I can’t seem to get you off my mind
My vivid dreams wake me up in a sweat
My day dreams flash my un-lived life
I’m making up scenarios that further my debt
I just need to sleep it off, sleep it off
Tomorrow is a better day
The sun will rise once I sleep it off
Sleeping off my depression
Depression is saying “tomorrow I’ll do that” every tomorrow
Depression is laying in bed starving but not caring enough to get up
Depression is pushing away the people who are trying to show their love
Depression is your room looking like a tornado went through it
red flags dancing in the storm you caused
mentioning high tide or danger
"take cover, find safety"
is what they were screaming
I decided to stick around to fight off Mother Nature
but there's no fighting Mother Nature
your idea was made up
lies already formed behind the curtains of your shower
when I was dreaming of better things
An “accidental” download
accompanied with fast words and pictures
Frantic, but for what?
The truth or a black lie?
It is no business of mine what you do in your spare time
It’s only the whole family you will break
My father will slip away
Family events will decay
Along with the love that we all once adored.
Oh mother dear,
Why is it that what you fear
Is what you befriend to escape what is non existent
Now this secret I must keep
That will stew inside me deep
Not willing to ruin everyone else’s day
My body somehow knows
The grief tomorrow holds.
I ache and throb
But I cannot sob;
The urge to cry
Stings my eyes.
My feet drag heavily
In the depths of this valley.
Every year without fail
I remind myself I am too frail.
"You're strong without the numbers,"
Yet I was too weak to pull you from your slumber.
Each March 22nd
Feels just like the 1st end,
When your heart stopped beating
And mine started bleeding.
I'd skip this whole day
But I'd miss the chance to say:
I miss you, lovely little hurricane.
It's all I can do to keep sane.
The smell of mint
Hurts just a hint.
The skinny jeans and hair bows
I could never disown.
I wear your effect
On my forearm *****.
The pain of loss is akin
To etching you into my skin.
My hands shake with cold,
Though not as cold as a headstone.
Oh, how my body knows
The grief tomorrow holds.
In Loving Memory of Kelcy Golling.
07/02/1999 - 03/22/2014
One bottle of wine all to myself
Didnt even need a glass
Just drank straight out of the bottle
Not one person aware
Just as I prefer it
Im sure it will come to a head
As soon as my tongue touches that one drop
that will push my limit
Everyone will hear it time and time again
Cant keep it bottled up
But for now, I'll keep the bottle up
Don't want to talk just yet, but it will allll come out eventually
Saying hello with a bright smile and welcoming eyes
How did I get so good at pretending
My insides are on fire
I could burn this whole place down
For the sake of everyone on their highs,
put holes in these walls with my angry fists
yell at the undeserving
until it becomes my reality
I have mastered being fake happy