My darling.... are you ever confronted with the universal truth that you won’t ever sink to the bottom of the ocean?
Have you ever been confronted with the fact that you won’t ever touch the validation you seek?
And as you reach the tiled pool floor and you brace yourself
Your skin says no
Like an oily layer you slip and slide back up
Now as you speak to me your voice quivers as if, you never had even touched the thick water before
My darling there is a science to art
And as my density shakes like your lips whenever you become small and fall to the floor, I wonder why I keep fighting for something you just won’t give up.
maybe you truly are a scientist
And as lips touch,
the waves of the ocean cover us and we sink slowly but surely
finally
Maybe if I jump head first I’ll be worthy enough,
If I make a big enough mess,
a disaster,
maybe if I scratch the surface, or even throw a fit,
I can really be noticed
Maybe if I dance in the hearts of mankind, dance in your shaking veins as I try my hardest to trust you, to give in
maybe then I’ll hit the bottom of the ocean
But I sink because of pressure
I sink because you tell me to
I sink because I want to silence my thoughts
I sink because I want to stay in this moment
Where the vibrations of your mockery and foolishness can never dream of reaching me
I sink because I don’t want to swim
I sink because I want to reach the bottom of this ocean.
Maybe then I’ll touch the feeling of being wanted,
The eerie silence hugging me tighter and tighter, holding me like a new mother holds her child, wanting to shield them from the world.
But in the pool water I only float quickly back to earth
To life
I hate leaving the quiet waters
As my body enters the real abyss I breathe the cold air into my lungs and I scream-
I scream to be heard
I scream to silence these useless memories
I scream to be known
I scream for you to see
I scream for all that was lost
I scream so that you can wake up
I scream for worthiness- I scream to trust.
I scream so that maybe these bubbles won’t surface
I scream for the waves to carry my sighs
I sigh for the ocean to carry my screams.
And I scream to find my voice.
And that I too may
May hit the bottom of the floor
It may be a universal truth that I will never reach the perfection I seek
It may be my death wish, and I am doomed to fail
But I will still wish that maybe,
Maybe I too
Will be told
That science is an art
And I too can be an artist.
My first poem! I would love if you could possibly leave a comment with feedback, I would really appreciate it!
