I take in your love like fossil fuels

The guilt will **** me faster than
The illness
I wonder what it’d be like to be free
From all of this
Where would you put the sun
If you did not have to hold it up
For me
Every day
Would you rest?

How far more can we walk together?
I want to walk with you just last one time with the same old feelings

Our smile will be the sweetest
And I’ll be the happiest the girl

But I’m not the girl that you wanted
want you to notice me but you notice her instead

Just know that I’ve been waiting painfully

I hate it that I’m been unstable for quite some time and I really hope you’re not the reason why

I don’t want to blame you, all you did is gave me the best but I took granted for it.

Now you’re looking happier than before
I’m glad you’re fine but I’m not

If the time can rewind
I promise I’ll make you the happiest

Thank you for making a huge impact in my life
In a great way because I really enjoyed those days with you.

it rains outside, the grey sky provides
a comfort here at home, the linen wraps around
my skin. i find solace in this melancholy
the tiredness controls every move i make

the rats are asleep in their cage
the warmth my body feels whenever we text
a conversation to last an eternity
and the distance feels like nothing

Teresa!?!

               ~Tanner!
               Terribly
               Tardy?

Ticktock ;)

              ~Time?

T-minus
10
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
2
-
12:00am!

­               ~2020!!!

2020!!!
Tequila
Toast!

               ~Tequilla
               Toast—
               To
               2020!!!

To
2020!!!

               ~Terviseks!

Terviseks!

               ~Tasty :)

Tequilla
Tesoro

               ~Tesoro?

Translated
"Treasure"

               ~Tasty
               Treasure ;)

Top-notch!

               ~Tip-top!

(tender
touch...)

               ~Terrific
               Timing :)

Terrific
Time...

               ~Totally

Thoughts?

              ~Tired

Terrible
Timing :(

               ~Terribly
               Tuckered.

Together
Tonight?


              ~Together
          ­     Tomorrow?

Together
Today!
12:00pm :)

               ~That's
               True!
               Today,
               12:00pm :)

Terrific!

               ~Till
               Then—
               Tootles!


© 2020 by Mark Toney. All rights reserved.

I died when my mom forgot my birthday.
I died when she made me feel like i didnt matter, and that nobody could ever love me.

I died everytime I saw just how tired my dad was when he got home from work. And how hard he tried to provide for all of us.

I died when the people i cared about the most in my life moved away. And every single one of them left me here to rot. Never once did they actually care, and i dont think they ever will.

I died when i looked in the mirror. Everytime having to be reminded about the way that i look. Being forced to try to accept the fact that i look this way.

I died when they used to hit me and push me to ground because im small.

I died when everyone laughed at me and called me ugly. When they would whisper and stare at me at all times. When even though i could never control these things, they still thought it was funny as hell to laugh at.

I died everytime i drove past my old house. The house that held all the memories of my past happiness. Where i could go to sleep peacefully without crying before. When i could go out into the world without having to put on a fake face

There is so much more. But i just cant right now. Im sorry. Im just so tired.

tw: self harm


My mind isn’t right
I can’t think
What... what did I do...
There’s blood on my wrist
From slice after slice

I was getting too used to it...
Had to change direction
Change location
Bleed somewhere else
To ensure it would hurt
Because it’s something.
I needed to feel something.

Now I’m drowsy
My gauze-wrapped wrist stings
And I finally feel
I’ve got what I deserved