sorrow? I circle soft blue on color book pages Hoping the repetition eventually assuages The raw edged reality of lonely dark hours Filling the void with Crayola flowers
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Sep 2, 2015
Sep 2, 2015 at 11:35 PM UTC
Blue
686 They say that “Time assuages”— Time never did assuage— An actual suffering strengthens As Sinews do, with age— Time is a Test of Trouble— But not a Remedy— If such it prove, it prove too There was no Malady—
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2.9k
They say that “Time assuages”
Soulful Migration Dedicated to all whose names are only spoken from headstones and now flowers is the only representation of their sweet presence that use to be aromatic and change our moods and thoughts with precious regularity now we are left to recall their words from memories grand in a much sadder land A stream of faces and lives collect in a desert pool man’s measure stands in the stature of those he Knows life’s heat he assuages from this spring shadowed and cool the best medicine man knows is Family and friends formidable are the mountains the arid land belongs to no man although Georgia O Keefe revealed its hidden Burnished glory time is the relentless stalker youth falls before its will surly The bugler stands at life’s sunset to play taps so life is ran this one thing I know he will play reveille at the Eastern gate the hair has turned snowy white soon the soul will know freedom we who are left will Celebrate and speak the truth of your nobility you placed in our soul’s steel and granite enough to defend A kingdom the majesty of God declared your lives must be or all would be vain life can best be described As grand theater the elderly are the stars and we are the understudy the divine architect designed the Physical stage in perfect ascetic severity the symmetry is flawless no angles are hidden from view the Cost to play on this stage is everything you have or ever hope to have the consequence is eternal the Low and frivolous are denied any central part Good by Uncle Floyd aunt Kate
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Jan 29, 2012
Jan 29, 2012 at 10:23 PM UTC
Soulful Migration
Soulful Migration Dedicated to all whose names are only spoken from headstones and now flowers is the only representation of their sweet presence that use to be aromatic and change our moods and thoughts with precious regularity now we are left to recall their words from memories grand in a much sadder land A stream of faces and lives collect in a desert pool man’s measure stands in the stature of those he Knows life’s heat he assuages from this spring shadowed and cool the best medicine man knows is Family and friends formidable are the mountains the arid land belongs to no man although Georgia O Keefe revealed its hidden Burnished glory time is the relentless stalker youth falls before its will surly The bugler stands at life’s sunset to play taps so life is ran this one thing I know he will play reveille at the Eastern gate the hair has turned snowy white soon the soul will know freedom we who are left will Celebrate and speak the truth of your nobility you placed in our soul’s steel and granite enough to defend A kingdom the majesty of God declared your lives must be or all would be vain life can best be described As grand theater the elderly are the stars and we are the understudy the divine architect designed the Physical stage in perfect ascetic severity the symmetry is flawless no angles are hidden from view the Cost to play on this stage is everything you have or ever hope to have the consequence is eternal the Low and frivolous are denied any central part Good by Uncle Floyd aunt Kate
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15
Picture it when in a flash of a description, brought you the news it said was your derelict. when in becoming we ultimately fail our being championed by our unbecoming seeking the real scathed by a sizeable truth like a persimmon in your tender hand. This is the default sketched over a sagging paper, plugged within the air the motes depart and is as easy as it is explained: an elusive thing that may never be captured. Something the arriving betrays then assuages with a word treated benignly: a transit. let gray define the day: let the file describe the motive: let presence soil where we stood our place like a monument: let it seek a real object or a found language a wafting presence is lost somewhere gliding over unnamed territories commencing a displacement said was our undisputable location roads becoming roads vehicles becoming salvage birds becoming orchestra shambles becoming complete thus dearth becoming us before our denied image from a source that was our implacable place like a deadspot discovered
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Jun 14, 2016
Jun 14, 2016 at 3:03 AM UTC
the default
O leave your hand where it lies cool Upon the eyes whose lids are hot: Its rosy shade is bountiful Of silence, and assuages thought. O lay your lips against your hand And let me feel your breath through it, While through the sense your song shall fit The soul to understand. The music lives upon my brain Between your hands within mine eyes; It stirs your lifted throat like pain, An aching pulse of melodies. Lean nearer, let the music pause: The soul may better understand Your music, shadowed in your hand Now while the song withdraws.
