My mind is running blank
As if quicksand absorbs all my thoughts and sank
Wonder if that's what life feels like
When things are falling apart

What if I told you
that the truest form of love
doesn't come from anything
or anyone, even your special someone

What if I told you
that the truest love
is loving yourself
without wanting to change a thing
and to just accept who you are

What if I told you
that once you accept yourself
then you can truly love others
and those dearest you

The phone rings
With great sorrow in their voice
heart slows
mind racing
"How could this be?"
the phone
slipping from my grip
Body getting weak
eyes ready to burst
like fireworks on the fourth of July
collecting oneself
to pick up the phone
and finish the conversation
I let the waterfall continue
till sleep overcame
preparing for the day to say
Goodbye

Now I have thought about this for a long time but recently
I asked and figured it out because I was confused on how it worked
You see in the end of Romans eight it tells us
That nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus
But in Galatians five in the end of verse 21
It says after listing the works of the flesh and that if do such things
We will not inherit the kingdom of God
I wondered how that could be because it just said in Romans
Nothing will or can separate us from the love of God
And Galatians that doing the works of the flesh even though we are saved
Cannot inherit the kingdom of God
But let us go back to Romans but back a chapter to seven
It says
“For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin who dwells within me… Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.”
So it’s not us?
Yes but no because it’s our flesh
But if we commit sin and know we are committing it then it sin
Because we know the right thing to do but fail to do it
But going back to my main thought
We can go to first John and it tells us that
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness”
We are confessing our sins to God
We are admitting that what we did was wrong
We are asking for forgiveness
We ask for forgiveness and can still inherit the kingdom of God
Why?
Because we are his and he calls us each by name in Isaiah
It says
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.”
We are His
We are no longer conforming
Or we shouldn’t be conforming any longer to this world
We became aliens once we let Jesus in
He is alive
In us
We are a new creation the old has gone the new has come
So what are you waiting for?
Get out there and be different
Don’t just say you’re a Christian or a Christ follower
Live it out
You are a child of God
So nothing in all of creation can ****** you away from the hand of God.

The lead of the pencil hits the paper
as white as snow
the mind full of wonders
being splashed like paint on a canvas
with details slowly filling in the picture
like a puzzle with movie scenes on each piece
to escape, this is my place of freedom
stuck inside a spiral bound notebook
to be opened by many
page after page
idea after another
this is my love
my passion
poetry
my emotions and thoughts
flowing effortlessly on these pages
from cover to cover
book to book

Every morning we wake up
get out of bed
Get dressed
Eat some breakfast
But I want to ask you this
What kind of breakfast do you have?
Do you have a bagel with some cream cheese?
Or a bowl of frosted flakes
Yea it may be the important meal of the day
For your physical health
That is
But what about your spiritual health?
Does your soul thirst for God’s loving words?
Do you long to take ten or twenty minutes out of your day
To read His words that he gave to us
And to spend time with him
Or do you forget about it and say
“I’ll read tomorrow I know will”
And the next day passes and you say the exact same thing
And it continues as each day passes by and by
You start to lose your taste for the truth we all need to hear
For the love we want to hear and feel from our heavenly father
We should be dead because of how much we don’t read His word
How much we don’t talk to him
How much we push him to the sidelines
When He longs for us to spend hours telling Him everything
Whether good or bad
He wants to hear our voices praising Him
Uplifting others around us everyday
We are alive when
We know Him and continue to know more and more
Until we fall over from being stuffed of food
That we can’t get up but think and ponder until we fall fast asleep
And dreaming about what we just learned
And what we chatted about
That’s what I want to dream of
I want to wake up and the first thing I think of is
God
And say
I am coming to my secret place to meet with you
To feast on your word
To memorize
To dig deeper than I have ever dug before
To just spend a whole day with you
Others will ask me where I have been
I’ve been trying to get a hold of you
I will be oh yea
Well I have been busy getting to know my Father
And drawing closer to him
I can just hear His voice when He is speaking to me
I spend so much time I don’t care for all this worldly stuff
In the world because it will all just disappear
But I will go out one day and tell everyone what I have learned
I want others to know who God is
What he can do
Because there is no one else like God
Who is and was able to send His only son
As the payment for our sins
So one day we are able to come home
Hear
“Well done my good and faithful servant”
That is what I want to hear
I want to wake up and thirst for my Father’s words to me
I want to hear everything he has to tell me
I don’t want to miss one word
But to take it all in and tell everyone I see
I want us to wake up starving for spiritual food
That’s what I want
I don’t want to hear
But what do you want?
I’ll be praying for you all, to long for what I long for
And to wake up thirsty and hungry for the truth
And
To have the chance to make someone’s day better
To start the day of with a positive attitude
And Joy
With a beautiful smile for all to see
And the others to see the light in you because
There is just something different about you
Be different with the light in you everyday

