Alice on the left
Protecting scars from the past
On a mushroom patch
Of black lines sure to last

The Rabbit to her right
Memories of temptation before
Addictions and highs
Never touch it again she swore

Joined together they tell a story
To others, it looks pretty
But when she looks down
She sees more of a plea

When I woke up this morning
I felt my skin crawl and body ache
And my entire being was sitting at the edge of a knife
And I could feel the backs of my knees being gently sliced into as I swung my legs

When I woke up this morning
I felt my mind reeling back and forth like a wind-up car
Forehead and heart alike pounding as I sat up
My ankles clicked and my jaw popped open
To reveal damaged clockwork within
And I was stuck at exactly 6:37 am

When I woke up this morning
Something felt off
My hands felt as though they were placed three inches away from where they are on my wrists,
My ears rung with noises I barely remembered
And my eyes stung with just the light from my dim screen,
and burned when I flicked the switch

When I woke up this morning
My nerves were on fire
And I was reduced to a pile of tear-stained ashes
Because why should I cry if I knew what was wrong?
Questions racing about my mind
Dulled by choked on routines electrifying my nervous system
necessary to keep me from going down the rabbit hole

I'm tired of wearing Alice’s armor
And the caterpillar’s smoke is making my lungs seize up and throat swell
I refuse to accept the fact that I am steadily losing control
But I will scream, cry, and break that I am nothing short of terrified.

When I woke up this morning
I told myself that I will be fine
And I ignored all the warning signs
And I fell

Fell

F e l l.

Blood
In the ashes
Smeared
On white roses
"Paint them red,"
She said
"Or it's off with your head"
The Queen of Roses
Lying her her rose bed
Dripping blood
From a severed head
Slowly painting
The roses red

how do you gaze at the rabbit hole in your chest without falling down into it?

Alice had forgotten what happiness felt like. It’s been long since hers plummeted to rabbit holes with non-existent Wonderlands — hers plummeted to rabbit holes, from which it was never again able to climb back from.

my way to say,
present, in Wonderland.

present in your life when least expected,
no qualifying reassurance reason,
and best!
dessert-deserved more than the rest of the days

prefer to have a postman ring twice,
imagining the look on your confused face,
the genuine life velocity wholeheartedly surprised,
the tickling happiest angst of wondering why...

the present of presence is selfish, me-gleeful,
good for the soul, and the surprise message,
for my presence is all the greater by my absence,
well, it tickles that warm spot you almost forgot about
that no rowed columnar calendar manager can pretend provide

that’s what is all about...
(and stop grinning already)
the unexpected, the ******* jack wondering,
the whys grows lesser,  
the message très simple:
the no reason season of surprise,
starts with a daily sunrise..  

C'est la vie au pays des merveilles


postscript
————-
(Holiday and Birthday wishes/presents are now de rigeur, obligatory,
forgetting unacceptable, even as a date’s meaning grow less significant,
now that we’re on Facebook to be advised by AI that controls it & destroys simultaneously,
the reduction of the remembering quality of life)

The war is over don’t you see.
Fire still reigns supreme.
The war is over, understand!
Fear still crawls across the land.

Every bullet spent in vain,
Every knife now bears a stain!
Every bullet shot to miss,
I wasn’t born to live with this!

Simple truths for simple men,
Simple wounds hurt now as then,
Complex thoughts expressed through rage,
one more problem to engage!

Damaged sons of damaged fathers!
******* of decline!

We don’t live in reality,
We suffer through a fever dream!
No one rises no one screams!
An escape is what we need!

We are sons of entropy,
Preparing for apocalypse,
******* of catastrophe,
We thrive in our depravity!

The skies are open don’t you see!
Down the rabbit hole with me!
The skies are open, every man!
Run away to rabbitland!

Every head that’s cut in vain,
Every blade forged in disdain!
Every head a price to pay,
For us to see light of day!

Honest words for honest folks,
Bleeding scars from poor taste jokes,
Sugarcoated **** still stinks,
It leaves a mark and so does the ink.
Damaged daughters, lowly ******!
******* of a glitch in time!

We don’t live in reality,
We pursue a fever dream!
We ignore fear and gravity,
bite the fire through the screams!

We children of entropy!
Preparing for catastrophe!
No hope, no love no sanctity!
We revel in depravity!

You were there, but there you weren’t,
There in the mess of my mind.
My dreams look sweet, but that’s simply deceit;
Dreams are where terrors hide.
I saw you once. No, twice! No, thrice!
But you vanished into the unknown.
Play nice with my demons, but please don’t feed them.
Oh my, how we’ve grown!
We’ve grown together and grown apart;
You had my all, then lost my heart.
It’s okay! It’s all fine! Just like it was that one night.
Now my head is spinning and my stomach’s in a knot;
the truth it makes me sick, but I’ll smile through the pain.
Have a wonderful life my dear. Think of me from time to time.
Take life like a shot of tequila: with some salt and a lime!