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1.4k
Song And Music
Manila    is  fray Tough enough to die,     Brave enough to see ****** against         the billboards    ***** on the marketplace    ***** men haggling for prices    the corners are squalid -- rats with ambitions   of men take  their places    in     the esteros    a car-horn blares, wanes old moon music.       I sing songs of malversation. Trains all graffiti.      My heart like a jailbird freed somewhere          in the big sur; love assuages nothing,     comes with a cheap price           a freak December night in Roxas blvd.      i sit on marble benches and dream         of artilleries, garlands on snuff-nosed             barrels, nuns   grieving  dust      in    the ground.    communal bathrooms          drunk in foolish caricatures,    the tabloids     displaying  flowerheads --         the democracy in the streets a ****     for      kings,  no    love to   lull         me    to infantile    sleep          tortured are   the   bulls     matadors    hiding  behind    faces red   like        faces    of    statesmen   flushed with           the   spirit   of   bourbon    whereas we are    here   river-facing        northern tip of its  undying source   like    wives    on  balustrades   waiting       to catch   the fragrance   of   inamoratas,    light  reenters           interstice   of   chary webs of  dull heads   hemmed in like   canopies   in the throat      of     overthrown ponds,   scraps      of metal    sold    for a  night's  worth         of    gin   and   Sinatra,   Deep within   the   grave, the dead   laughing        at the dead living. Atop   waters,    yachts peering   into   drowning  fish,        in   the middle, a   jam   of buses          belching    lassitudes that    strangle     the console,    the man    in all  of us        the same,   cursing behind   the wheel    and everybody    else    different               dancing    at   the   top   of our   heads.
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Feb 27, 2016
Feb 27, 2016 at 5:04 AM UTC
Limbo
Manila    is  fray Tough enough to die,     Brave enough to see ****** against         the billboards    ***** on the marketplace    ***** men haggling for prices    the corners are squalid -- rats with ambitions   of men take  their places    in     the esteros    a car-horn blares, wanes old moon music.       I sing songs of malversation. Trains all graffiti.      My heart like a jailbird freed somewhere          in the big sur; love assuages nothing,     comes with a cheap price           a freak December night in Roxas blvd.      i sit on marble benches and dream         of artilleries, garlands on snuff-nosed             barrels, nuns   grieving  dust      in    the ground.    communal bathrooms          drunk in foolish caricatures,    the tabloids     displaying  flowerheads --         the democracy in the streets a ****     for      kings,  no    love to   lull         me    to infantile    sleep          tortured are   the   bulls     matadors    hiding  behind    faces red   like        faces    of    statesmen   flushed with           the   spirit   of   bourbon    whereas we are    here   river-facing        northern tip of its  undying source   like    wives    on  balustrades   waiting       to catch   the fragrance   of   inamoratas,    light  reenters           interstice   of   chary webs of  dull heads   hemmed in like   canopies   in the throat      of     overthrown ponds,   scraps      of metal    sold    for a  night's  worth         of    gin   and   Sinatra,   Deep within   the   grave, the dead   laughing        at the dead living. Atop   waters,    yachts peering   into   drowning  fish,        in   the middle, a   jam   of buses          belching    lassitudes that    strangle     the console,    the man    in all  of us        the same,   cursing behind   the wheel    and everybody    else    different               dancing    at   the   top   of our   heads.
