Egbert: my best friend
What secrets do you hide
In the glowing warmth of your orb?


You hung from the ceiling,
Allowed us to roll a
Joint

When darkness beckoned,
You illuminated. One euphoric conflagration of immense joy.

You remain with us.
When others approached
You welcomed. Yet,
You remained loyal.
You will remain loyal
Forever.

You've taken me this far, now
Take me
All the way to Kochstraße.

I am not yet who I am supposed to be.

I have a past; I have regrets.
And there are words that I'd love to take back.

Shame can take me places I wish not to be.
Those things that I have done come creeping back to me.

I feel like a child who's lost and alone. I never feel safe, I never feel at home.

My eyes are blind, can this be? I feel like a prisoner who won't be set free.

© Melissa Carlson 2015

You think that I'm depressed
and I guess that your rite
but even them who will hear me cry at night?
All I do is mess it all up
at lest that's what you said
But mom I still love you
even if you don't want me to be near you
You gave all the fight you had left as you gave your final breath
Mom don't levee me no matter how much you hate me
I will always be your daughter
even without a father
I never wanted the perfect life
I only wanted to make it threw the night
Like a bird in flight
I  am slowly loosing direction
because no matter how far I fly
I cant ever get some sleep at night
so mom if your listening
I want you to know I sing
for all those times you wished you could buy me a birthday cake
instead you had to pay so our house they wouldn't take
now I'm running from some self hate
ill meet you at heavens gate

We love to **** what we can't have,
every touch, every taste,
is just something we can take.

We love to take what we don't need,
all the love in the world,
is never enough for me.

If a gaping hole were to appear,
in the middle of our atmosphere,
and take me far away from here,
I'd leave in a heartbeat.

But I'm stuck down here on Earth,
stuck here questioning my worth,
while someone tells me I'm the worst,
they call this living.

But I would **** just to make you feel,
I don't care that you're happier than me.
I would take all the love you have,
just so you could feel the way I feel.

I am complex
A  heart torn apart but not broken
My kindness is my weakness
I always aim for change
I battle so much in my life
The tears burn my skin
I  dream of love in  a cold world
I am love or hate me but to love me is too see my soul
I am judged by many but many don't  see  the image which is me
I not from any other mold
i am coconut looking for  his tree
This is me a  nut shell stuck in this dream which is me

just close your eyes sweetie
take a breath to remember
for you will never open them again
take in the smell of the grass
the color of the sky
but ignore the mushroom cloud penetrating nearby
forget the mask on your face
forget your hazy gaze
but remember the lone flowers swaying sickly
awaiting for thier end to come
remember your tree
whose leaves are falling
as if it was fall
yet it is spring
remember your dog, not knowing the impending doom
who still sits by your side and waggs his tail
looking up to you
remember the smiles on your mothers face
the laughter from her throat
but forget the solemn look on her face
as she gazes into the distance
seeing the wave of destruction approach
remember your father as the man he was
not the coward who fled
you can only remember the best my love
for if you dont
you will not live on in your head
remember only the good things about you dear
your wide hips
slender curves
well fed cheeks
not the scars that reach across your skin
scratching to get out from inside
remember the smiles you had on your face
not the tears gliding down with little grace
remember your gutteral laughter as a beautiful thing
not something to be ashamed of my love
think not of your younger sibling
still an infant in your mothers arms
for lost children are to be mourned
think not of what they could have done
just think of thier cute cheeks
think of them as now, not could be, not could have been
time is running out my love
walk, calm and slow to your bed
looking back at the place you call home
and take your teddy
clutched in your tight grip
and lay in the bed with your mother
tuck the covers up to your chin
and close your eyes
for now you may allow your tears to fall
and to curl into your mother
your infant sibling between you two
remember now as just a nap
a nap forever
to never wake up from
close your eyes my dear
do not let the cloud moving at incredible speeds scare you
for it is just a dense, deadly fog
your eyes close
as the grip on teddy tightens
your mothers grip on the two of you become desperate
and as your teardrop hits the pillow
you descintigrate
into the unknown
but my dear
you can always hold my hand
and remember
i will guide you through oblivion

Always there are moments in time
whenever you wish you could rewind
take away those moments from fact,
from your memory--
relive them in the way
you'd wished them to be--
but reality sets in
and you have to realize
that no matter how many times
you tell yourself the lies,
you have to live the truth,
the stark reality
that is borne of now
and what is simply meant
to be.
But always there are those moments in time
when you ache to take away
what is meant to be
and turn it into something
that will not just help,
but set your life, your soul
completely free...

Close your eyes.
Pretend you're somewhere you're not
Maybe even someone you're not.

Think of something that gets you high,
Makes you fly,
Lets you soar through the sky.

That's where you'll find me.
A ray of shine on a cloudy day
Offering a hand to hold.

But it's a mistake,
You begin to shake,
And it's your soul I take.

Stay where you are.
I think I see you,
Or, maybe, that isn't you.
I don't think its you.

Okay, keep on walking,
Come to me,
I'll stay where I am.
I'm next to the watch kiosk.

Are you on your way?
Okay, I'll stay here,
Come to me.

Okay, Its been about an hour.
Did you leave me?
It's okay if you did,
I'll just drive to your place.

I'm in my car now.
My phones almost dead
And my GPS is a *******
It doesn't work.
Whats your adress?
I'll try and get to your place.

I've been driving around
For too long.
I think I might just go home.
I'll see you tomorrow.
If You're not doing anything.
Oh, you're busy?
Thats okay, I am too actually.

Maybe next week then?
Okay.

I'll see you when I see you.

Broken old gravel
Not a fixed sight for travel
Masked faces
Walking to every lonely places
Not a beauty of buildings sites
Just living in horror and full of fright