I am so accustomed to the fact that no one gives a ****.
No one really cared.
They were never my friends.
They pity me and tolerate me.
I'm annoying and useless.
They don't want me around because I'm not good enough.
But they'd never know,
As the smile on my face,
Just as fake as them.

I don't understand. Was I born to be a mirror?
To let the world see themselves through the shards of my broken heart?
To break into smaller and smaller pieces, cutting into the fingers of anyone who tries to help.
I am mirror, hurting and hurting in a endless pool of sharp edges.

I tried to keep my head high,
Looking at the clouds and shaping them into dreams.
One was a smile, the other was love.
Yet they left me to join the sun.

I was only there to reflect its rays,
I am only here to reflect smiles and love in monotone eyes of glass.
Vanity can't light up the dark without destroying the light in someone else.
Take away my light, will you? Just drown me in your continuum of black holes.

There are four babies born every second.
Two leave. Two live.
One of them is a mirror to reflect the other.
The other shines in full glory around a sea of blue.

I was born a ******* mirror.
A piece of junk thrown at the end of a driveway when it broke.
I am a mirror sitting at the end of the curb,
awaiting for the muffled roars of a garbage truck.

I am a broken mess that weeps
in the blood of your polished red pumps.
in the rust of your pre-made punk earrings.
in the tears of your pearl necklaces.

Oh mister, oh miss,
Can you see yourself in me?
Please, don't throw me away.
I'm broken, I know, but I can fix myself.

Please mister.
Please miss.
Don't leave me. Make me feel special.
Make me feel me.

Mister?
Miss?
Didn't you hear that?

No. Please. Don't throw me away.
Give me a chance.
My shards could serve for something.
Anything. Please.

Please.

I know I'm a mirror.
But I bleed too.

you filled me up to the brim with a soothing feeling of hope and safety.

on the cap goes and we're off to a new destination once again.

into my seat i sit with an empty space for someone like me to the left. the space is taken by receipts and memories of our travels. how nice to know i'm the only one.

you ***** the cap off, take a sip, on the cap goes and i'm back in my special spot. i'm no longer filled to the brim.

your boyfriends house. i'll just sit on the bench while you enjoy his company.

you come over, ***** the cap off, take a gulp, on the cap goes and i'm back on the bench. i'm half empty now.

i'm growing tired. my energy is disintegrating. it's inside you now.

it's time to leave? finally. you pick me up, hold me to your car, you throw me on the passenger seat and to home we go. i'm getting less important now.

we're at a red light, ***** the cap off, swallow me up, on the cap goes and i'm on the passenger seat again. i'm empty now.

you pick me up, realise i'm empty, put me down and frown.
"well this is no use to me now" you say... you walk over to your trash can, throw me in and close the lid.

oh, i see. you are done with using me i guess. have fun with your other water bottle.

I saw you walk away from me, your eyes like burnt pastries
Tasteless was your gaze and tainted was your smirk.
I saw the last of your silk locks, saving themselves from my satin ruffles.
Useless was the lingerie I'd run my fingers through when you'd lean closer.
You told me my smile was the sun, yet you left in your spacecraft
Flirting with the stars, you left my glowing figure in a mist veil of polluted smoke.
You said I would drown in each lingering kisses, deep in a sea promised to never dry up.
You held me down with your addicting anchor; tempting was your touch and hopeful was your blush.

I saw you walk away,
Tasteless;
Tainted;
Useless;
Refugee;
Polluted;
Suffocating;
Add­icting;
Hopeful.

I love you.

i was just like a cigarette
waiting to be flicked
passed around
and tossed, when finally burned

i was just like a cigarette
filled with novocaine
designed to keep numb
like a distraction
used to escape, what is now

i am just like a cigarette
useful whilst burning
and useless when burned out

Happy first day of Spring!
We're expecting snow.
Mother Nature can't
Make up her mind,
But neither can I.
It feels misplaced
Like it doesn't belong,
I feel like the puzzle piece
You can never find a spot for.
I guess that's what happens,
When you wait too long.

To never be good enough is an indescribable feeling.
No matter how much you want happiness, you feel like you never deserve it.
People can reassure you , but deep down in your heart , you know it's true.
You're useless
You're good for nothing.
You can't do even the simplest mundane task without feeling worthless.
The world would be a better place without you.
Your existence means less than a grain of salt.
With no rhyme nor reason,  why are you still here?
Are you meant to serve a greater purpose?
Maybe.
You just can't fathom it yet.
Your mind is useless too.

It's funny, the more I hear
These uncertainties need no more fear
All truths become that solely one
Miserable tears question what I've done
I've only ever seen such wounds at war
Not surprised if I catch your gaze on the door

writing with a bent and broken pen
with dying, faded ink
yet somehow is still reaching the paper
sometimes i don't know what to say
i just know i need to say something
however eloquent or ******
however my words want to shape me

each emotional wound becomes an inkwell of blood.  each crack in my unstable mind lets in sunlight.  each dent in my ego catches rainwater and dreams.   everything is repurposed,all lemons squeezed dry for my metaphorical lemonade.

but no matter what/
I'm not
made of talent
but/ no matter what I'm /

still inferior/
no matter what,  I'll still be/
a shell of wasted/

potential,  each mile / traversed
there's two ran away/
no matter how I /

use and abuse myself,  I /
am still
useless
in their eyes.   /