Life is weird.
And I am numb
Our days are numbered
but it's for sure
Not a number anyone
would care to know about.

Life is a mess
And I need to clean up.
If not me,
Who else?

I'll make my efforts to
today
And hope
At some point we're
Square.
Then we can both
walk the lines,
narrowly.

It'll all be
Even Stevens.
Hopefully another character
comes in with a
better story arc.

The postponed appointment
Impending


blackest days will always be
that.
Your demons and shadows will only be
Demons and shadows
You are brave

Know that I am in the wind
and you are in the world

Like the stocks I wasnt invested but still I went bankrupt

My debt now consolidated.


I will creep back into the waters
of creation. Body and mind at rest
Forever

I put you in my mouth
Took a bite

I was burned

My mind my tongue
My chemistry

My lungs

You satisfied me like no other,
now I'm anxious

Touching myself, I was *****
I was burned

My **** my eyes

****

How can sugar be sweet
when you haven't had
a taste

the Desire was there
but is it
still?

salt is salty
but aren't my tears
the same.

Why don't you desire
my vulnerability. Like you
Do with your
sweet confections.

All that's bitter can
be balanced
I swear.

Everything's the same
but I don't think you
can hear

My subtleties are in vain

Must I grab a megaphone

Like the newest grunge
indie girl
screaming to make
everything clear

Pain is such a genuine feeling.
what I'm feeling right now, isn't exactly pain but merely the absence of. I understand that my flesh has nerves all over and that is part of whats keeping me going . Life seems a lot foggier and I am walking into the dark. Feeling what I can understand, searching for the braille letters and hoping I find a coherent sentence

I hope you are
doing okay

Something in me misses
you.
A sweet craving
within my heart

Nothing quite satisfies
the same as you
do

A quality in the air
is missing since you've
been gone.

The air isnt filled with
static. My hair's do not stand up
the same way.

Magic is missing, excitement has been robbed and optimism is down.

Come back please

There's beauty in a morning
Lived thoroughly
A breath taken in-

Fuller than any
part of the day.
light and fluffy.
bounce into
life, uninhibited.
second winds


A good morning,
Sleepless

Papered words
Swallowed by a manic depressive
a bottomless binge eater

Indigestion regular
Normal ****

Broken bottle once
Filled to the brim

Pop is an escape
Easily digested

Substance at face value
Shallow

“Broken again?”
Says the creator
Humpty Dumpty’s tale
too relatable.

Curious is the cool cat
Who saw the suicide

Quiet is the mouse
Who ran away

Message in a bottle
lost at sea

Castaway

Toxic, sick
Infectious.
Feeling nothing but
Erections.
Butterflies in my heart.
fleeting

Highs to spark

Something in my heart.

Keep it coming as long
as it's in the dark.
Please hit me with the whip
and split my *** open.
Hoping that you'd find the
Sugary caramel insides.
Lick me clean

Heart beating
wings of a bee
High on honey
Dance freak  
Sugar squeak

Tip of the peak

Like a mermaid washed up on shore
Needing no breath
(you stole it from me)

not sure if shes okay.

Take a deep breath

Eye to eye
Medusa rose
-stunned

Effortless beauty.

Holding hands with children
Shiny red balloons
you fear to let go,
holding for dear life.
The future is here
kids grow nearer
to the world we shelter them from.
A bull running faster and faster
your heart can't take
another surprise.
Future is now , shiny-er
than ever. Optimism rains,
perfection is strived, tomorrow's
problems are solved and
today. Progress is
continuing.
Future's are secured

My skin and blood jumps
My mind doesn't
Obedient, well trained.
Does it mean I know what's going on.
No.

It is a change of faith
maybe the loss of.
Maybe in the books
within history.

Her story may be found.
At the bottom of a well
we shall know now
what comes of her

Let her out
I know she's still there now
Let her out
Tell her "come to the breeze"

Your internal hell
Doesn't have to be faced at the bottom
of a well.

Come to the breeze

She and I, are one
We will both be okay

I know that now.

Please, let her out.

