The pain seeps deep into my bones
The sharp nails scratch at my mind
I don’t even understand what I can’t escape
My soul screams
Who have I become?
Why am I here?
Am I truly real?
Or is this all just an illusion
I will never be able to awaken from
I shake and try to piece things together
But everytime my mind sinks in too deep, my lungs begin to suffocate
And my hands start to sweat
How I hate being left to myself, it seems I can never be alone to think
Make. It. Stop.
I’m not sure if this even makes sense to anyone, but right now this makes perfect sense to me.
For a moment I felt okay
Euphoric, even, in every way
But it can’t last forever
The next day the pain is back and once again we are severed
i say i’m fine
but you should see me
late at night
your body is my compass,
and its leading me down a fragmented path,
but i dont care because its everything ive ever required.
i follow your map to places ive never seen before
and its horrifying
all this reliance i waste on you,
because you dont care where you are taking me,
and you never really cared.
you continue to lead me to nowhere
Lost, alone and terrified
In solitude I forever will confide
Maybe I will just end it with suicide
Everything will be better if I just died
All those voices in my head
All the tears I may have shed
I’ve got fear and anxiety, disgust and dread
I sank in darkness while I lay in bed
I just can’t take it anymore
This uneasy feeling, I never can ignore
Go back to the corner with pain and sore
Enticing myself with blood and gore
My soul corrupted, my faith all gone
It’s too late to save me, I am done
oh the clock ticks
towards my departure
i’m terrified and excited
oh, how hard it is
to understand how
My visa got approved!! I’m so excited to leave my home town (hopefully along with some of this drama too lol)
Late night texts
Tear filled eyes
there's a reason why its called a crush
I am terrified to let you know how I really feel
But time is spinning forward faster than a wheel
Each day that passes is another chance I lose
Cowardly silence is what I always seem to choose
For what if I let my polished surface crack?
Only to discover you don't love me back?
So I act indifferent, like I don't care at all
Determined not to be the first to text or call
I'm safer with you thinking I don't give a ****
You have no idea how badly I'm stuck
Controlled by the fear of getting hurt once more
That's what happened when I shared feelings before
But they keep growing, I have nowhere to hide
They have almos filled me up completely inside
And I start to wonder how much longer
I'm able to pretend these emotions aren't stronger..
I'll admit I'm scared to tell you what is inside my heart
But which am I more afraid of? Being real? Or being apart?
Just something I've been holding in. I actually wrote this today, crazy huh?