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Arabella B Sep 2019
Sitting on her dorm room bed
Three feet from the floor
Not quite happy
But not quite sad
She wants to feel the ache in her bones
The hatred she has for herself
She wants that to come back
she doesn’t want to feel ok
Cause she’s not
Trying to make that decision
To walkout in the middle of the night
While her room mate sleeps
And to never come back
She’s ok right now
But she wants that sadness
The depression to fill her bones
She wishes she could pull the metaphorical trigger
And not live
Oh how she aches
To just want to not be ok anymore
Because when you’re not ok
You feel alive
Or at least she does
It’s terrible beast
She hates when she’s ok but hates when she’s sad
She just wishes she could not exist
That would be her ultimate goal
She types this in the dark as her roommate drifts off to sleep
I know cause that girl is me
Arabella B Mar 2019
Oh I wish I had a new hobby
I wish I was like others
everyone does such cool things
while I sit on my **** and do nothing
I try to do a hobby, or two but none excite me like they used to
So this is where I ask the people
Please help me with this task
what are somethings you do to help the time pass?
Arabella B Feb 2019
Happiness comes in the smallest of forms
Whether it be by simple words such as hello
or a simple gesture like a hug
Happiness comes when we all least expect it
As if the universe is trying make up for all the bad it has done you wrong
Arabella B Jan 2019
I just sit there and think as they laugh and choose others to talk to over me.
I just think there and think when will I become someone’s number one
And only one word comes to mind
Never
Arabella B Sep 2018
My parents left late at night
Driving to my mom's parent's house
I feared for the worse
That I would lose my poppy
Never in my wildest dreams would I think I'd lose you
There is so much I want to say
To do with you
You promised you'd teach me to drive
A promise I still hold to you
but now you are gone
I know you are proud of me
I will try to keep my head up high
I love you so much
I know you will forever be looking out for me
As you soar above the clouds
And goof around with the rest of the family
I love you dearly
and I know I didn't see you a lot
I know work was important
You will forever be my fun cool Uncle
And I will always share the stories of you I have
Rest in Peace Uncle Adam
Heaven has gained another angel
Arabella B Jun 2018
It takes away those we love
As we sleep peacefully in our beds
Unable to hear their tormented screams
Until it is too late
Suicide has been a big topic in my life recently. I have lost people i love to it.
Arabella B Apr 2018
Today I got my license
and this year also marks the 4th year
without either of you
When I was practicing
I drove by your house
The house I called a Home
for 3 years of my life
It was in shambles
The vines I knew that would cause trouble
have overgrown and blocked the stairs up into the house
The grass is overgrown
and Mother nature is taking back what once was hers

I saw his truck
parked in its usual spot
but there was a hole
where her car should be
Tears pricked at my eyes
to see the house I called my second home
to be like this
Overgrown and forgotten by the family
that once lived there

You tried to keep me in your life
even when your daughter tried to throw me away
Because to you
I was never your daughter's friend
but I was a family member from a different family

I wish I could show you my achievments
Hear your voice again
I wish I could go back in time to
when I was happy with just
laying around
and not having to worry about life
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