I cannot find
the strength to
Shut my eyes hard enough.
Seeing the discourse
Disheartens me, but
it is necessary.
A conversation ever-going
Becoming more and more complex.
Complexity is the future.
Everyone will want to simplify
to make it easier for they to swallow.
You can't always swallow the hardest pills. Possibly, it may go up the
***.
None the less it is going somewhere.
Progress, hunty

to only feel optimism is ignorant. We experience so much more. Happiness is a choice? That's repression. Bottling up.
to explode in a public space is seen as unhealthy.

That is in the end to feel something in the moment honey. We got those feelings. Express it. So someone else can understand

Whenever I see a queer person of color
I hide the comments section.
No love there.
My optimism is *******.
Everyday I see these
influential warriors
fighting for there voice.
Many enemies.

Nothing but hate

I love you!
Great and valiant fighter
Go on and create.
As will I!
If you do too

Was this a night mare
Was this a movie
What was this memory
I remember so well.
( Was this a memory?)

When you've been living in a daze
everything is too close to a dream.
When you're in a dream, have you ever thought about anyone else .

I had the thought of rethinking what I knew.
I knew now everything, wasn't exactly as it was . Or was it?
I don't remember, should I care?

Why does it hurt?

wake up
get up
drink up
not awake yet,
still chasing conciousness.
lips grey and eyes sunken
living my big bright
blur of a life

Wherever, you are.
think of where you've been
and who you loved.


think of where you'll be.

Everyone will be there
behind you.
Cheering you on. To your next
Endeavor

Fireworks, big smiles and
bigger laughs.

You've come so far
You know you can go farther

I only loved you
when it was
Convenient
I'm really sorry
that I  didn't think
of you
( When it really mattered.)
What's the matter with my
soul? It isn't correct
but nothing feels wrong.

I feel something , I don't know
if it's "sorry".

Looking into the void.
I think I seen you.

Reached out.
We met again.

For the first time.

It was love


Possibly maybe.

holding on to right now.


Frozen. your face perfection.

Eyes closed.

Waiting so anxiously for you
to open them.

You don't.
   My heart arrested by your beauty.
   Shatters when you chose not
   to look at me.



I don't feel any signs of growing.

Every ounce I drink
My face melts away
My eyes sink lower
Smiles yellow
Liver disintegrates

Memories fly away
Mind glides to the next
day doing the next operation
Worrying about nothing but
the next commitment.
Deep breathing, suppressing.
Smiling, holding in the deepest
breath. Asphyxiation.
A tight knoose. Kept loose enough
to make the next decision.

I feel every minute of my being,
being lived every moment. To a certain extent, a chokehold.
I want you to be the happiest,
the unseen celebration.
The best of
you're life.

The unthinkable, your next
step to where you want to be.
beyond me.

I hope you feel my words

Hear my intent

Notice my attention

and most of all

see that I care..


Hear your words

See your face

Look in your eyes


Feel your teeth, your tongue

Hear your heartbeat

pound as

we nervously touch .

Our sticky eyes

View eachother

Bubble gum touch

Gliding fingers
Tender kisses

Pelvis to pelvis
Tight holds
Molecular bonds
Love made strong
Final song
the ecstacy


Morning breath smells

of vulnerability, humility and laughter

I love you

twirling, roses falling around me
jumping, feelings that explode
Fireworks in my hands
Jazz in my toes

Dance

Smile to shine
Eyes wide to see
Butterflies
Oh, romance
beautiful ******* leave me
and nihilism alone.
Keeping to myself and I.

I like when things
Are in action when I have done
Nothing.
Working, loving, breaking,
Falling
Without a touch from me
You work, you love, you fail
You live .
Me laying still staring at nothing.
Crash of cars, storms gather, an alcoholics
Head splatters.
Next day the same. dust picks up,
Tumble weeds travel. Love grows
where seeds of hope are planted.
Sprouts of joy rise, blossoming smiles bright, care is honed .
Drugs are sold, people are stolen,
Brothers and sisters are killed.
All that I've heard is a good prayer helps.
But does prayer stop a trigger ,
Does prayer stop kidnappings,
Does prayer stop peoples desire

