Sometimes you have that moment
that one moment
when you walk to your boring job
or to the school that stresses you out
or to the boyfriend that treats you
like you are not that beautiful as that wonderful flower
you see on the ground.
it's the first one this year,
isn't it?
Maybe the flowers started blooming a while ago
but you did not pay enough attention
to actually notice
And in that one, special, hideous moment
you realize that everything in your environment is changing
For a second, just a small, tiny, short baby second
it feels like a new beginning
but then you keep moving, keep walking
to your job, school or boyfriend
and everything stays the same
tragic, isn't it?

Feeling empty
and worthless
and meaningless
and alone
how can I make it stop
I need to make it stop
it hurts
I feel like
i am burning
will it ever stop
please tell me
that someday it will stop
because if not
I need to make it stop

Every sip I take
Every bad choice I make
Nothing makes me forget
That every single time
..
I break

Sometimes when I look in the mirror
I see nothing but a shattered soul
pieces are missing
and I am searching
and searching
and searching
but I can't find them
What if I am never going to find them?
What if I am never going to be complete?

Every single time
that you look in my eyes
I turn away,
look to the ground
or to the infinite sky
because I am afraid,
so afraid,
that my eyes will reveal
the way I truly feel about you

I am not a bad girl
I will not hurt you on purpose
or play hard to get
I will smile when you smile
and cry when you cry
Maybe I am not as fun as she is
But I love you
I truly love you
And i hope this is enough

We drink alcohol
and smoke cigarettes
and kiss stupid boys
that don't care about us
Just to forget about
life
We want to feel the rush
the adrenalin
because in reality
we have that boring job
and that one stupid boy
that doesn't text back.
reality hurts
and we don't want to feel pain