When they asked if
We had gotten back together
I stuttered,
Unsure if I wanted to say
"I wish,"
Or
"Never Again,"

"The next speech to be given
Is one we need to hear
I'd like to call on William
Who has overcome his fear
William, please come forward
And take your place with me
And children, listen closely
As we let dear William be...."
William then ventured forth
From the back where he sat
He was dressed in a long jacket
And a worn out stove top hat
Before he started talking
More instructions were delivered
"Don't laugh, or talk or clap people...."
While at the front William shivered...
The class went deadly quiet
And William went to speak
No one could quite hear him
His voice was soft and meek
"Four Thcore and Theven yearth ago
Our fatherth brought forth
Upon thith continent
A new nathion, conthieved in liberty.."
William finished speaking
The class just sat there dumb
No one knew this William
From where had this one come
Each year in school since JK
Willaim rarely said a word
And if he ever answered
No one really heard
But today...today he was a hero
Standing proud in his black hat
He had stunned them into silence
Knocked them dead just where they sat
He practiced with the teacher
Every afternoon at home
He worked on words in secret
When he was sitting all alone
The Gettysburg Address
Never, sounded quite as great
As when recited by young William
This young man in grade eight
He had broken his long silence
As the year came to an close
By reciting Old Abe Lincoln
In his black and borrowed clothes
He'd defeated all his demons
Showed his lisp just who was king
Now he ventured into high school
And the worst that it could bring
The bell went off, class was dismissed
The silence was now burst
The children stood to exit
And they let William leave class first

I remember the bed just floating there.

Apart, apart, apart, apart.

If you repeat something over and over again it loses its meaning

For example:

Homework, homework, homework, homework, homework, homework, homework, homework, homework

See, nothing

Our existence?

It's the same way.

You watch the sun set too often, it just becomes 6 PM

You make the same mistake over and over

you'll stop calling it a mistake

If you just

wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up,

one day you'll forget why

Nothing is forever

I last saw my mom when I was four years old

Before the last argument they sent me off to the neighbor's house,

like some astronaut jettisoned from the shuttle.

When I came back there was no gravity in our home, beds floating

I imagined it as an accident, that when I left

We whispered to each other "I love you" so many times over

that they forgot what it meant

Family, family, family, family, family, family

If you repeat something over and over again it loses its meaning

This became my favorite game

It made the sting of words evaporate.

Separation, separation, separation;

see, nothing

Apart, apart, apart;

see, nothing

I am an injured person now

I work with words all day

Shut up, I know the irony

When I was young, I was taught that the trick to dominating language

was breaking it down

Convincing it that it was worthless

I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you..

...See, nothing

Soon after I left I developed a stutter

Fate is a cruel and efficient tutor

There is no escape in stutter

You feel the meaning of every word drag itself up your throat

S-s-s-separation

Stutter is a cage made of mirrors

Every "Are you ok?"

Every "What'd you say?"

Every "Come on kid, spit it out"

Is a glaring reflection you cannot escape

Every terrible moment skips upon its own announcement

Over and over until it just hangs there,

floating in the middle of the room

Mom, ........

....Dad?

I am not wasteful with my words anymore.

Even now after hundreds of hours of practicing away my stutter,

I still feel the claw of meaning in the bottom of my throat.

I have heard that even in space;

You can hear the scratching of a

I-I-I-I love you.

Here comes the policeman, tucking in his stomach, puffing up his chest. I play out what I'll say in my head, and try to clear the fear stirred up by a bad daydream. He calls to me, asks my name. I hand him my license, as I stutter at an  attempt to know what I've done wrong. He ignores me, and has me get out of my car. I try to keep calm, but it proved difficult, as I hadn't mentally prepared very well for this, and we've all seen the stories that always have been.
So I put my hands on my car and stay very still, but to my surprise I feel a slight sting as I graze the hood.
I was falling.

What had just happened? What was this eerie silence that filled the air? Why has this chaotic world suddenly come to a halt?
I began to feel sleepy after I struck the ground, a strange feeling of drowsiness and pain. Was I dying? There are lights, bright and obnoxious; I see one, no, two people lift me up, but it wasn't me. It couldn't have been me, because I was watching them go.

They were forgetting, they were leaving my life by the door.

*Please, come back.

Kiss my throat,
and taste the words
I long to say to you.

I might miss you—
Every hole in your jeans
And flyaway hair;
I might have saved that crooked smile,
Kept it close,
Carried it with me to the bus stop
And the bakery that makes my favorite egg sandwiches.
Maybe I counted every stutter, every heavy blink of your eyes as you fell asleep.

I might have stared your demons in the eye,
Kept them away during the night
(I've never been scared of the dark).
I could have kissed the scars on your hands,
The bruises on your knees.
It's possible you meant more to me
Than the autumn leaves
And the stars that stay frozen in place outside my window.

Maybe you knew me,
My bright lipstick and lack of self control,
The pale birthmark on my neck;
You might have memorized every curve of my lips,
Pensive sighs,
As I let you see the fear behind my wide blue eyes.

Maybe you filled the cracks I'd never admit I had
(It hurts just to say it now),
Found the fragile pieces and wove them into a blanket to keep me warm.
It's possible you saw the lies I carry,
The spiders with their gnashing teeth and blood-red eyes,
And stood by me all the same.
Maybe you called me, suddenly, on your way to work,
Surprised to find yourself wanting me, though we'd just left each other.

We might have been in love,
But those three words burned in our throats,
We could only choke out ashes, not even a spark.
Now every trace of fingertips across our hearts only brings up dust,
Settled deep in chambers and arteries for heaven knows how long,
Made from the memory of my lipstick, the holes in your jeans,
And everything we might have had,
If only we'd allowed ourselves to recognize it.

I write in fragments,
Becoming more stagnant
'Til I write nothing at all.

And so I falter:
Stammer, stutter, stumble.
Mumble. As my words crumble.

These notebooks I've filled?
Toss them. Tear pages out.
Destroy it; fury unbound.

Let's dissect the hate.
I'd hate to disappoint.
Disappointment? I digress.

As I lay my eyes on you
I start to stutter
Words don't come out right
My brain can't form sentences

The effect you have on me, oh boy...
I'm *******