Body crawls to bed
falter now
animal mounting prey
staring at your face
intimate eyes.
fingers explore your body,
ear to chest
Excitement in your heart
blood pumps
cannibal desire

im terribly
terrified of the future
with pretentions minds

Do i stay
where I am and soak
in the disorganized
disheveled world
let my mind be
the same.
do i allow
do i learn
do i take a deep breath
and inhale each seasons scents

Ima sit here
with the bottle of water
I bought an hour ago
from down the street.
leave me be, here,
with nothing on my
mind.
sitting thinking about
yesterday,
about hanging with friends
with a cool imperfect smile
that weeds out the real.
keep the circle tight.
so tomorrow is worry-free

leave me be, here,
with my bad habits

elders carry stories
of themselves foaming
at the mouth
like rabid dogs

like the language they spoke
was *****.

Nuns with sharp rulers,
sharply ruled the catholic schools

No choice, but to
submit and Americanize
with cheeseburgers and denim

lonely tears for home
   missing the
  gentle breeze of pine and juniper trees

while forgotten brothers and sisters hang with
touchy pastors whose love for Christ
told them to be quiet.

We are of air,
made from corn.

Blown together with
wind and kept
together by water.

Time
doesn't matter
                     Humans,
                nutrients for the future

Do you ever think to yourself "what the **** am I doing?"
I do, a lot.

Living on a rezervation where the local economy is Oil, Fast food, Politics and one Market. if willing maybe a pyramid scheme.

"what the **** am I doing?"
You think think that question a lot when you don't fit in .

What do I care?!?!

   What "do I care"?

Have you woke up in the middle of the night to look out at nothing.
Watching time go by.

Wanting so much for time to stop.
still moving, every crushing minute,
    moves so slowly with every second.

Craters on my face,
remind me of space.
travel

Hair on my body,
remind me of nature.
untouched-touched

Scars on my skin,
remind me of mistakes made.
living

Tan transition to pale flesh,
remind me of wonders.
unseen

Dry chapped skin,
remind me of time exhausted.
work

Boney bones,
remind me of mountains.
adventure

Looking directly at the sun
Eyes shine, glass orbs
Suns themselves
Fire in the brain
Continuously gazing
Mind absent, as the
Slow torture of
“Hell I see”
No blink…
Eyeballs dry,
Red, blistering
Face scorched.
Collapse
Body falls to the ground, eyes smoking, charred
Black
Damage unquestionable.

My family and I just started our after dinner walk on Mother’s day.
All smiles, strolling along our paved road that leads home.
As we were halfway near the highway, telling jokes and giggling over our bloatedness.
I look down to notice our dog panting and barking off into the distance.
Nothing was there. Dogs barking was not something I usually take too much mind to.
We own 3 dogs; Lucy is a male pitbull, Linda is a male yorkie, and Mindy is a female pug.
They all came with us on our walk. Usually they roam free, but today they stuck near.
That didn’t seem to be unusual.

We talk about how everyone is doing and what exactly everyone is up to.
Basically getting caught up since I usually don’t visit often, as i stay with my partner.

All three DOGS walked off into the distance, on there way back. Most likely tired.

All of a sudden my heart skips, my ears pop
increasingly loud ringing..
Confused, I start to panic. Everything seems fine. I can't hear anything.

I look around, finally noticing that my family was gone.
I finger my ears repeatedly. The sun is going down.

Nothing seems to be around, no cars passing, houses in the distance seemingly vacant but cars are parked in front and everybody is most likely inside.
I shrug whatever happened off, I make my way back home. Ears still deaf.

The driveway to my house seemed about a football field away. Every step was disorienting. I could not hear anything, still.
I apparently took an awkward step unknowingly. spraining my ankle and falling into a bush of stickers (this is New Mexico so that’s not uncommon.) It’s dark now. The closest amount of light is coming from my house.
I am yet to be able to hear anything.

The house less than 600 feet away. I yell for help. I can’t hear myself yelling but I know I am. The house has a big window that’s radiating light in my direction. It makes sense that my screaming would get attention. Nothing happens.
Shadows appeared looking out from the window. Feeling a sense of relief, I scream again. Expecting them to take notice, they don’t. They actually stay where they are.
All I can see is familiar silhouettes.