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44
come, little wolf boy you do not scare me. i've seen you before. i've met you before. i know you're truly weak. behind a sleek fur coat you hide your many scars of fathers you have long since passed once you found out who you are you're fur is soft, a comfort for me after all, i haven't seen you in so long it assuages me and thaws your heart you've been running for so long through snow, sleet, and hail you've forgotten that you can rest with me we always stay together though gust and gale
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Feb 25, 2017
Feb 25, 2017 at 7:21 PM UTC
little wolf boy
I just wish I could get my head and my heart to play on the same team, but they are constantly at odds. My heart still yearns for a man that never loved me to begin with, convinces me that it's worth responding when he texts me some empty ******** that momentarily assuages his guilt for his selfishness. On a Saturday night when all my friends are off with someone who loves them, my heart pumps heavy against my hollowed chest, trying to manipulate my fingers like weak little puppets, persuading them to send a text I will regret in the morning. My heart replays the words he spoke, the times he made me feel like I mattered, the way our bodies made art, how he understood me like no one else ever has. What if I made a mistake, my heart demands of me, a mistake in cutting him out, in choosing to ignore his texts, in attempting to move forward? What if no one else will ever open their ears to all of my secrets, their eyes to all of my skeletons, their hearts to all of my mistakes? What if I missed my chance for love? Remember, my heart whispers, how he stayed up all night unfolding himself and how you shared your poetry and how he sent you a text a day with a new matter to ponder and how he knew what you thought before you said a word and how he understood every face you made and what it meant and how the lyrics you heard always mattered to him and how he cared about what you were learning and how the minuscule moments of your life meant the world to him... or so he claimed. And then my brain swoops in to remind me how he was all words, no action. Days and weeks went by without a peep even though the week before he had insisted on showing up at your apartment five days in a row. All he cared to do with you, my brain recalls, is share a smoke on the roof and discuss life, but never did he once care to share in the outside world with someone who he so claimed to love. My brain reminds me of the secrets he kept, of the woman he lived with behind my back, of the gross refusal to make a commitment even when he claimed he would think of me in his last moments and that he had never felt for another like he did for me. My brain knows of his emptiness, of his excuse-making, of how he blamed everything on his pathetic circumstances when he really was just a selfish ******* who deserves not a moment more of my time, ever. When I get those texts that claim he's thinking of me after church or send me song lyrics in some pathetic attempt to reawaken our "connection," my brain reminds me to ignore, to remember that words are empty, to wait until he becomes man enough to give me what I deserve. My heart makes me weak. My brain keeps me strong. My heart wants you. My brain doesn't need you. And even though I want to listen to my heart, my brain knows better.
0
Feb 8, 2015
Feb 8, 2015 at 12:25 AM UTC
Head and Heart
I just wish I could get my head and my heart to play on the same team, but they are constantly at odds. My heart still yearns for a man that never loved me to begin with, convinces me that it's worth responding when he texts me some empty ******** that momentarily assuages his guilt for his selfishness. On a Saturday night when all my friends are off with someone who loves them, my heart pumps heavy against my hollowed chest, trying to manipulate my fingers like weak little puppets, persuading them to send a text I will regret in the morning. My heart replays the words he spoke, the times he made me feel like I mattered, the way our bodies made art, how he understood me like no one else ever has. What if I made a mistake, my heart demands of me, a mistake in cutting him out, in choosing to ignore his texts, in attempting to move forward? What if no one else will ever open their ears to all of my secrets, their eyes to all of my skeletons, their hearts to all of my mistakes? What if I missed my chance for love? Remember, my heart whispers, how he stayed up all night unfolding himself and how you shared your poetry and how he sent you a text a day with a new matter to ponder and how he knew what you thought before you said a word and how he understood every face you made and what it meant and how the lyrics you heard always mattered to him and how he cared about what you were learning and how the minuscule moments of your life meant the world to him... or so he claimed. And then my brain swoops in to remind me how he was all words, no action. Days and weeks went by without a peep even though the week before he had insisted on showing up at your apartment five days in a row. All he cared to do with you, my brain recalls, is share a smoke on the roof and discuss life, but never did he once care to share in the outside world with someone who he so claimed to love. My brain reminds me of the secrets he kept, of the woman he lived with behind my back, of the gross refusal to make a commitment even when he claimed he would think of me in his last moments and that he had never felt for another like he did for me. My brain knows of his emptiness, of his excuse-making, of how he blamed everything on his pathetic circumstances when he really was just a selfish ******* who deserves not a moment more of my time, ever. When I get those texts that claim he's thinking of me after church or send me song lyrics in some pathetic attempt to reawaken our "connection," my brain reminds me to ignore, to remember that words are empty, to wait until he becomes man enough to give me what I deserve. My heart makes me weak. My brain keeps me strong. My heart wants you. My brain doesn't need you. And even though I want to listen to my heart, my brain knows better.
