i was just like a cigarette
waiting to be flicked
passed around
and tossed, when finally burned

i was just like a cigarette
filled with novocaine
designed to keep numb
like a distraction
used to escape, what is now

i am just like a cigarette
useful whilst burning
and useless when burned out

Happy first day of Spring!
We're expecting snow.
Mother Nature can't
Make up her mind,
But neither can I.
It feels misplaced
Like it doesn't belong,
I feel like the puzzle piece
You can never find a spot for.
I guess that's what happens,
When you wait too long.

To never be good enough is an indescribable feeling.
No matter how much you want happiness, you feel like you never deserve it.
People can reassure you , but deep down in your heart , you know it's true.
You're useless
You're good for nothing.
You can't do even the simplest mundane task without feeling worthless.
The world would be a better place without you.
Your existence means less than a grain of salt.
With no rhyme nor reason,  why are you still here?
Are you meant to serve a greater purpose?
Maybe.
You just can't fathom it yet.
Your mind is useless too.

It's funny, the more I hear
These uncertainties need no more fear
All truths become that solely one
Miserable tears question what I've done
I've only ever seen such wounds at war
Not surprised if I catch your gaze on the door

writing with a bent and broken pen
with dying, faded ink
yet somehow is still reaching the paper
sometimes i don't know what to say
i just know i need to say something
however eloquent or ******
however my words want to shape me

each emotional wound becomes an inkwell of blood.  each crack in my unstable mind lets in sunlight.  each dent in my ego catches rainwater and dreams.   everything is repurposed,all lemons squeezed dry for my metaphorical lemonade.

but no matter what/
I'm not
made of talent
but/ no matter what I'm /

still inferior/
no matter what,  I'll still be/
a shell of wasted/

potential,  each mile / traversed
there's two ran away/
no matter how I /

use and abuse myself,  I /
am still
useless
in their eyes.   /

I'm really
nothing special.
Ask anyone
about me
and they
will say,
"who?"
I'm a nobody.
Actually,
I'm nothing.

My head is awfully stupid.
"Remember this equation" I yell.
I know it will be on the test.
My brain responds by
remembering all the lyrics
to a song by Taylor Swift.

I cry as I fail my test in physics.

I once a got a present
It was danish design
A hoptimist. I was confused.
No function. Not pretty.

Just expensive...

I realized I was a hoptimist.

So I kept it...

I couldn't think of a better blade than you
                     Because you cut so deep
        *You don't leave any trace that whatever you sever even existed