These things I like to call
A disease
Everyone has them
In their hands
Pockets
Backpacks
In front of your face
All the time
Never
Left at home
Turned off

You stole
My friends
My time
My joy
Fresh air
Family time
Face to face conversations
And you keep me on the couch

You use me for everything
Alarm clocks
Notes
Photos
Videos
Movies
And even as a computer

You started off the size of a brick
And as time passed
You got smaller
Then bigger
And flatter
Like a pocket sized tv

You have become such a disease
That not many of us
Can live without you
But you have become a sad necessity
That should never have been
You are a want not a need
So stop and let me have
My life back
The creativity your blocking
The great times of playing games together
Board or card or games outdoors
But not on you

You
You dull our brains
You mess with our memories
Because all the numbers you keep
You mess with our sleep patterns
You cause us depression
And anxiety
Because we apparently need you in our lives
When in the past you were not here
And we can do it again
Even with you here

My Brokenness
Pieces of Me
being put back together
By you, God
you are taking my Brokenness
putting my pieces back together
showing me the way of where to go
my pieces
The map
I cannot see it
I rely on you to show me the way
once I find my way
with your help
my pieces are slowly getting glued
back together
once I hit the end of my adventure
my pieces are glued forever
as if I was never broken
for in you I am found perfect
with you I am found perfect
because that is how you see me
Perfect and unbroken

My mind is running blank
As if quicksand absorbs all my thoughts and sank
and my voice, my speech
slipping through the cracks like sand on the beach
I cannot write for my ink is out in my pen
and my thoughts are stuck in my den
I feel like I have lost my voice
but I still have a choice
I need to continue walking the path
but of course I don't need any math
because that would be absurd
Or am I insane that I just want to be heard

A promise
Thought would be kept
Three days later
Made empty
Left a broken heart
Sitting on the couch

Two friends
Since they could remember
Anything went wrong
Who
What
Where
When and
Why
Would always be the words to say when
Upset
Angered
Depressed
Beyond excited and
Whenever they just wanted to talk
As time flew
His love grew for her
Never told her
But did things for her
She never forgot all he did
Graduation came
Summer flying by
College nearing
He went west
She chose South
She grew sick second semester
Sicker and sicker
Went home
To the doctor
The news hit harder than a first break up
She called him
He dropped out
Went to her aid
He asked her
Who
What
Where
When
Why
She told him
Who would be cancer
What is exactly what I said
Where my lung
When I called you was when I found out
Why is what I am still asking
He let out thousands of raindrops
She couldn’t say anything
But join him
Months flew and
Wasn’t getting better
He asked her
“Is there anything you want to do before?”
She stopped him right there
“Don’t say it”
“I want to marry and have a family
Kids
And grow old”
He never told her that he had a ring
He got down right there
She choked
But got out yes
Months went by
Her disease was a rollercoaster
But years went by
And one day
A chance to say goodbye
Was a one way
Not realizing months Later cleaning up
He found her letter
Broke down one last time
For her
His love never grew old