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115
i feel so held in the cradle of the canyon the dips in the earth the way she swells and wants my eyes to know it the way she bathes my breath in tiny ice crystals as i stare frosty-eyed, at her dusted in snow it all is a caress - soft as sheets floating, fluttering, onto skin as lover makes the bed around you her voice softens to a whisper of pine needles in wind as cold dampens, assuages, sound every cell is called to calm drawn to a hush i think i can close my eyes and rest here i think i can open my ribcage to more breath sweet and crisp inspiration hushed sip i think i can soften into the blankets laid out for me under these trees a sensational winter picnic a cordial invitation from earth and saraswati
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Dec 8, 2023
Dec 8, 2023 at 10:53 PM UTC
the veil thin
awesome apothecary addressed as Agamemnon alleviates anxiety, and alimentary aggravation anodyne appeasement arrests ailment amphetamines acquaintanceship assuages agonizing aches also advocates amorousness assiduously activating admiration aggressive attacks assault air afoul affable affinity affects adumbration anatomical accidental addiction attested as academic, although afterward abnegation absolutely arduous, affianced attired apparently as an anomaly Ares and Abyssinian Astarte admixture acquiescence affliction affected adroitly, and abruptly abends accessible altruistic alms axed albeit admonishing, alluding, and attributing authored autonomous anonymous adroit arriviste agents accompanying as accomplished accomplices accredited ace advertisers applaud ascendent assaults amidst agonizing appeals acting all acrimoniously apropos avowedly ardently, and antagonistically, agitating appositely advocating ancillary assistance addict adrift afloat anchors away assails along, among, and an alias archenemy - adorned abominable assassin alters ambition adroitly, aggressively, absolutely addict announces asseveration against avid admonishment alarmingly annulling authentic affiliation anew anonymous ability acclaims alignment aegis actually adversarial abetting attrition appetite acceleration ascendent after aplenty anesthetization additionally activating arced analogous arrow advancing added abdominal and arterial agony abject ambivalence arrests accomplishments attainable any artistic avocation absconded asper auditorial approbation, animadversion artificial aggrandizement abrogates astuteness appropriate adjudication affronted alternative afforded amnesty about acing audioslave as aerosmith ambition assumes arriviste affectation already appalling alacrity awakens amendment although Awol administration adamant acrimonious affront agonizingly attributable announces another afterworld apparent ailing apparition ardent allegiance asking anyone appreciable affix apathy abounds attending apriorism allotment.
