push him away
2. stop talking about him to your friends
3. start talking to new people
4. start going out more
5.start looking at guys
6. I bet you don't even know his name anymore

Everything is a blur,
My hands are fidgeting in the breeze,
I'm afraid one more touch,
Will quickly drop me to my knees.

My eyes are blocked against my will,
They are heavy, I'm feeling weak,
I'm blind to the future storm,
The day is forsaken and bleak.

Then I feel it start to rain,
My hopes once again begin to shed,
I flail, falling on the ground,
I soon realize it's in my head.

All at once, nothing makes sense,
The edges of actuality smudge,
I breathe, try to clear my mind,
My anxiety won't budge.

I've finally soured into the mess,
I always knew I would become,
I didn't think it would feel like this,
I'm fragile, worthless, and dumb.

Self-doubt invades my thoughts,
I didn't used to be this way,
My defenses tumbled down,
I can't go back to yesterday.

Mistakes are catching up with me,
I run away and hide,
Underneath this illusion,
Is a scared little girl inside.

I'm sorry.
If that's what I'm supposed to be.
My mother always told me
I need to increase
My humility.

I'm sorry.
Truly painfully.
But I'm stubborn
and can't afford
to be
small.

Because my ego is
built like a house
That I live in
and breathe for.
I worked
for this house.
For this roof that covers my head
and no one else's.

Look,
I'm sorry.

Passionately.
For who I know
and who I do not know
how to be.
**** me.
I'm Sorry.

Today I feel worthless. No ideas are flowing; my attempts are sporadic and trivial, just some drivel I've eked out. Poetry...barely breathing , a few gasps every week or two, beyond that it's suffocation. I'm boring, mundane, my creativity drained away, and I'm not even sure when I pulled the plug. Maybe I should take a bath, plunge myself underwater, look up at the surface, search for a purpose. I want to cry, I won't, I can't. Slip into a self-loathing depression. Hit my head against the wall till one or the other breaks, at least then I might have something to fill the pages, those ******* pages.

Bottled up emotions;
Shards of a broken heart;
Cans full of empty words;
Expired faith.
Cracked jars filled with a mixture of sadness, hurt and grief leaking out every second.
Packets of crumbled hope;
Sweet wrappers torn and crumpled;
Half eaten dreams...

She stares into the distance,
her eyes flickered,
the window to her soul,
dimmed little by little;
have I not bled enough? she thought.

Inside her filled with cracks,
a cage that completely lost
its resonance
drop it too quickly
and she shatters, shards piercing another.

A self destructive weapon, is what it is,
in a fit state her demons coiled;
ne’er-do-well, she mirrors herself,
considers a heart of little no value.