i remember all the dates, of when i starting liking you, when i loved you, when i was in love with you, the day you kissed me, the day you grabbed my hand, the day you surprised me

i guess i should start to remember the days i fell out of love, the days i wished youd kiss me and you didnt, the days all i needed was your hand and mine and you refused, the weeks you couldnt spare a moment of your time for me

i am not sure the love will fade, but i know it no longer envelopes me, you no longer make me feel safe, wanted, and cared for

how could i continue to be in love with you when i am not even sure you care about me, or want to talk to me, you make no effort for me

i guess there is no problem staying after falling out of love, as you were never in love anyway

they are waiting for me to break
so they can take advantage of my pieces

A mood can change in the blink of an eye.
Your texts stir up like dissolving lies.
My hands shake to the beat of my thundering heart.
My blood runs cold enough to freeze the pendulum swinging in my head.
My stomach wants to be sick, its letting me know my world is upside down.
The cold sweat consumes me.
Locks me in my head with my whirling thoughts.

When i claw myself out of this madness, i ask who am i?
Who am i to be jealous over an unrequited love?
They could make you happy, surely, i just want you to be happy?

I do want you to be happy.

This love. This hurt. This friendship. This obsession.

This nothingness is leaving no space left for sanity.

A mood can change in the blink of an eye.
I reread your text through blurry eyes.
My hands shake to the beat of my racing heart.
My blood runs cold and the red mist decends over my restraint.
The cold sweat consumes me.
Locks me in my head with my whirling thoughts.

When i claw myself out of this madness, i ask who am i?
Who am i to be jealous over an unrequited love?
They could make you happy, surely, i just want you to be happy?

This love. This hurt. This friendship. This obsession.

This nothingness is leaving no space left for sanity.

Being in love with someone you can't have,
And not just moving on,
Thats crazy! There is no other word for that.

     There is a word for that-
IT'S LOVE!
If you're looking for the word,
That means caring about someone,
Beyond all rationality
And wanting them to have everything they want,
No matter how much it destroys you-
It's love!
And when you love someone,
You just.. you.. you don't stop-
EVER!
Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy,
Even then-
Especially then!!
You just.. you don't give up!
Because if I could give up,
If I could take the whole worlds advice
And move on and find someone else,
That wouldn't be love..
That would be some other disposable thing, that is not worth fighting for,
But that is not what this is.

I trusted you with many things
all except the thing you wanted
whole, untouched, something you felt missing  
a fire you stopped burning

it was your eagerness, to have one
that i begin to doubt
to question if it's truly right
to give, with all despite

after thinking long and hard
an answer came to me
in words not be spoken
it was never meant to be

Dive deeper inside her shallow heart
You'll see the things that
Tear her apart
I may remain in the ocean blue
Where I can't feel you
Just the cold water
Far from the warm weather
You became cold as winter
While my love is stuck in summer
Where years separates us
You flew away as dust
While I'm a summer breeze
Waiting for you in the heart of the ocean
But you never came
You always tear me apart
But I'm a shattered glass
Living until my love doesn't lasts

Sometimes, I blame the stars
I ponder the possibility of their alignment being so twisted on the day I was born
Searching for an explanation

Sometimes, I blame my parents
Perhaps the concept of never being good enough, of which they poisoned my brain with, was not just a concept but in fact the truth all along

Sometimes, I blame my teachers
I consider the reinforcement of said concept being pushed down my throat during my years in education
Never good enough to succeed
Never good enough to be loved

Sometimes, I blame God
No, I’m not religious, but the desperation to know the unknown consumes my entire being until I am pushed towards yet another unknown

Sometimes, I blame society
For worshipping such unattainable standards of beauty that one forgets the true meaning of the word
What does it mean to be beautiful?
What does it mean to be loved?

I never blame myself.
Because I know that is where the answer lies and it terrifies me.