Still screaming, now waving my hands in the air and crying. I still don’t hear anything.
My throat feels as if it were bleeding.
Feeling very helpless and scared.
The silhouettes remain where they were. Frustrated, crying, tired, and in pain.
I close my eyes and throw my head back ..
into black
Like sleep

I wake in the beginning

Blindfolded, I feel everything.

chewing bubblegum lips.

fish above water

gasping for air

A leaf doesn't know it is a part of tree,
so please let us keep on growing.
History
is taught to the ones who've fallen.


They see a tree, the ground, the grass
the sky above
they leave, they travel
they live free and die.

a certain feeling is emerging.


my teeth grind


my mind seems fine.


I don’t like it.


I want to shout, I want to scream,


I want to fight, I want to blow steam

I’m uncomfortable




My eyes have been dammed for too long


I must cry, I must feel


I must share, I must reveal


I am hindered




There's a certain ******* tongue desires.


no amount of salt or sugar


will satisfy.




I don't know, but


I want out. I feel


I have no say or power to do,



But the reality is I "Do"

I find it exciting to see things break without a human touch.


A jar I previously filled with water,


froze today.


All I heard was the crackling of glass breaking,


I knew


It was the jar.





A jar I left outside


waiting for something to happen

and it


did.




Not at all what I wanted.


Nonetheless something that


happened.


without my touch

The frigid nights
Opens the mouth of the
World so wide you can
clearly see the stars
Shiny white and yellow teeth above
Snow covers the landscape around
me
Animal ***** stains
the ground around me
Dirt and rocks peek through

One lonely man
In tattered garbs
Walks in the mud
Each leg lifted (plops)
with every step.
His breath visible,
Red and blue is seen
in the distance.

////


Cold colorado, with sharp aggressive trees
stabbing the skies
the forest is a prison, winter.
Pillows of snow falling,
tucking the people
into their warm fired homes.
Homeless lay awake
in a frozen reality,
the snow hides everything from
people , what you forget,
Is usually always forgotten
in the snow.

Grasping sanity
Breathing ecstasy
Biting tongues

Eyes flitter

No moan,
Silent quitter

The water is flavorless  when it hits my coffee stained tongue
I crave hydration. My white lined lips  argue that it's impossible

a certain feeling is emerging
Grinding of my teeth
Nails to chalkboard
I dont like it.
I want to shout, I want to scream,
I want to fight, I want to blow steam
My eyes have been dammed for too long
I must cry, I must feel
I must share, I must reveal
I am hindered
Theres a certain ******* tongue desires
and no amount of candy or soda
will satisfy.
I don't know, but
I want out. I feel
I have no say or power to do,
But the reality is I "Do"

My mind is on fire
with the itch of
curiosity.
Like the flakes from
my scalp
Ideas fall from my head
where they lay, I simply
blow them off.
I left empty handed
And sore from
scratching for answers .

The world is ill and I am not a doctor. Success is water soluble. You can mix it with alcohol and you can roll it with your ****. I want nothing to do with it. Greed is as green as the grass thats on the other-side. Poverty is camouflaged with bright smiles and happy families. Pain is merely an evolutionary adaptation wrapped up with a bow as common sense gifted to all who are born. Apparently Adam and Eve must've took a bite of an apple and lost some teeth to make them think they sinned.
Repression is the new depression. Nothing changed just my behavior .

There's no signal
in this room
There's no signal
when i'm with you

Now please refresh
I exist to exist, as
much as you .

Now please refrain
from saying "I love you"
Let's abstain from the
thought of loving you

/
Mind on fire
with the itch of
curiousity. the flakes
that fall are ideas.
where they lay, I simply
blow them off.
I,
Left empty handed
and sore from
scratching.
//
Tip toe into madness-
Waltz so slowly-
Rolling my head back
looking up into the sky,
smiling so dangerously.
Clutching my curiosity-
Fluttering my eyes so fast
I experience an overdose.
///
Foot tapping to the
sound of impatience.
banging - tantrically
throwing heads around
for therapy
it soothes the itch
of exorcistic compulsions.
get read to exude crazed
lyricism. The aestheticism
brings me to
bite my lip.