i breathe you out to breathe myself in,
i love the sun, i love the rain, i love wind,
the pain i feel is what is setting me free,
it hurts, it kills, i feel sick, i feel weak,
everytime i focus on you, i'm not focusing on me,
i want you, i want you to save me,
but you cannot save me, i need to save myself,
i feel sick, i feel like i'm going to be sick,
if i *****, will that get rid of the pain,
i'm shaking, i can't breathe, i miss you,
but i'm missing an even bigger part of me

i want to be sick, i want to let it all out, my stomach hurts, my soul is being ripped apart, i feel ill,
i cannot accept you because i do not accept me,
i want your touch to heal me, i want your kisses, i want to feel your love, i just want to hear your reassuring words and your voice to calm the hurt,
but i can't rely on you anymore, i have to be by myself, i have to do some work

i want to cut you off, i want to cut you out,
like a disease in my body, i want rid of you,
i want the memories to fade and i want the hurt to stop, i want to lie down, i want to give up

i thought loving you would mean i would find myself, but that couldn't be further from the truth, please don't let me go, i can't handle this pain, i can't handle losing you forever again

i know i have to go to the darkness to find the light,
it's a tiny little photon of light, but it'll be my guide, i keep wanting you, oh how my heart aches,
i pine for your touch to soothe me again, but i do not love myself, i am so weak but this too shall pass

you were my bestfriend and now you are no longer my lover,
i have to love myself now, even with the sickness in my body, i will find the strength, attachment made me believe it was love, i'm just sorry it wasn't

you have shown me so much but i am still lacking,
i am here for you,
but i cannot cover this up and carry on like nothing has happened,
we do not work as a team when we lack love for ourselves,
i'm hurting, please pain get out

i'm letting you go now like a child lets go of a balloon, i may want the idea of you back but this pain made me accept it is over forever.

Once upon
a time
I listened
and my story's
plot
thickened

You made it
onto my paper
from
in between my ribs
to
in between my lines
&
all I can do
is sharpen my pencil
every time
I reach the end
of each stanza

You and Me
Love and Hate
Up's and down's
Happiness and Miseries
Now and Ever

i can’t remember the sound
of his voice when he
told me to stop crying.
i know it was angry
but i can no longer hear
the inflection that made my heart
drop, my pulse speed up
because in that moment
he was my father.
in that moment i was scared
and shrunk away from him,
but his arm acted as an apology
around my shaking shoulders.
my dad never apologizes
after he makes me cry.
He stayed up with me that night
and i cried in his arms until six am.
the pack of cigarettes we had been sharing
was gone by sunrise.
i no longer remember how
that display of love made me feel wanted
because now i am left with a benzo haze
over the fulfilling moments, and a
clear recollection of the times i was hurt.
but i cut our cord and buried it in the sand
and i no longer feel the burden of love.
i no longer feel the burden of loving
and am back to shake alone at the thought
of my dad raising his voice.

You think you're the victim,.
Such a fantasy, please make a schism,.
Match by match,.
You found a way to detach,.
Drip by vapory drip,.
The gasoline that drops from your lip,.
As you speak your words for hire,.
Your volatile saliva splashes onto the pyre,.
Where you tied me down when four words were shared,.
This seems to be the only way to show you care,.
I plea to you, I question you why,.
Do you feel the necessity to let us die,.
You tell me to be patient as my soul burns,.
Preparing a feast out of me for the worms,.
Every excuse you can make,.
For me to bleed fire on the stake..,.,.,