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Feb 25, 2018
Feb 25, 2018 at 6:46 PM UTC
addictive ampoules annihilate after alluring
awesome apothecary addressed as Agamemnon alleviates anxiety, and alimentary aggravation anodyne appeasement arrests ailment amphetamines acquaintanceship assuages agonizing aches also advocates amorousness assiduously activating admiration aggressive attacks assault air afoul affable affinity affects adumbration anatomical accidental addiction attested as academic, although afterward abnegation absolutely arduous, affianced attired apparently as an anomaly Ares and Abyssinian Astarte admixture acquiescence affliction affected adroitly, and abruptly abends accessible altruistic alms axed albeit admonishing, alluding, and attributing authored autonomous anonymous adroit arriviste agents accompanying as accomplished accomplices accredited ace advertisers applaud ascendent assaults amidst agonizing appeals acting all acrimoniously apropos avowedly ardently, and antagonistically, agitating appositely advocating ancillary assistance addict adrift afloat anchors away assails along, among, and an alias archenemy - adorned abominable assassin alters ambition adroitly, aggressively, absolutely addict announces asseveration against avid admonishment alarmingly annulling authentic affiliation anew anonymous ability acclaims alignment aegis actually adversarial abetting attrition appetite acceleration ascendent after aplenty anesthetization additionally activating arced analogous arrow advancing added abdominal and arterial agony abject ambivalence arrests accomplishments attainable any artistic avocation absconded asper auditorial approbation, animadversion artificial aggrandizement abrogates astuteness appropriate adjudication affronted alternative afforded amnesty about acing audioslave as aerosmith ambition assumes arriviste affectation already appalling alacrity awakens amendment although Awol administration adamant acrimonious affront agonizingly attributable announces another afterworld apparent ailing apparition ardent allegiance asking anyone appreciable affix apathy abounds attending apriorism allotment.
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50
She fears him, and will always ask    What fated her to choose him; She meets in his engaging mask                      All reasons to refuse him; But what she meets and what she fears Are less than are the downward years, Drawn slowly to the foamless weirs    Of age, were she to lose him. Between a blurred sagacity    That once had power to sound him, And Love, that will not let him be    The seeker that she found him, Her pride assuages her, almost, As if it were alone the cost. He sees that he will not be lost,    And waits, and looks around him. A sense of ocean and old trees    Envelops and allures him; Tradition, touching all he sees    Beguiles and reassures him; And all her doubts of what he says Are dimmed with what she knows of days, Till even prejudice delays,    And fades—and she secures him. The falling leaf inaugurates    The reign of her confusion; The pounding wave reverberates    The crash of her illusion; And home, where passion lived and died, Becomes a place where she can hide,— While all the town and harbor side    Vibrate with her seclusion. We tell you, tapping on our brows,    The story as it should be,— As if the story of a house    Were told, or ever could be; We’ll have no kindly veil between Her visions and those we have seen,— As if we guessed what hers have been    Or what they are, or would be. Meanwhile, we do no harm; for they    That with a god have striven, Not hearing much of what we say,    Take what the god has given; Though like waves breaking it may be, Or like a changed familiar tree, Or like a stairway to the sea,    Where down the blind are driven.
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Feb 28, 2014
Feb 28, 2014 at 9:17 AM UTC
"Eros Turannos" by Edwin Arlington Robinson
She fears him, and will always ask    What fated her to choose him; She meets in his engaging mask                      All reasons to refuse him; But what she meets and what she fears Are less than are the downward years, Drawn slowly to the foamless weirs    Of age, were she to lose him. Between a blurred sagacity    That once had power to sound him, And Love, that will not let him be    The seeker that she found him, Her pride assuages her, almost, As if it were alone the cost. He sees that he will not be lost,    And waits, and looks around him. A sense of ocean and old trees    Envelops and allures him; Tradition, touching all he sees    Beguiles and reassures him; And all her doubts of what he says Are dimmed with what she knows of days, Till even prejudice delays,    And fades—and she secures him. The falling leaf inaugurates    The reign of her confusion; The pounding wave reverberates    The crash of her illusion; And home, where passion lived and died, Becomes a place where she can hide,— While all the town and harbor side    Vibrate with her seclusion. We tell you, tapping on our brows,    The story as it should be,— As if the story of a house    Were told, or ever could be; We’ll have no kindly veil between Her visions and those we have seen,— As if we guessed what hers have been    Or what they are, or would be. Meanwhile, we do no harm; for they    That with a god have striven, Not hearing much of what we say,    Take what the god has given; Though like waves breaking it may be, Or like a changed familiar tree, Or like a stairway to the sea,    Where down the blind are driven.
