I did not want this
I did not want to catch feelings
for you
or smile every time you text
or wait for a message instead of sleep
or smile at you when you're not lookin'
or laugh about your stupid jokes
or look in your **** ordinary eyes
and feel like they're not ordinary at all.

I always thought
love was easy
until I met you.
I mean I liked you
And you liked me
All those kisses and smiles,
I knew they couldn't be fake
But when I told you
that I love you
You just stopped kissing me
You did not smile anymore
You said you were broken
and that I should not love you.
I knew you were wrong
because a broken person
could not make me feel
so **** complete
And I wanted to make you
feel complete too
But you did not let me
You did not let me love you

Every single time
I Look in your eyes
I See everything I can‘t have
And it makes me sick.
I want to Tell you
That I love you
And every single scar you have.
But I don‘t say it
I just keep thinking it
Every single time
I look in your eyes

I remember that night
he was drunk
and couldn't even think straight
He said he loved life
and everything about it
I wanted him to say
that he loved me
But he didn't
Instead I told him
that I loved him
because I knew
He wouldn't remember my words
And I was right
"What A Night!", he told me the next day
Smiling because he couldn't remember
He couldn't remember
that he breaks my heart everyday

When I was little
I dreamed of the day
I would turn 16
I expected butterflies,
A lot laughter with friends,
A cute guy that would make me feel
Something I have Never felt before
I expected adventures, love and that It would be
The best year of my life
Well, I was wrong
I cried myself to sleep
Because School was hard
And my friends would not
Unterstand me
I was lonely and really bad sometimes
I got drunk for the first time
I skipped school and Even started liking a boy
Still I had this horrrible feeling
That hole in my heart
And sadly
It would not go away

Every time I look in the mirror
I see this girl with the brown eyes
And the dark brown hair
But the eyes are not like they used to be
When I was Little I laughed a lot
My eyes sparkled
They were full of joy
And happiness
Now I see loneliness
And all the fears I have
My eyes are not sparkling anymore
And I am afraid, so afraid
That they Will Never sparkle again

My parents always told me
That I needed to be a good girl
To have a good life
My teachers told me
That I needed to study more
So I could be successful
My friends told me
That I needed to get a boyfriend
Just like them
So I would not be lonely anymore
When I turned seventeen
I got sick of the things I needed to do
I cried myself to sleep
And suddenly I realized
Everything I have done
I did not do It for me
I did It for them