mom? dad?
i’m drowning.
swimming towards the light above,
astringent tears fill my lungs.
mom? dad?
i can’t breathe.
miniscule doses of albuterol
escaping from my little plastic inhaler
stand meager in the eyes of the overly developed fear,
prying its way up the lengths of my throat.
mom? dad?
there’s a stranger in my room.
i stand in front of the mirror
waiting for my reflection;
waiting to see that little girl,
bright, blue eyes, wide smile.
but there’s a stranger there instead;
bloodshot eyes,
inflamed scores down her cheeks,
reaking of poor judgement and broken promises.
mom? dad?
i can’t hear the music.
the floor is varnished with broken cds,
torn-up sheets of abandoned lyrics,
mutilated “i love you”s;
but the record player is still on.
turning and turning
yet i don’t hear a single note,
my senses are paralyzed
by the blow of my demolished heart.
mom? dad?
they won’t stop talking.
people.
people in my head.
voices loud as they scream profanities,
soft as they whisper lullabies,
stern as they bellow punishments.
i can’t make sense
of those who twist and tug on my heart strings
and those who wish to elongate them.
i need out.
mom? dad?

I am a mere puppet
A meagre tool to be controlled
To achieve what they covet
I must do as I told

I am a wounded bird
The wings that I am proud of
Forcefully ripped by their words
Broken by their abusive love

I am an innocent prisoner*
Heavily chained, both my hands and feet
Dripping bloods of red, you get the picture
Can’t escape, trapped by their deceit

The things I never said are suffocating me.

This isn't easy.
Feeling isn't something familiar to me, yet I'm standing in the center of a broken dam.
Water rushing over me and flipping me from side to side.
I'm suffocating with a grin on my face.
Only so you don't ask if I ever learned to swim.
Of course I have.
No. No, I've never even let the tide kiss my toes.
I breathe in to let the air in my lungs be replaced with this unfamiliarity.
But I'll be ok.

there was no air in the room,
but somehow,
he made her breathe
                 (b.c)

I am so close
to saying goodbye,
to being finished
because I can't
live anymore.

I walk about
with a smile on my face
while my insides are being
ripped apart,
with a mask so heavy
it encases my body
so densely and restricting
while withering away
whatever is left inside
slowly killing it.

Drowned by your words
Suffocated by ink
Struggling for breath