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48
I sit around chewing bubble gum Its flavor dull, and flat. I spit it out into the greasy, stained waste bin. It stares back at me angrily, lying next to Some brown boxes, random yard waste, An oily blue rag, and a raging red Hunk of plastic, which once was a fire engine, My misery reflected in its misshapen contours. I’m trapped in my world Of fake “How-do-you-dos” And tepid conversation about the weather. Each day is an agony and every moment, surreal. I cry for a body that is not mine. My soul burns with each passing lie I tell someone When they ask who I am. I hate love songs, happy songs, and celebrations! They are never for me. They are the bubble gum I scrape off my shoe As I walk down the aisle to watch the latest horror movie. The violence on the screen, Only slightly assuages the rage… in my female soul, Bound for eternity in a hairy, meaty prison. I always feel like **** A female mind forever warped By this absurd male body. The lies I tell become my little deaths. Little deaths are pain and envy. Pain and envy are like bubble gum… Endlessly mashed together and sticky. A woman sashays past me, An unknowing feminine tyrant Enjoying my salvation with the Parting of her pretty red lips, The sway of her baby-making hips, And her graceful, yet sleek fingertips. She delicately sits, her soft pleasant voice Floats back up to me. Dysphoria level: CRITICAL! She dictates my days and nights... Inadvertently taunting me as she giggles with her friends. But my eye’s long drinks Of her crisp, cool water were never About my thirst. -MorganLA
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Sep 21, 2019
Sep 21, 2019 at 9:43 PM UTC
Rage & Bubble Gum
I sit around chewing bubble gum Its flavor dull, and flat. I spit it out into the greasy, stained waste bin. It stares back at me angrily, lying next to Some brown boxes, random yard waste, An oily blue rag, and a raging red Hunk of plastic, which once was a fire engine, My misery reflected in its misshapen contours. I’m trapped in my world Of fake “How-do-you-dos” And tepid conversation about the weather. Each day is an agony and every moment, surreal. I cry for a body that is not mine. My soul burns with each passing lie I tell someone When they ask who I am. I hate love songs, happy songs, and celebrations! They are never for me. They are the bubble gum I scrape off my shoe As I walk down the aisle to watch the latest horror movie. The violence on the screen, Only slightly assuages the rage… in my female soul, Bound for eternity in a hairy, meaty prison. I always feel like **** A female mind forever warped By this absurd male body. The lies I tell become my little deaths. Little deaths are pain and envy. Pain and envy are like bubble gum… Endlessly mashed together and sticky. A woman sashays past me, An unknowing feminine tyrant Enjoying my salvation with the Parting of her pretty red lips, The sway of her baby-making hips, And her graceful, yet sleek fingertips. She delicately sits, her soft pleasant voice Floats back up to me. Dysphoria level: CRITICAL! She dictates my days and nights... Inadvertently taunting me as she giggles with her friends. But my eye’s long drinks Of her crisp, cool water were never About my thirst. -MorganLA
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43
January Frozen Ground Amplifies sounds, found, Tucked underneath the worst of regrets Clutched between ****** knuckles In the bottom of my soul Dusty, yellowed pages of the hymn Words of Gold It reads like a holy book States melancholy, a definitive purpose Assuages hopelessness In a comfort that is warm and serene Surreal A sensation Almost hallucinatory Roaring through my body Soaring through my head Upwards, a crown Words of gold.
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Feb 22, 2015
Feb 22, 2015 at 6:28 PM UTC
January, Words of Gold
Grab hold of the night, Slip in through her curtains. Sink in your teeth & bite, nothing must feel uncertain. Holding my breath, I'm seeking passage out of here. Eyes & memories, body & soul, Boundless energy fills my lungs, & assuages me whole. Small kisses of love, are my only tokens. I shudder and think, of what's finally awoken. Hands are tied, future is set. I am a rider, observing a unruly death.
