She finds the brightest star
Traces it's dotted lines
Grasping constellations yet to be
Longed after,
Naming them.

The Cigarette
Prayed too by the star captain,
Suave, compelling, proud.
Held close by the Escapist.
The comfort of the same circle of pain
with different faces,
friends wherever there's fire.

The Bottle
Held onto tightly when the chips are down
Rocking back and fourth, homeless
Good friend of the shopping cart
Of the Molotov cocktail burning bridges
Of the 2am revelry of loud sticky benches
Orange caution tape bump for consent

The Pacifier
A purse token for the forgotten children
Necklace neon green pink pigtails
The purest form of oral fixation.
Mother of the cigarette
Designed to cut words and part lips
Only comfort to give in return

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Tears are stinging behind my eyes
As I try to hold them within
No one will know why
Until it is to late
To late to even count them
For soon there will be way to many
I can't even say why they are there
But soon everyone will know why
And then like me they will try to hold them back
But it will be to late
As many will stand at that flood gate
As we try to let the tears wash away the pain
But it never will
They never do
The pain that is about to be created
Will resonate for years and years to come
And all I can do is stand and watch
And brace for impact

You knew what would happen
I'm sure of that
I heard the scraping as you sharpened
I saw the knives
But the blinding smile you always flashed
It always fooled me
But that day I remember as good as ash
Bleak and useless
You stung me to the very core
The pain was acute
I couldn't bare it anymore
But then I saw a bird of white
So small I almost missed it
It was then I grasped at hope and began to fight

I feel like i'm toxic to the touch
when I felt and tried to return the love you gave me,

turning not to thank me,
as I reach out to grab you,

you walked away,
as I watched and cried,

I retrace each step you take,
my tears falling so fast they fill your footprints place,

drawing what ever may live in your souls,
as you stepped and went away,

eventually the night falls,
and I am left in the darkness, alone,

without you,
without anyone to care,

I sit unwanted,
hoping you will care.