its been so long since I’ve written you down
and since, there have been other you’s that have
come and gone
like these seasons,
steady

so now it is Fall again,
the time last year during which my heart was aching
as you vanished from my side;
I stopped and watched as
you went;
you went so
slowly

i stand now, still abandoned
like a tree from its leaves
but I do stand,
and I wonder what you’re doing now,
but only for a moment
before I continue walking;
listening
as the leaves that were silenced
crunch beneath my sentimental feet.

You fell in love with the way
the leaves fell from the tree's.
The way they were all beautiful,
as soon as they were leaf free.
They were bare and left vulnerable,
their branches like stiff fingers.
Looking as if trying to grasp,
their old life before winter.
You always loved the broken.
Or the ones that needed to be cared for.
And what you never seemed to have realized
was that those tree's were neither.
They didn't need your help.
For they already had a life goal.
To come back after winter,
So much stronger than before.
When you saw this you were disappointed.
And that's when I finally got it.
All this time it wasn't about fixing others,
But about stitching your own split.
You spent so long looking in others,
for a brokenness like yours.
Thinking that if you helped them fix it,
then maybe you could wipe your own tears.
But, darling, I'm here to tell you,
that your approach is all wrong.
You are actually like those bare trees.
For you've been whole all along.

By Arcassin Burnham

The sober thought of feeling something again
In circling around your mind like the sand in an
Hour glass,
Watching the seasons pass and not maintaining
The erge to even count the days when you were
Normal facing the end of a flask
Give me another dose,
A dose of what is real and what vacant,
Looking for a soul thats been lost for decade and still comes from
A broke family with no type of investment plan to better futures,
Be careful what banks you trust,
It was simple enough to me that things I have been taught were always
Inconsistent lingering the real facts and leaving me in a state of confusion,
Not to say I'm dumb, but I question it sometimes,
Mom's not giving a **** and you think that will reflect on my kids?!
You're sadly mistaken, taking everything that my family does to me
And never punish my own with it,
Never choosing favorites while multitasking it,
There won't ever be a dull moment, not for a second....

You keep me grounded like a tree
Your roots, they nourish and bind me
To this plot of earth on which I stand
You're worth more than every grain of sand

Beneath the gulmohar tree
In flamboyant love
A tale of our desires
Coloring each other
A bright vermillion
Under his crimson spread
Shaded in blissful haven.

Reaching for his branches
Clasping, holding
Climbing, swinging
Chasing, laughing
Under a bright shower of scarlet petals
Of hearts and heat, of love and life
Blooms of a scorching Indian summer.

In flames, his vibrant burning crown
His canopy, flaunting festive tangerine blossoms
Crinkled teasing petals
One upright
Of quaint innocence in white
Splashed with  feisty passion's red
Celebrating and anticipating
In celebration of us, our love
Anticipating rain..
As his branches reach high for promising dark clouds.

Serenading with the music of the monsoons
Moist leaves of the gulmohar glisten
With wind and water, in gentle rhythm
Raindrops nestle for a moment
Before sliding, slipping
On damp, satiated earth
Strewn bright with scattered orange petals
Of the gulmohar
Drenched and soaked like us.

My facade was so strong you called me. friend.
I guess it was just meant to be a bitter end.
But when your whole movie is made of sunshine and rainbows.
It has to be violent for the sake of show.
I spent so long in hiding like in bitter captivity.
Pretending not to be lost in your pull like gravity.
You made me smiley and all warm inside
Lost on your letters trying to hide.
But then i told you the truth trying to set myself free.
Then you backed off and brached out like a tree.
Your roots came up and we both went down.
All i said was i love you but you didnt see it my way.
The only thing you could think of was how to get rid of me now that you know im...gay.

I.