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Sep 21, 2017
Sep 21, 2017 at 10:02 PM UTC
Outlier
I made another stain On the missing pages Time to pull them again Away from the edges Invisible and vain Lost words to the ages Letters call for eyestrain Redaction assuages I leave empty spaces Tell another story I draw stolen faces And have them say "sorry" Tell them we'll go places But everything's blurry Nothing else than traces Left in purgatory I pull on a corner And make sentences split The journal gets thinner But words won't ever fit I'll make my world cleaner Since lines come out of wit Squeeze tight ***** of paper And trust the trash with it
0
Dec 24, 2022
Dec 24, 2022 at 10:01 PM UTC
Tears
I lie in the half light, shadow of dusk approaching. Beside me lie the empty boxes of every prescribed drug I could find. Confetti of blister packs surrounds me. Too late now.. It's done! The telephone lies within my drowsy reach. Three little numbers.... I picture them in my head... Those three 9's that could still change the outcome ..... My index finger twitches briefly.. I see it.. Then it returns to stillness. I feel a little sedated now....ever so slightly detached and I think to myself that's a good thing .. To drift away on a sea of peace and tranquillity, I hear the most haunting melody.. Real or imagined I can't tell......then I smile to myself. As if my exit from this world would be accompanied by beautiful music! Alas I shall slip from this world unnoticed.. Without so much as birdsong. I shall leave behind so little to aid remembrance ..: no real evidence that I was ever here , A tinge of sadness in my drug soaked mind.... Not completely anaesthetised yet..still pain there in my heart. I turn my head.. The telephone eyeballs me... My finger twitches a second time . I feel strange now.. Floaty and ethereal , The pain has nearly gone away. I roll clumsily towards the telephone, It seems to be moving away from me .. The bed is enormous, I know there's not much time ... I stare stupidly at the receiver. Three little numbers....then nothing. Nothing for quite a long while, Then the smell of hospitals assuages my nostrils, Wearing a crisp white sheet.. Not a shroud.. I muse if my failure to die was a weakness or a strength? To leave or face a nothingness world... Perhaps there is no glory in either choice, Each path as empty and desolate as the other....
0
Mar 10, 2018
Mar 10, 2018 at 6:09 AM UTC
The Edge.
I lie in the half light, shadow of dusk approaching. Beside me lie the empty boxes of every prescribed drug I could find. Confetti of blister packs surrounds me. Too late now.. It's done! The telephone lies within my drowsy reach. Three little numbers.... I picture them in my head... Those three 9's that could still change the outcome ..... My index finger twitches briefly.. I see it.. Then it returns to stillness. I feel a little sedated now....ever so slightly detached and I think to myself that's a good thing .. To drift away on a sea of peace and tranquillity, I hear the most haunting melody.. Real or imagined I can't tell......then I smile to myself. As if my exit from this world would be accompanied by beautiful music! Alas I shall slip from this world unnoticed.. Without so much as birdsong. I shall leave behind so little to aid remembrance ..: no real evidence that I was ever here , A tinge of sadness in my drug soaked mind.... Not completely anaesthetised yet..still pain there in my heart. I turn my head.. The telephone eyeballs me... My finger twitches a second time . I feel strange now.. Floaty and ethereal , The pain has nearly gone away. I roll clumsily towards the telephone, It seems to be moving away from me .. The bed is enormous, I know there's not much time ... I stare stupidly at the receiver. Three little numbers....then nothing. Nothing for quite a long while, Then the smell of hospitals assuages my nostrils, Wearing a crisp white sheet.. Not a shroud.. I muse if my failure to die was a weakness or a strength? To leave or face a nothingness world... Perhaps there is no glory in either choice, Each path as empty and desolate as the other....
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31