Saying hello with a bright smile and welcoming eyes
How did I get so good at pretending
My insides are on fire
I could burn this whole place down
For the sake of everyone on their highs,
I won't
put holes in these walls with my angry fists
yell at the undeserving
I will
keep pretending
until it becomes my reality

I might be wasting my youth.
It didn't hit me until just now,
flipping through social media feeds.
I know it's false,
but it feels real.
The smiling faces,
the laughs, the loves.
They may not have it every second,
but they have it this second, right now.
And I don't.

Young and innocent,
I played hide and seek
with my shadows,
I was happy.

He cast his shadows over mine,
Forced me to live under his,
I became sad and timid,

I took courage to jump over his,
I conquered my fears,
I am free at last.
To be with my shadows,
My soul mates.

I went to sleep and
Nothing was wrong. I woke up
Now nothing is right.

My tears stream
Down my face
As I think
Of how easily I can be replaced

My hands are trembling
Holding the blade
Is this worth
All of the scars I’ve made?

Then I remember
The people who taument me
Like Im emotionless
Just rid me of my glee

Every word you yelled
Every shove in the halls
Until Im crying
In the bathroom stalls

No one notices
They never will
All the pain you’ve caused
That I can’t ****

Then they wonder
Why Im dead on the ground
With my knife in my hand
And a note with blood all around

They are confused
Wondering why
Then they will all forget
And turn a blind eye

I’m all forgotten
Just like I new I would be

My flame used to shine bright
Thats until it happened
High school
I get judged everyday
I think everyone hates me
I get called nasty names
My family calls me fat
My flame was slowly going out
Like everyone one I liked was spraying water into it
I don't think i had any true friends
Apart from 2 or 3
Only 1 knows how I feel
But yes
My flame has gone out

I’m really unhappy once again

I’ve met some guys
In the age range I want
Online, in my area

They ask to meet up

But I can’t, I’m terrified

Not because they are old, I’d be just as afraid to meet up with a guy my age

But because I’m afraid I’ll spoil my fantasy

What I want is carefully outlined in my head
And if I meet a guy
Who isn’t as cute in person
Or doesn’t look like his picture
Or just isn’t what I’ve imagined

I’m afraid the most exciting feeling I have inside of me will die

And I won’t like anyone
And I won’t have anything to look forward to

I don’t feel depressed often
My anxiety is way worse and takes over
But right now the hopelessness is drowning me

My mind switches through different things to hate about myself and what I want

Give up, you’ll never find real love
Give up, you’d still be this unhappy at your healthiest weight
Give up, it will never be a great as it is in your mind

If it’s not him
It won’t be your fantasy
So quit bothering

Just let things be

You, alone
Quit chasing people who would never chase after you
No one will

Not even the man you left for good, who is still in love with you

Is that not proof enough?