Hiding my pain behind a smile
Everyday convincing myself that
Life will get better, this is just a
Phase. Soon I can be real
Masks aside
Eventually

How do you say you're sorry
to someone you love
right after you just stabbed them in the heart
With so sharp of words that it dug deep
You want able to be able to take it right away
But the knife sticks
And you dont fully catch what you said till minutes pass
Feeling so guilty
Stomach is churning
You just feel sick
How do you say your sorry
When it may be to late
Is forgiveness even an option
Wont know till you ask
Just hope for the best I guess

Let me just say two word
Many times to get it off my chest
Shut up
Shut up
SHUT UP!
You tell me I won't make it in life
You tell me I can't do this
Or I can't do that
You say I can't do it because it's difficult
Or it will take to long
You say I will give up once it gets hard
You never believed in me
Unless it was things
That were easy and in my comfort zone
So just shut up!
I don't need your negativity
Or your two cents
I don't need you to cheer me on
Because as long as I believe in me
And know that I can do it
And tell myself that I can do it
I will do it
I will prove you wrong
I will surpass all that you thought
That I couldn't do
I will go outside my comfort zone
To grow
Because I am strong
And if I want to do it
I will do it and even better
I will make it look easy
So when you attempt to do
What I am doing
You are going to struggle or fail
Unless it's something you already know
But then I'll make it look
Flawless and effortless
But don't you dare then
Act like you always believed in me
Or supported me
In any way shape or form
But you will wonder
How I did it
And I'll tell you
That you not believing in me
Started a flame
That only grew in me to want to do it
So tell me that
I can't do this
Or I can't do that
Because it will only grow that flame in me
To prove you wrong
So maybe don't Shut up
Because I want that flame
To be as big as possible
So I myself
Will Shut up
And smile
And just get to work
Proving you all wrong
Again and again
Then maybe you will support me
Because you will know
What I am capable of
Or you won't and that's okay

We are told them everyday and
Believe them more than anything
Even when thought of protecting

Feeling kind of ******
Asking for help
On things I should know
But was never taught
Feeling only like
A pretty face with a good heart

My question for you all is this
why do so many people get married
and then so many years later
Divorce?
why do so many people take the easy way out
instead of trying to pick up the pieces
to put them back together again?
why do we make these vows
to be kept till the parting ways of death
to throw them on the ground,
make vows again
and hopefully
just maybe, keep them
For marriage is to last till the end of the age
For marriage does end in age
Right?
See, I can understand
your boyfriend or girlfriend
ending in some months or years
because they both end in end.
Some to most are lucky
to have their dating stage
end but to begin again in marriage
Now that relationships surviving till death
is an end of the age relationship

Now for those who think marriage is going to be
a piece of cake
well think again
your married now
you have promises to uphold
fights to mend
pieces to pick up
so try and start seeing things from
their perspective and things might go better than expected
some advice for you to
take or let it run through both ears
that is up to you
so when you think
about making vows to someone
make sure you are willing to fight
and do anything
to make it last till death do you part

Close your eyes and Imagine this
Morning comes and ready to wake
Darkness
It’s all you see
You say you’re dreaming
You’re not
somehow your colorful world
turned black
you call for anyone
no one responds
remembering all are at work
you try and remember
your room
your reflection
everything

Your heart pounding
your mind and body in panic mode
you struggle trying to find your phone
to call for help
takes minutes on minutes
everyone thinks it’s a joke
for it is April 1st
to stumble from one room to another
slowly remembering where
what everything looks like
breaking down to cry
for it is all you can do

Making your way to the kitchen for some food
The easiest is cereal
For fewest things are required
The day passes and
All you can do is sit and think
On anything and everything

It’s close to bedtime
For your eyes are getting heavy
You close your eyes
When the whole day it already felt
As if you never opened them

Morning comes but afraid to open
You do so admitting you’re now blind
And will begin to adjust
You open
Color?
The room?
Your reflection?

