My mother on Christmas
Bitter over wine and a stronghold
That pulls her over the edge
Screaming in a restaurant
In an intimate setting
The full course meal
On the table
And the core issue
Placed at the center
Sitting across from me
Sitting within me
A collapsed mother
An unmothered mother
Complex
Demanding to be felt
Demanding to heal
The illusion is real
Forcing her to hug me
She kept shoving me off
Like my father was beating her
A memory she spends lots of time with
I locked in
And she somehow sent me
To the ground
I picked myself up
And closed my body
Around her again
Until the fight out of her eyes
Blew out and she cried
And I looked through her
And said,
"You are an amazing human being
Thank you for everything
I desire your growth"
Unconditional love
That's what it takes
And she broke

His freckled fingers tickle silver chords;

His blessed talent flourishes brightly.

hands like fireworks blazing music soars,

I’m always desperate to hold them tightly.

Michael’s smile illuminates the sky

As handsome gestures strum the universe.

With lips quiet, he is one charming guy!

I pray that we will nevermore disperse!

Yet outside aura does not compare to

His beating heart within to share the truth.

A helpful man and open to pursue

One silly lady with love and “I-do.”

Delightful he is outside and inside,

How honoring it is to be his bride!

I have no more inspiration.
A forced line...
Trying to describe my love for you...I come to a blank.
And that's when you know a poet it truly in love. They take your words away as well as your breath. You love them unconditionally to the point you cant romanticize it down on paper anymore because the magic you feel and see when you're with them cant be described.
The words you force for them are sub-par and inadequate.
The poems are an unwritten scripture to the one you worship in the bedroom.

* * *
baby girl
grown up now
again on her own
magnificent in her being
has become a tortured soul

some things don't seem fair
shouldn't have happened this way
are things as they should be?
that's what the wise ones say

watching your
sweet love child struggle
to make it through each day
such heart break to see a life
unfold this way

I hope and I pray
I hope and pray each and every day
she will choose this life
that she will choose to stay



Copyright © 2014 Christi Michaels.
All Rights Reserved.

Velvety smooth like cocoa butter voice,
In strength and poise you honour and bask,
Just to hear you laugh being silly is my task,
In your arms I'd want to be forever if I had a choice.
Beautiful inside and out, you've brought being a gentleman back in fashion,
Everyday is a joy with you that keeps getting better,
Always reassuring and sweet with your words and actions,
Reigniting fiery flames whenever we're together.

Shalini Nayar
27.11.14
(C) 2014

They understand you.
They accept you.
They make fun of you.
They compliment you.
They are thankful for you.
They love you.
They are your friends.

All that glitters never meant much to me,
Petals fall & fade, withering along with time like its temporary immortality,
Money joining suit in its temporary fervour, but never buying love as the Beatles crooned.

So let me tell you what does:

The look on your face when I've made you happy with a surprise or two;
The sound of your laughter reverberating through the air as I cowl in my witty silly remarks;
The mental connection that pleasantly astounds me with every thought-stealing line and mirrored gestures-humour-reaction-action;
How your words has awaken the inner dormant writer/poet and inspired to put my venomous quill to paper again;
How you make me feel beautiful, appreciated and respected, just the way I am;
Your empathy and understanding that chase the dark clouds away and silence my demons;
The way we make love with the glances we exchange in public like there's no one around;
The way we make love with our bodies, explorative archaeologists tracing each other's landscapes gently-sweetly-devilishly;
How you claim my arm across, intertwining with yours, caressing it as if it's a part of you;
When your palm holds my face lovingly while we exchange sweet kisses, nibbles and all;
Blowing soft breaths onto our goosebumpy skins, whispering how much we love each other;
Cheekily stealing smooches at traffic light stops which never seem to be long enough;
Resting your head on my sturdy shoulder as I cushion mine into yours, christening it with my lips,
As we serenade that BSB song transporting me back to 14 again.

And the realization pierces me through like truth always does:

That I would not trade any moment, any era, any wish, any desire
Than the one right now with you that has headily grasped me so:
A dizzying cocktail of drugs that is you.

Shalini Nayar
31.10.14
(c) 2014

Whenever I am alone with you,
You make me feel like I am whole again,
Deskinned bare for my bear, only my truest self left to see,
And I can't bear to lose him in any circumstance.

He loves me for all the imperfections that make the perfect me,
Never flinching when tears are brimming my eyes,
His unwavering strength carries me through this perfect rain storm of sorts.

I know the Universe didn't conjure this up for naught,
So to the powers that be I plead, commiserate,
That the truth shall prevail and always reign.

Shalini Nayar
25.10.14
(c) 2014

Conditional beyond reasonable
Is how our relationship sometimes feels...
More often than I'd care to admit.

My love is unconditional
And, therefore, can be easily used (abused?)
The value forgotten or blinded whenever I act human, imperfect, fragile or broken... Inconvenient I am. So are we all.
Where does your anger come from?

Taken for granted
Until you find something YOU miss.
Over and over again, this cycle persists...

Only according to your terms
Only if convenient
Only if it serves your sole purpose
Only if maintenance-free
Only if easy... Perfect... Not too much trouble...

UNTIL there is something you need...
From me.
Yes, boundaries are a necessity.

But relationships based on
Convenience for oneself
Are not relationships, at all..
They are one-way streets
Serving one person's agenda

Controlling, manipulative, self-serving, emotional toil...
And, somehow, always justifiable (in your eyes)
Because I am not who you want me to be...

I don't fit your "ideal" mold.
And you feel that is what you are owed?
(I honestly don't know...)
Except when you feel alone, afraid, or empty.
You don't dare lose what you can use! (abuse?)

But dare I say or do something amiss...
Your "conditions" will persist.
How do I say "stop!" when my role is to love, protect, and forgive?

Pain. What to do with all the pain.
If I tell, I will be blamed for my pain causing your pain...
This, my love, is NOT love.
No relationship of substance exists
When such rules and expectations persist.