I'm an idiot.
At least i'm smart enough to know so.

The Act of breaking my heart took you three nights.
You held her in those arms that held me.
Kissed her with those lips that promised me love.
Those lips that made me love you.
The ones that made me stupid:
Because you would never choose me.
Not when she was so easy and you
Just wanted what she could give.
But while she gave you her body;
I gave you my heart.
Beautiful and brilliant: my trusting hands
Lent you my heart for sale to keep.
But instead you dropped it for the girl who
Lives on My ******* street.
But the most pathetic part?
I still choose you.
I still see your car in front of my house where you kissed me
I replay all of our moments on a ******* loop
I pray every text is from you
I hear music and I wish I could hear it with you
My heart beats to the sounds of
My body pleading what my voice can't:
For you to choose me.
For you to have chosen me
For you to change
For you to just please send me one last "love you <3"
For you to bandage the parts of me I detest with your love
For you not to leave
For you to hold me while I cry over you
For you to love me
Because all I want is You.
I would give anything for You.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Rhyming is overrated

I have something
I need to get off my chest
and this is the way
I know I can bring it out best

Two thousand and eleven
was supposed to be my year
that's when you left me for him
and you thought everything we had
was just gonna be another fling
Girl, I don't play people
It's not my thing
I almost made the mistake
of letting you go
I could have left you in the dust
and moved on through this life
When the message I sent you
said I needed time to sought myself out
You replied with, Why? and laughed
I thought about every single word
put so much thought and effort
into every line, I said and sent you
They were the longest messages
I'd ever sent anyone
I'm not sure you gave a ****
Not sure you even care

I don't know
What I'm doing back
in the studio
Trying to make this song for you
So you see, feel what's going on
deep inside of me, what's been yearning
to be set free
and you didn't think I could communicate
like this, I'm full of surprises
What else can I say, so take the chance
allow me to explain
everything that's going on
deep inside of me

Uh, he acts like he owns your heart
But he doesn't know much about the art of love
And I'm not gonna let him
Tear what we have left apart
I'd fight for you, Die for you
I'd fight for everything we have left
so if you want this, you'd better start
showing me a little more interest
If you want me to stay
better say something
this is getting ridiculous
Can't read your mind, every single time
I'm tired of chasing, playing silly games
Girl, am I some sought of back up plan?
I need a little more respect
If you want me to invest
All this love I have for you
I'm taking a little more control
So if you don't want me anymore
Say something, so I can let go.

I don't know
What I'm doing back
in the studio
Trying to make this song for you
So you see, feel what's going on
deep inside of me, what's been yearning
to be set free
and you didn't think I could communicate
like this, I'm full of surprises
What else can I say, so take the chance
allow me to explain
everything that's going on
deep inside of me

I'm not some sought of hypocrite
Believing in every feeling that you're giving
So you better slow it down
Explain to me what you want to do now
Can't read your mind honey
Sometimes I need a little direction
I don't have the power of perception
stop playing me like a fool
Can't fight for someone
When they don't want to be fought for
What's the point of giving my all
To somebody that doesn't want me around no more
So show me a sign, that you want me around
I ain't playing second so I can be your rebound
someone you can bounce back off
so that you still feel wanted
because baby, I'm not somebody
you can just take for granted
I'll go and give another girl a chance
Because my hearts just not something
I'm willing to break again
Especially when you couldn't even give me a chance
To prove I had what it takes to be your man.

I don't know
What I'm doing back
in the studio
Trying to make this song for you
So you see, feel what's going on
deep inside of me, what's been yearning
to be set free
and you didn't think I could communicate
like this, I'm full of surprises
What else can I say, so take the chance
allow me to explain
everything that's going on
deep inside of me

©2018 Written By Benji James

Stupidity.
What does it mean?
Is it when you lose your glasses and stumble around since you can't see?
Is it when you save all your homework for the Last Possible Second
Because work is a force you're not willing to reckon?
Is it when you try to ignore the feelings inside
Because confronting them is harder than making up a lie?
In that case, I must be a stupid boy.

You have tears? Well I have tissues
You want to talk? I understand, I also have some issues.
Bad times can always do a 180 flip
As long as you're willing to let your feelings slip.

Pain,
It's something I know that I face everyday
It's made me think that I'm insane.
It's made me force myself to have nothing to say.

Granted I've never seen you face-to-face
But from writing and chatting I'd like to think I have a pretty good base.
Maybe a little shaky because we only recently met
Getting to know someone's soul can take awhile,
But it's worth it, to see them smile.

Crying.
If I said I didn't do it, I'd be outright lying.
Sometimes emotions are overwhelming
And towards myself I end up yelling.
And I wonder what leads me to think this way,
How do I stop it? What do I do or say?

Invisible?
I often wonder if I'm fictional.
If my problems really exist
Or if I'm a quick doodle by some artist.

Sometimes trying
Starts with crying.
Would you write with a mechanical pencil
If it was all backed up?
And sometimes we need to be existential.
How else would we grow?
And learn the things we need to know?

Love may feel unobtainable
And you may feel barely durable.
But if you're going to whisper,
Then I'm going to shout.

I KNOW THAT IT'S EASIER TO DOUBT
AND TO BLUR IT ALL OUT
BUT I'D LIKE TO SAY HELLO
IN AN ATTEMPT TO SHOW
THAT I DO CARE
AND I'M WILLING TO LISTEN,
IF YOU'RE WILLING TO SHARE.

Sometimes i don't know what's worse...
The fact that she's gone
or the stupid reason why she left me