I have never had a valentine.
Yes, I had that one guy, that one time
But to him, it was just a
A valenti---- don't really love you kinda love.
A valenti---- wish it wasn't you kinda love.
And to me, it was a
Valenti---- really don't think I'm straight kinda love.
Valenti---- am SO uncomfortable, get me outta here kinda love.

I have never had a valentine,
Yes, I had that one girl, that one time,
But we were miles away from each other.
4,483 to be exact.
With her I felt great
For a while
Like a candle
At the end of its life
You can see the waltzing flame meet the quiet of night
Midnight
Should I stay up kinda night
Skype call kinda night
I love you but... I gotta go... kinda night.

I have never had a Valentine
And it's not because he didn't care enough
Or she wasn't close enough.
I've never had a Valentine because I'm either too much or just not enough
I'm insecure, so insecure of the way I talk, the way I walk, the way these two strands of hair stick out, the way this one tooth just doesn't stay in line, the child inside me made entirely of antidepressants and fries, the truths, the lies, the incessant goodbyes.
I've never had a Valentine and I'm lonely
As hell
I'm so lonely I'll fall in love before you blink,
I'll pick you up when you're standing still,
I'll spin you around like I finally made up my mind to do the laundry
I'll kiss you good morning and I'll kiss you goodnight
Tonight
Tomorrow
Maybe forever.
You see this
is my problem.
This passion
This raging forest fire of emotions
This racing broken heart of haunted suspicions.
You aren't perfection
You're my perfection.
In my dictionary, your name is scrawled into the definition of every positive adjective, every beautiful noun, everything that's not a frown.

You see when I imagine my valentine, I see stars in the sky
As cliché as that sounds, I see stars in the sky and her nose perfectly aligning with the moonlight,
Her eyes slightly unsure whether to meet mine
Her lips lightly quivering with her gaze falling on mine
Her fingers slowly inching up to the tips of mine
Her smile faintly turning into a garden of lullabies
The place I go to mourn my goodbyes and watch the sun rise.
When I think of my Valentine,
I hear her laugh turning into a snort, laughing even louder, her cheeks turning red, tears in her eyes.
And I laugh along, falling in love with every crinkle by her eyes, just hoping she's not dying inside.
Just hoping she's not just pretending to love me tonight. Praying she believes we're more than just alright.

I've never had a Valentine,
But I'm hoping
I'm really ******* hoping
Somewhere in this crowd
I might have changed your mind.

Met a ******* Tinder,
fck it we’re all Winners,
not thirsty but I’m starvin’,
so baby tell me what’s for dinner,

what’s in the oven where’s the lovin’,
give it all to me raw no apologies no filter,
it’s V-Day I’m as depressed as I am on my B-Day,
still giving you raw lines uncut with no filler,

and yeah Love gives life,
but she’s also a killer,
stupid Cupid’s got me dreaming lucid,
still I feel salty as a Biblical pillar,

like Lot’s wife in that one verse,
in Genesis 19,
yeah I guess lots is how much love hurts,
get healed then hurt again,

kinda like my life on Tinder,
swipe left swipe left swipe right,
kinda like Duck Duck Goose or Musical Chairs,
not looking for a lifetime just looking for a night,

a temporary solution to a permanent problem,
some foreign aid in the form of a band-aid on my bleeding heart,
can’t fix the problem but sure can relief the symptoms,
at least for the night when we forget this earth and get lost in the stars,

so I’m searching,
swiping on that Tinder app,
hoping to find true love,
or at least something that resembles that,

because my hearts got some holes,
and I’m hoping someone can fill them,
like my souls got some demons,
and I’m hoping someone can **** them,

what’s happened to society,
and how’d we all get so lonely,
especially in the age of social networking,
everything seems superficial even this poem feels phony,

like when I get liked on Tinder,
and I reply with “We matched want to meet up”,
and I pretend I’m fine with no worries,
when really I’m feeling totally beat up,

Jesus,
don’t know if I can come step back from this ledge,
feeling frozen paralyzed like a bad app,
when you can’t scroll so you just refresh,

and get a whole new lists or prospects,
a whole new set of potential matches,
another chance to build something grand,
out of the burned past and all it’s ashes,

and that’s when,
I come back to the present,
now where were we oh yeah,
it was Valentine’s Day and I was on Tinder again…

Met a ******* Tinder,
fck it we’re all Winners,
not thirsty but I’m starvin’,
so baby tell me what’s for dinner,

what’s in the oven where’s the lovin’,
give it all to me raw no apologies no filter,
it’s V-Day I’m as depressed as I am on my B-Day,
still giving you raw lines uncut with no filler…

∆ LaLux ∆

The New Book Is FREE Here: https://www.scribd.com/document/367036005/The-Sydney-Sessions-12-Steps

love is the sweetest seed
you'll ever plant in a heart
to make it enduringly flourish
tend it well from the start

love's blossom shall grow
into a beautiful array
an exquisite rouge rose
cherished for its display

Valentine the perpetual
gardener of endearedness
cares with a loving touch
profound in true closeness