What if for one day you were blind?

In this life
We have one shot
One chance
To make the best of it

In this life we all have a choice
To follow God
Or turn the other cheek ( or way)
And do what we want
With no help
Except for some who or close to us
Family and a few friends

In this life
We can choose to be spoon fed everything
Like a mother bird feeding her young ones
And stay a baby
Or we can learn from others
Like Timothy learns from Paul
And later be a Paul who teaches Timothy

In this life
We can choose to do right
By not just yourself
But by others
So that when we pass
Good word will be passed down to others about us

In this life
We can choose to make a difference
Good
Like Jesus did who led by good example
Or bad
Like Lucifer when he thought his way was best and led to destruction and lies instead

In this life
Are many choices
Good or bad
Right and wrong
Like the act or s a t test
We all take in school

In this life
We can be alone or
Find friends to take this journey on with
Like those guys who have played tag
Ever since they have been in school
And Still play today

In this life
We have one chance
One shot
To make the most out of our life
So choose your choices wisely
For we cannot all go back and change our answer.

To my kid or kids I hope I have one day
I hope that I can be the best mother that I can be
Times change and are always changing and I may not always understand what you are going through
But talk to me like you would your best friend and I will always listen
I was your age once
I most likely been through what you are now just going through
My child
You are one I can call my own
You are precious
I will always love you
I know you may act out
But if I have to punish you
Learn from it and grow wiser
I discipline because I love you
There may be times you love me than hate me
Need me and then want nothing to do with me

I believe we all can’t be told something and expect to learn from it
Some things need to be learned at first hand
So you will truly know that when told something
your curiosity won’t get the best of you
Because some things are better left unlearned from
and left in a deep pit

To my child or children
I hope to have one day
When you are first conceived
I want to be praying for you
To grow up and know which path to take
When you don’t know yourself
Which road to take
For one day you might say
Shel Silverstein warned me of this

We all take paths we may never have wanted to take
Don’t regret those choices
For they will be lessons in your future and maybe others
Who choose that path and need some help
We can’t always choose the right path
For no lesson would be learned

Some paths may bring you
Hurt that started out as loving
Your heart I know may get broken or shattered at least once
Trust me when that happens they lost someone too precious
They will not know until its too late

My child or children I hope to have one day
This world is so big and full of beautiful wonders
Full of culture and things you never may have known of
Go and explore it with your family or friends
Just don’t sit everyday in front of those mindless screens
But take and I beg you
Don’t lose your common sense
Because it seems more like a rare gem these days

My child or children I hope to have one day
I hope and want you to live long enough to see you get
Married and have kids of your own one day
To see my grandkids and how much they resemble you and look much like you
One for you to call your own or many to call your own
One who will make you laugh and cry
Push your buttons
Or even upset you at times
But that is what happens
It’s a cycle we all go through at some point

My child or children
I will always
Love
Support
Care for
Be there for
Listen to
Talk to
You

I want you to have fun in life
But also be safe and responsible
Smile always
Be active and do not be lazy
For that is never fun except for when all you have been doing is running and need one of those days
Treat others like you would be treated
Even if they may not treat you right
Fire and fire only makes a bigger fire and does no good
Or shows them love and off balance
And show love to all always

My child or children
Friends are good in life to have
Choose your friends wisely
Because who your friends are could be your future
Some people may be fun
Some may not be so fun but more there for you when you need them
What do their futures look like?
I have no idea for my future and others we do not know until that time comes
Sometimes the fewer the friends the better
You may not understand now why that may be
But you will
For fewer close is better than many unreliable or untrustworthy  
I could be wrong though
Some have many friends who are all there for you but will all stay is the next question.

An astounding soul
So unique
Holding every precious moment close

I always mean it when I say I
Got you, Because I do
Otherwise who would I be
To lie to you. I wish not to
You make me smile without trying
Oh, doing things for you
Undoubtedly comes easy