My father never left me
I came to him every day
I knew he loved me
And he disciplined me for only good

My father never hurt me
Unless it was for fun for me
He thought precious things of me: For me
I was drowned in love

My father never knew me
i grew into my own
I neglected his love that God planted in him for me
He grew old and weary and began to drive me crazy

I never knew my father
i began searching for him
When I found him. I recieved love and pleasure
I found myself lost as i called for my daddy

My father is my daddy
He made me his plan with his lover
To nurture me, support and take care of me
The way I've always known him is as my daddy

My daddy is not my father
My daddy does not exist
The ******* i *** while in my bed annihilate me
My inadequacies face me eye to eye

My daddy loves me so much
I keep his life going and going
He knows God and His blessings by me
His passions are the cosmos of life's reality for me

My daddy is who i realize he is
My daddy is who i realize he is
He was my daddy and always will be
He was my daddy as my heart lost my daddy

congratulations,
you are unloved;
undissolved in a world you
watch through glass.

and once again,
you are nine; in the bathroom,
on that floor, as
the blue tiled walls reflect,
and replay
over and over and
over,

and
you wish that
you never truly woke up, from
the strange mix of dream
and reality you
succumbed to long ago,

like a princess, at
rest;
wrapped in thorns

maybe
you'd never have had to pack
that sleepover bag every time
he made you cry,
.
leak

even as the tv still played
cartoons, snot still
ran, and you still
bled (and left).

Having googled and failed to find the right metaphor
to express this all too familiar phase in life,
the alarmingly low levels of self-esteem
conveniently stepped up to suggest,
a fresh pineapple at the local supermarket
during the harshest of Finnish winter.
Its exotic and festive look draws attention,
everyone wants a bite but no one knows how the **** to peel it.
So they observe with great curiosity from just far enough,
to avoid touching the prickly leaves or skin.
The go to center piece of any, maybe just hipster, parties,
misplaced on top of an excruciating variety of pizzas,
spiking Sangria since the beginning of time,
and most appreciated upside down on cakes.
It draws attention and triggers discussions,
but no one knows what to do or how to feel about it,
except to watch with keen interest from a dramatized distance,
and take the canned stuff home instead.

There is s boy.
Always reaching.
For what is just out of reach.
The boy knows he will grow.
Even after the disappointment of not being enough.
Does he cling to the wall.
Patient.
Eyes fixed.
The cadaver bellow.
Grows as well.
Some days it feels as if it will grow limbs.
Just to rip him from crossing the finish line.
Each day is a sacrifice.
A communion with death.
For losing a piece of oneself.
Is a small price.
To be able to...
Live.
Love a day longer.
Only too many days have inched by.
Too many scars have been accumulated to be seen any other way.
All the pain.
Is met with disgust.
No one would dare lock eyes with such a grotesque.
Being..
The cries of agony and sorrow.
Are heard only as rage and hate.
Sadly.
Should the next ledge come into reach.
It is unknown.

Claiming you love me;
Yet you insult, yell
And emotionally abuse me.
If that's what love is,
Then I want none of it.

Rejected
I am cast out
For no one cares
What I am thinking about

Love is overrated
And I do not deserve any of it
For I have done too much wrong
To be forgiven

I'd like to be loved
But what is that to you
You simply care
About nothing but yourself

You say things that burn a whole in me
You tell me to be
Someone I am not meant to be
You make me see the things
No one should ever have to see

Why can't you be more caring
And just love me the way I am
Instead of just staring at me
And pointing out my mistakes

Rejected and alone
I look for a home
But turn up emtpy
And completely unknown

Then you my father
Took me in again
Only to beat me
And put me in pain
For I am worthless to you
And deserve to be
Without any hope
To have or see

Having taken my last strike
I am dying from being alone
My whole entire life
If only I was loved
Then I would have something to strive
To be
To want
To have
But maybe
I'm better off alone
Drifting in the bottomless sea...

I haven't a place in this world
I have no one to trust
I have a need to hide
I have a want to trust
I have a want to love
And to be loved for in return
I have a need to glove
My feelings and my hurt
So no one will every know
How much I feel like dirt...

The winds, the tides —
are against me.
So sunny, yet the cloud —
Shrouds the sunlight meant me.
The chirping birds —
they're wielding wicked wings.
the roses —
when I smell it, it withers.
the night, the moon —
Why is it blue?
my soul —
it's black, will you touch it?