The thought of you holds sleep at bay
Do you ever think of me?
I think of you
In landscapes I wander
Dreamless and weary
Searching for that familiar face
Remember how we laughed the first date?
You smiled encouragingly as I opened up
I remember the second
And you opening the door not just the car
But the one to your soul
And the third when you held me close, and kept the cold at bay
When your lips first touched mine
I was shocked and felt so alive
It was that day. That evening.
That was the last day you
Shared your love with me
You were slow to respond
And I felt like a hit and run victim
You order me to move on
And I an obedient soldier,
Do my best
But I just wander lost in love or lust
I don't know
Visions of you flicker across my eyes
Painting the sky in shades of red and blue
I am shell shocked,
My pulse racing to unknown ends
And to make amends
Would it **** you?
To tell me why?

Why are we all so afraid of listlessness? Making the pin ***** but afraid of to bleed. Aimlessly wandering when we are not assigned to something. Always asking "what do I do now? Where Should I go?"
We are money hungry, complaining of lack of money when we do not act upon trying to make money. Complaining of dead end jobs when we could quite possibly do anything we desire. We are afraid to waste our time on dire things such as education and intelligence, welfare of others, and finding ourselves so we succumb to an ordinary life of living as others.
We are afraid to jump off the buildings, open the doors of perception, to be alive and breathe and bleed.
Afraid to come in touch with daily emotions, such as love (if that exists) and hate. Over analyzing of emotions break us down, to believe our own minds are corrupt. Being wide eyed and curious is now shunned and put down.
The cuts and bruises and scars we bear are to be covered, overbearing the experiences and emotion we feel.
We are no longer enlightened and instead put in the dark.
But not me. I am myself, I am a soul, a spiritual being, made of earth and stardust and filled with holy particles.
I am myself and my mind is not corrupted.
Like

He can't settle down
Wandering the world from town to town
Hungry for more than what he was given
Tasting the sweetness of that which was forbidden
Can't settle down
Exploring the world one town at a time
Drinking love from those his heart held hostage
Thirsty for knowledge
Can't settle down

You can find me skipping through the streets of Paris. I'll be the girl with the long brown hair in a black summer dress. I'll have sunglasses on and as I make my way around this foreign town I'll wonder why I ever need to go home.

You can find me arm wrestling in Germany. I'll be the girl in the shorts and the lips t shirt surrounded by angry, sweaty German men who just want to take a chance on beating me. And as I laugh my way through the match I'll wonder why I ever need to go home.

You can find me in Italy drinking wine and dancing under the moon along the cobblestone alleyways.  I'll be hand in hand with some beautiful Italian man as we kiss just because we are young and free. And as I kiss my way across the canals I'll wonder why I ever need to come home.

And if by chance I make it home to America, where the lights aren't nearly as bright and the memories aren't nearly as fun. You'll find me in a boring office working as I dream of my foreign adventures again.

I've found hope in a far off dream
So distantly impossible it does seem.
Others think I'm a fool to believe 
Even though I know they think I know not.

This dream is the thing for which I reach
Even though I know I'm unlikely to succeed
Others they think I'm going insane
Even though I know they know not.

They tell me give up, they say to move on
Find another purpose, write a different song.
They don't understand, they can't comprehend 
Even though I know they don't know it's all I've got.

I ignore what they say, I choose to press on
But my heart starts to feel like it's wandering on.
I say I'm ok, that there will be hope for one day,
Even though I know they know I have not.

Not sure where I'm going, I hold on to where I've been
As if I have some sort of direction, I try to pretend.
Without this dream I have nowhere to go
Even though I know they know that I'm lost.

1/19/14

Wandering Souls

Not all those who wander away, are forever lost,
Many lifetimes our paths somehow crossed,
An infinite Ocean of life to explore,
Expanding eternally, in size evermore.

Wandering souls find anywhere a comfortable abode,
Mind full of experiences, an ever writing tome,
Whether among many, or all alone,
Eternally traveling, The Universe, our harmonious home.

Whether within undesired chaos or well deserved order,
Whether within silence or much disorder,
Even if at times when you're in distress,
Remember, The Universe loves you, being forever blessed!

Therefore learn, live, travel on and explore,
Everyday, love yourself a little bit more,
Forwards Thinking, seeing potential in others and self,
Ever learning soul, Wisdom, our true wealth.

My head doesn't fit my shoulders today
feels like it belongs to someone else
someone who's asleep.. or dead
because this one is full of cotton wool and candy floss
and doesn't work properly
maybe it's the brain inside
there must be lots of room in there
because it's all over the place
thoughts here, thinking there,
mind wandering every ****** where
i can't grasp a single thought and see what it is
not one of them will stay still long enough
for me to hold it to the light and say
"ah yes... i should be doing " ...**** i forget
everything just slips through the cracks and nothing holds fast
i've lost brain cells somewhere i'm sure of it ..
you know.. the ones that make the brain work properly
probably in my bed
or has slipped down behind the nightstand
all i can think of is how much i can't think straight
i know i am always a little bit 'Phoebe'
always a little quirky.. odd maybe
i can't help that
and i don't always think in a straight line anyway
but i need my own head today
i have a very busy day ahead .. i think
probably..
but my head is full of cotton wool and candy floss
and my mind..
it's just not there.

her body rusting -
yes, they call me vagabond -
prisoned to wander.