Breathe

Just breathe.
Wait.
Don't act or react or double back.
Just breathe.

Living in this world of the fast and furious,
To wait seems to be too late
Because you're already behind 
Wait.

It's counter-culture
It's not the fight or flight.
It's so simple, it's powerful. 
It's so small, yet so big.

With messages like 'Just Do It',
The world just runs faster 
Because we fear missing out
But in the end, we still lose, ourselves

To what others want,
To what others need.
So we fit in,
So we just, please.

Rather than stop
And risk, for life.
And wait and be
At our Lord's mercy.

Just breathe,
Wait.
His timing is perfect,
Just breathe.

Amen

Known

Slow down, everything’s moving too fast:
On a beat that’s pushing forward, releasing the past.
But here is where I am;
The cool morning air gently caresses my skin; sirens sound far off: an emergency of sorts, lives in danger, rescued: comforting.
Yes, there are lists, present problems praying to solve,
But this is a 'lent' moment, and I won’t let that get old. I smile; these are the ones foretold.

Little Drummer Boy

The drummer
We see today,
Is still the 'Little Drummer Boy'
From yesterday.
His dreams
You gave,
Still, bounce along 
The beats to the eternal song,
Breathe new life 
In the air today,
So he may fulfil 
His destiny.

Resurgam

Prophecy spoke full healing,
I believed it to be in this world;
But alas, I conclude now, with deeper understanding,
It shouldn't be so, but done in the new world
What lies within, surpassing time: everlasting.

Change me like a Rubik’s Cube

Can we taste glory, not shame?

Faith is a full-sensory experience;
Enliven our senses today that we may claim Your glory.

We often live deep in our thoughts,
Surrounded by the shame
Of this world.
Tasting the fruit of evil,
But You are calling me to life.

Love me; shower me with Your sunshine,
Change me like a Rubik’s Cube,
And free me
From the entanglements
Of my shame.

May I never be the same!

Betrayal with empty words and no action, except to line their pockets with the fat from profits.
Profits from products that have served to distract us from what’s important:
Relationships. Relationships with our land, relationships with others and relationships with ourselves.
Meaningful action is what we need. It’s our only hope.
Action stems from hearts connected to the one that gives life.
Change is constant. Climate change is chaotic and killing us slowly,
But part of our cosmic life.
We need to change within and live change out.
No more empty words, empty thoughts, empty hearts!
Just act now in meaningful ways that bring life!
Just start small, but with love.
Just don’t continue to sit on hands that are meant to serve, with love.
Just start; it will suffice.

Comforting presence, has been claimed of me,
Heaven’s dew: this gift of affirmation, unsolicited, freely given: gratefully received
Still much to grow, still hopes to claim, truths accepted more deeply,
But in each moment, there is growth! More room to love the skin I liveth in.

Deep breaths come easier,
Still anxiety trembles, but
There is much more room; thus I am freer.
Stopping and claiming this moment, I must.

Waiting in transition, never fully arrived,
But always changing.
Noticing has become my favourite pastime derived,
Out of angst, comes more space for new arranging.

Before I was born

What was I thinking?
No, stop! What-was-I-really-thinking?
Perfection? There is no such thing here, this side of heaven,
Yet, I’ve spent my entire life trying to be,
More, hating who I was,
Striving to be more?
Was it from the trauma of my first surgery
To my brain at 11 months young, that then suffered, again and again, three times more?
Was it the generational trauma carried in my DNA? Unseen, unheard but screaming: you’re not enough!
Stop trying, give up!
Was it others taunting and teasing, yet in reality testing,
Testing what I would do with their jealous tirade?
What a waste.
That’s not how I want to live anymore.
I want to rethink, no, re-imagine a new reality, and step right into my innate creativity.
Breathed within me before I was born.
By YOU...

Mustard Seed

Mud cakes, sand castles, dress ups and... Make-believe;
Child-like curiosity, awe, wonder and...
Other-world conceive.
Silence, in a busy grownup world, gives opportunity for playfulness you can retrieve,
Embrace these moments, seek them out, faith like a mustard seed, oak trees sprout.

Broken dreams

I tried to be clever,
Carrying too much in my hands.
Inevitably, the glass did sever,
Shattering on the floor, lands.

Can I draw parallels,
With my broken dreams?
God’s too, when He breathed life into dust particles
But we, His people, became broken vessels
Living off dry, earthly streams.

In this season, God’s promises
Seem improbable.
Broken vessels are the masses,
Spirit-God, do the impossible…

Mend my distorted dreams today;
Bringing peace where there seems no stay.

Cold isolation,
Hibernation, and intense fascination,
With self. I needed to do this to reclaim the lost, broken-hearted, and wounded parts of me,
Lonely seasons bring out despair: depression, desperation.

But then things crack and light streams in,
Warmth and life overpowers darkness, enveloping,
With love, grace, a heavenly face that wipes away every tear and love wounds that trace
The maker of our seasons, the one who writes new story endings.

