Who build this wall between us
Without us realizing
It's growing day by day
I couldn't find the way to break it.
Maybe I am the one who is trying.
Can't you extend your hand little?

I could use a hand sometimes...
I am only human
So imperfect
So strange
Yet so much like others that it scares me;
On some levels.

On most, we are as unalike as day and night
As sky is to sea
Or as large is to shrimp.

I fall down
I get hurt
So easily
But nobody can see...

Being left out in the dark,
Being punched in the face,
Stabbed in the back,
Kicked to the curb,
Even so far as demonized...

Then again; was I not a demon all along?
That's what they keep telling me
Branding me with this thing...
This parasite that has burrowed deep within,
And won't stop until it has consumed me entirely.

- Jay M
April 2nd, 2019

Bracing for battle in the night,
Fighting because I know I cannot hide,
Forever I shall be chased for my lies...

I'm not fine,
I'm not alright,
I'm running scared...
Of myself.

It's just a game of waiting;
Take the pills,
Feel better now,
Feel better now,
You'll be better by tomorrow...

Weeks go by,
No, months,
No change...

Take a hit,
Shoot me down,
I'd rather die than give up the fight...
Wait..or are those the same thing?

I'm not scared to shed a little blood,
This time I won't let go,
Not now,
I won't go down slow,
Not with this sinking ship,
This sinking feeling...

Let it go,
Keep trying,
Slash it off,
Won't wave my white flag,
Won't let them take over just yet,
Drag on just for them,
See how they like it.

- Jay M
April 1st, 2019

A simple distraction
A week long attraction
Directed my attention from the one that couldn’t happen
Little infatuation
Oh **** I’m saying his name again
You calling on my cellphone is enough to forget him

I slip between the boundaries
I wonder if I’m bothering
And every time I see his tribe I know that this is foreign tea

You were the perfect plaything
He holds my heart in pieces
And now I know that loving him hasn’t disappeared for a second

“You have to be strong”
“You are not trying hard enough”

You m-o-t-h-e-r-*******-e-r.

Do you think I want to drown myself in self-destructive thoughts?
Do you think I want to spend every night wide awake trembling with fear?

I am literally doing everything I can.
Even when every fibre of my being wants to give up and just die.

Thank you for adding more guilt and making me feel even more worthless.

You ignorant and judgemental piece of *******.

27/03/2019

There are some days that are better than others.
There are some days that hurt.
Some that heal.
Some that rip you apart from the inside out.
Some that feel like nothing could sour your feelings but it’s all lies.
Indifference is a blessing.
Ignorance is a curse.
Knowledge isn’t power, it just makes you feel worse.
Being too depressed, too suicidal, too manic to function is draining in the worst way.
Sometimes you just want to be happy but that isn’t always the case.
Sometimes you just want to cry your heart out but it’s just a waste.
Sometimes you want to live and survive; sometimes you want to die and end it all.
Living for something or living for nothing matters not.
It’s the functionality, the purpose you serve to yourself that does.
This too shall pass but alas, in its fleeting moments it is almost unbearable.
“Maybe,” you say, it’s but a whisper.
You know that you’ll be okay someday; just not today.
Let’s try again tomorrow.