Life is crazy
In the sense that we can find love over and over
In the sense that we lose life in a matter of seconds
We arguing about money we don’t really need
While others are suffering from a lack of accessibility
My teacher taught me with enough detail you can recreate the sensation of when you first sink into an apple and it’s juices burst from within.
Beautiful and sweet,
Sometimes when they’re so ripe you can feel it tingle in your cheeks.
Chunks of delicious fruit being minced by my teeth.
Just like back in the day,
sitting in class in front of fresh apple slices and a side of peanut butter.
It was so simple then,
but now we all feel a little weighed down by the pressure from life’s various complications.
Responsibilities passed down from our parents
meant intentionally or not.
Dangers of our environment,
brothers and sisters losing their ability to hold their mothers.
Worry some how much my children might see when I’m gone.
rainbows and sunshine
some things from my childhood that still enlightens me.
A rarity and reminder that the sun will shine again tomorrow.
Let me borrow your light when I’m lost in my dark spaces.
Tracing my fingertips against the rough rocky walls,
looking for a way out,
looking for signs of life.
A slight glimmer.
Look there in the distance how it glimmers.
Bring me back when I’ve lost my way.
Illuminate my eyes as if I’m being graced by the dawns first light.
My friends seem to guide me the same,
on days I hadn’t even realized I had been locked within my own temple too long,
scheming on the outcome of this trial.
Back and forth, pacing in haste as I worry in a perpetual way,
where the hell I belong in a world like this?

II.

Look me in my eyes.
Heavily brown
Welling up
Deep blue swimming pools.
I get lost in and forget how to swim
Head under water
Suffocating over thoughts of you.
I give too much to you.
All this love for you.
Unrequited
Or maybe just misunderstood
Her eyes just like mine
But darkened with time
Very rare that she smiles
Delicate calloused hands
Long days and longer nights
Working for everybody but the girl in the mirror
I know it may look like there’s no end in sight
But when you focus on you and only you
There’s no doubt in my mind you’ll find the joy you lost
Scary thing,
When money becomes the most important
And everything else is out of focus.
Just going thru the motions.
Wishing you could turn back the hands of time.
III.

It’s harder to believe in love once you grow up
Our perspectives change drastically depending upon what it is that we see.
Not many people have what we used to call “traditional” families
And yet end up having the most compassionate and caring of hearts.
I’ve always put so much into others,
My mother taught me that,
It’s scary to think how a like we are at times.
She also taught me that you must care for yourself
Because no one has the obligation to care for you.
Just love those who love you
Because they are a rare treasure.
Metaphorically tethered to each other’s hearts
Look how easily people become important parts of each other’s lives
Sadly we can just as easily watch as they fade
Life is complicated, we all come and go with the seasons
The same way we may meet a soul that may make an impact for whatever reason
Pick your encounters, and learn from them
Always strive to be a better you
And want to understand and love yourself better too
Because if you don’t who will?
I tell you for a fact that’s real!
It takes a “real one” to understand how I feel
But I’ve stopped looking, I’m just living and having fun
Just looking forward to more days like this basking in the sun
and writing stories in the moonlight
Occasionally taking my pencil as my pilot
Just to test the heights of how far my imagination could reach
Hot on my trail, follow me into infinity
I want you to see in clarity everything I can see
In the hopes I can relay this message perfectly
Give it your all
No shame if you fall
How can you stand tall?
If you don’t answer the call.

The tree
tall and wide
with thick canopies
with so much of life and music

The tree
with thick branches
with thick green leaves ..
with nests and birds of various flocks
with so much life and music

The tree
with thick shadows
with cool underneath
with the travellors and children
playing and resting underneath
with so much life and music

The tree
swaying and singing
safe haven for little birds and insects
a whole eco system of innumerable species
with so much life and music.

The cyclone
with brutal force and might
destroying everything in their sight
devastating homes and trees and transformers

The tree
with its limbs/branches broken off
the cracking of branches and
with nests flown away and birds as refugees
the life and music transforming to an eerie silence.

Months pass by
Small shoots from the half broken branches
Rising and twisting up..
with the birds once again flocking to the tree
with life and music again..

On a quest to lose myself
In a wilderness of disbelief
An unknown path to nowhere
Stumbling on the hidden roots
I was brought to my knees

Before a boiling frustration
and held back tears could overwhelm
the forest tendrils tended to me
A blanket of foliage became a womb
As a child, I returned to her

Standing what seemed forever
Above the canopies of trees
Lay a trunk of stone, worn
The marvel was magic
A fallen oak, which was life

The barren love, was feint
And she was still dying
Tending to her children
Even on the brink of extinction
We cried and I woke up.