Liberation is a fire that burns deep within, new rumblings, in the heat of new adventures,
New maturity emerges, new insights replace old that are purged,
There is freedom here, new dreams spark, courage is abounding in my inner nature,
New possibilities are seen, tasted, and felt,
Small steps evolve into giant leaps into the future.

To stabilise all this growth, you have to take stock,
Step out of the spotlight, and tend to the flock.
It’s time to reflect, marvel, and enjoy, all the moments in life: good and bad,
And embrace the confidence of standing on firm rock.

From this place, I step into my reward,
Rejoicing that all things are made new, on his accord,
New wisdom is found: pockets with pearls, lavish plunder, so different from the darkness that once hung,
But now I fight my battles with a double-edged sword.

Time tells tales: of where we find our fortune,
Seven years of recovering, seven years of dependence, seven years of healing, seven years of growing freedom.
After seven times seven minus seven days on life support,
lying in a coma, wondering when I would wake up, if ever.
These years were spent learning: from unknowing, awkward, and uncertain to knowing, revelation, and authenticity.
I saw my underbelly, I wrestled with my inner foes,
I reconciled with my complexity,
And was held by the One who truly knows,
The future, the road that’s still ahead, and
The enlargement, the promises fulfilled.
The love and acceptance, the rejoicing.
I step out into the unknown more bolder now,
Holding the hand of the One who is more known.
Time is ahead of me, I don’t need to speed it up, but rather I desperately want to slow it down: and
Savour the moments, minutes, and the memories,
Of life here: now that’s a fortunate tale!

Free your dove

I live in the brokenness,
I live in the mystery.
I live in imperfection,
I am human: that’s me.

So, why did I continue to wear
The yoke of slavery?
Continue again and again to tear,
Myself down when You tried to love me?

Only with humility,
Can I accept Your love,
Only with Your sovereignty,
Can grace be birthed; free your dove!

...

It is soundless.
Is this how it was
Before You spoke?

Mystery

Observation is key,
To unlock the mystery.

Exquisite Love

Beloved...

Here I am...
... I am listening.

See me...
Oh free me from my earthly tethers.

Trust me...
Lift me  to ride the clouds with You,
Above the storms.

Wild Animal Within

I want to befriend
The wild animal within
To sit with and know,
To encourage and mend.

To tame its twitches,
To friend its foes.
To flame its courage
And pull up its britches.

To walk the way
Of the narrow path,
To head North even with Rath
And help it trust You and all You say.

Hooray

I'll meet You here today
so that our hearts will get to play.
and our smiles will go back from yesterday,
Oh, yesterday.
Our souls will stretch out far and lay
peacefully quiet in Your welcoming hay.
I'll stay forever, and I'll pray
for others to join us every day.
It'll be my pleasure, I'll say; hooray!

True Life

I was dead, even when alive.
I lived, but lived for others,
Surrendering my soul,
I must have existed, but did I truly survive?

Denial? Busyness? Constant comparisons?
Are all good contenders,
(Do-goodness and perfection add)
In the throes of destruction.
But now I heal, trusting in God there are no human barriers.

However, this truth, 
The hustle continues,
Life should be sweet?!
But instead, we struggle by struth!

Mindfulness may be the key,
Cocktails of alcohol and drugs?
Or constant distractions and selfies?
But Jesus trumps all, seek him, you'll see!

He is the life and resurrection,
He is our true peace,
Our hope and life,
And should always be our concentration.

Thank YOU, that I am not perfect!

I take off this heavy yoke,
This burden that cripples my spirit and robs my joy.
What is it like to live a different life?
To believe something different from what I've spoke. 

To try new things and become more of YOUR joy.
Thank YOU that I'm not perfect!

Thank YOU that I can make mistakes,
And can try again.
There are many possibilities ahead!
I can zoom ahead and I can apply the breaks,
I can stumble and re-wire my brain.

Thank YOU that I'm not perfect! 
So here's to another attempt,
So here's to continuing on the journey...
No matter what…willingly and NOT circumspect!

Weary but not wasted

Drawing on power from He who rides upon the clouds,
To face the battles this day that mount. 
Reignite in me an unquenchable fire. 
That stirs my spirit from the one that inspires.

Ablaze

Burn all my impurities;
May they sing:
“This girl is on fire!”

Return to connection

Turn again to your mother’s *****
And risk vulnerability;
Courageous kindness in a world of disconnection.

Wild & Desperate

Most of life is spent curled;
Caught in the wild and desperate places,
Straddling between two worlds;
Satisfied and striving, for more space,
The here-and-now and the not-yet-inspired.
Being enough and constantly unlaced.

I pick up
My tambourine again
Drumming, I usurp
The inky black depression while reminiscing.
Let praise erupt and interrupt
The drone of zombie life.

Can I go one day without doubting?!
One day without posting?
One day without coffee?
One day...
BUT
I will not go one day without seeking,
One day without praising,
One day without
YOU

Restraining

There's something
paradoxical
about restraining,
saying no,
when everything in you
wants to say yes,
everything in you wants
to go get,
everything in you wants
to consume
And then you pause and
wait
And it passes.
Is that the power of restraint?

