a year in review
I reread all my haikus
there's less about you
"This year, I got you
a reminder of all the
time wasted on me."
When you haven't talked to that toxic person in a long time and you're finally starting to feel better and then for your birthday, their present to you is ruining your day?
That's what this is about.
it's slow like the syrup I
drowned the waffles
my mom used to make on
Sunday mornings in
the way you tilted me sideways
and let my sighs build up on the
plate’s edge only to drop me
at the last second
and let the puddle settle
before tipping me once again
10 pm in front of Chipotle
and you said, this is my [rusty] Chevy [something],
which had a radio that played exceptional static
for us to tune out on the trek to Mount Washington.
It was raining, but we had already driven all that way
and so we stood outside anyways
in the low hanging clouds above Pittsburgh.
I said, I’ve never been on a date
with a girl before.
And you said, is it everything you thought it’d be?
And with that
we decided to see who could throw a rock the farthest
[which you won]
and who could name more constellations
[which nobody won, because there
were no stars in sight on that Tuesday night].
Then the couple next to us left
and a new one arrived
and the blanket of fog temporarily lifted
to reveal the UPMC logo.
We watched as the number of tiny office lights
diminished, looking a little bit like an end of the world
power outage in slow motion—
and we silently shrunk in the weight of the moment
as the Earth turned and dragged the seconds along,
and the water of the Allegheny and Monongahela
merged into the Ohio the way our bodies connected at the hands;
two posterchildlesbians showing a city
first date magic, a homage to a tony hoagland poem i once read
My girl has the gravity of Saturn
Endless layers I have yet to discover
Her eyes, a smeared palette of every color
A surface it’s easy to get lost on
One large ring I often fantasize about
Wearing on my finger
my first girlfriend
i don't know
why he calls himself
being kinda thin,
bright and joyful
like the few of those
that I've met before
the humanized sound
he has a piano tattoo
drawn all over
and white keys
tied with too sensitive strings
by his flesh
straight to his brain
vibrating the bursting
every time I try to find
the right key of his own tune
on an instrument
i’ve always wished
to play like a pro.
My facade was so strong you called me. friend.
I guess it was just meant to be a bitter end.
But when your whole movie is made of sunshine and rainbows.
It has to be violent for the sake of show.
I spent so long in hiding like in bitter captivity.
Pretending not to be lost in your pull like gravity.
You made me smiley and all warm inside
Lost on your letters trying to hide.
But then i told you the truth trying to set myself free.
Then you backed off and brached out like a tree.
Your roots came up and we both went down.
All i said was i love you but you didnt see it my way.
The only thing you could think of was how to get rid of me now that you know im...***.
Take out my heart
and fill the hole
with a sweet ****-
take several bites
and stay through the night.
Take off my lips
and put them on your hips-
steal my finger prints
and get me in to trouble.
Pull out my teeth
and make a bite-mark necklace-
pull out my tongue
and make a broach
pinned over your left ******.
Remove my hands
and use them as wash rags
as you bathe in the tub-
take my body
and use it as a towel to dry yourself off.
Take my soul
and use it as a blanket to keep warm
as we drift off to sleep.
Written by Matthew Allan Cuellar
— The End —