Power of Remembering

A brisk pace

Walking to work,
I was struck, with the memory:
the time when I could not walk...
After a stroke, during brain surgery, and a 40-day coma…
My step indeed picked up to a brisk pace,
and a smile came upon my face.


Thankful.

Loved

I am…..




                                                     …LOVED.

He hears

Whenever I am lonely,
I cry out to  you.

Feast of praise

Hunt me, keep me!
Fleece my nervousness.
Cease my incessant adversaries,
That I might feast on the praise for
YOU.

A coming storm

We sense it first in unspoken
atmosphere; the insects hear it's
silent roar.
Then it breaks; the lightning
Followed by gusty wind, dust soars.
Hell loosened by our desires woken?
Or God just reminding us of who's in control?

Sabbath Rest

An oasis in the wilderness.

Wilderness seasons

There was a time,
Not too long ago,
When I was lost;
No roots, no fruit,
Wandering and shallow.
Further along, I acknowledge,
The riches taught
During that wilderness season:
Plant myself wisely,
And let true wisdom mellow.

Rejection

God of all motion
Show me how you're transforming anger
And let me take control

Sacrifice with shouts of joy

There's not
Really
much
that I need.
Sure,
There's
PLENTY
I want
BUT
Need…
I need love.
.
.
.
I want love.
But isn't love
The very act of sacrifice?

Welcoming Mourning

It is quiet because it is morn.
I don't like to look in the mirror
Because of what I see:
I look into death’s eyes
And see my reflection
I see the death of hopes and dreams
And loved ones I mourn,
Constantly.

Token:
“Love your enemies!”
Until the Spirit has awoken,
Life without the invisible strings, keeping us latched to disasters
But peace is spoken.

From nowhere...
I started singing:
"calling you forever..."
and in my spirit, I heard the reply...
"I've been calling you forever!"

God is love. 
God created man and woman to love one another, 
You and I have a choice,
But we live in a fallen world, where your choice might not align with God's will, but He still loves us.
God calls us to love one another as He has loved us
We are to unite, not divide. 
To love, not to hate. 
To encourage, not discourage. 
To help those less fortunate than oneself. 
To give hope to those who need it
To pray at all times. 
God is sovereign, but he uses us to be His hands and feet...
I am not the healer, God is, but I can be a vessel for His healing love here on earth through relationships
...
And through poetry?!

I am waiting for slumber to keep
and surrender to the deep,
but only aches do conquer,
claiming victory over my saunter.

I love Sunday for its quietness,
I love Sundays, for there is no rush.
I love Sundays for writing poetry.
I love Sundays for the hush.
I love Sundays for the calm before the storm.
I love Sundays because my mind reboots to the norm.
I love Sundays because I can take my soul for a walk,
And let it roam across heavenly realms.
I love Sundays to be without an agenda that I have to chalk.
I love Sundays, to remember.
I love Sundays, and that's where I will be,
Loving You more without animosity.

No more doubt.
No more unhealthy fear.
Shrink back shadows,
You are not welcome in my life.

No more shame.
No more people pleasing.
I shine a light on the truth,
That my future is bright.

No more playing small.
No more self-sabotage.
I stand again,
I will enlarge.

I will seek you for truth.
I will quieten the taunts.
I will stop the tremmers,
And breathe again.

I will receive my fortunes.
I will rejoice in my success.
I will reclaim lost ground,
I will rest.

Denial will not bring freedom,
Acceptance will.
Not for anyone else,
But You.
Walking in the light,
Will bring freedom!

How do we miss our call?
What's distracting us today from hearing and trusting that call?

To silence the chatter in one's head, one needs to watch it, listen to it, discern it, and master the response.

We all want to be seen and heard, but too many of us don't. As we chase that desire for attention, we forget and miss the need to see someone else.

Busyness has become the currency of this day. "Are you as busy as I?', screams our social media posts. We yearn to be valued and significant to someone else. So much so that we will devalue ourselves and gain our desired attention.

Does that sound familiar?

Of course, others don't have that same craving. But they have other cravings. I think it was St Augustine who said we have a heart-shaped hole/wound within; aching to be filled. And in our haste and uncomfortableness to sit with that ache, we stuff it, numb it, ignore it with stuff that distracts the call to seek our maker. 

But what we need is to accept God's love. Not the duties. Not the need to 'be good' but the call to be loved.

I hesitated,
That's my sin.
I should have gone forward
Not back to where we begin.

I hesitated, 
And that's annoying.
As I could be bombastic
Yeah, that'd be more gratifying.

We become blind when we cease
To see, the extraordinary within you and me.

We blame and name and attempt to tame
Others to be the same, for peace?

Open your eyes anew, please!
And open your hands trustingly.

How quickly we’ve been brought down,
On bended knees, crying please,
Stop the disease, we’ll take off the crown,
To our lives; listening to lies, mantras of self-help tease,
Hope beyond now. Clear the mental fog and refocus.

It was pitch black
as I walked this morning.
The earth is turning.
All anxieties that flee
In the light,
That couldn't be cracked
In the black loom large.
Until almost home.