i am standing beside a hole where a soulless body lays
afraid to peep inside
of who it might be
staring back
into my hazel eyes
could my innocent youth be harsh-fully swept away
if it was my mother whose eyes id have to face?

i am standing beside a hole where a soulless body lays
where my ears start to ring with echoes of heavy sobs that soon shred into weeps
whose funeral might this be?
was it possible that my late night bawling to god, to place that husband of hers under the rug, had finally been done?

i am standing beside a hole where a soulless body lays
when my mind immediately hits the ***
might this be the ceremony
to sendoff ,the person with whom i shared my soul?
might the bag of deceased bones
belong to the person
death was too afraid to take,
because of the ecstasy we both did generate?
would this ceremony actually be, my worst nightmare to come true?  

i am standing beside a hole where a soulless body lays
i am suddenly held hostage inside my own brain, forced to see all the nights id been swept away,
under the wings of insomnia
where id been dipped into a deception
making the sky seem like perfect company, in a romantic way
and the moon my dearest friend, in the best of ways

i am standing beside a hole where a soulless body lays
im fed up of being at this ceremony
i now want to leave
the place however
starts to fill with mobs
and never ending sobs
i see my parents greeting guests
and i see my best friend trying hardest to not break
for gods sake whose loss is being grieved in this hollow place
i stumble as i walk upon the open grave
filled with angry puzzles to piece
tears of all these eyes are by now enough, to create an ocean inside this place
an ocean however that i can not cleanse myself in to be saved

i am standing beside a hole where my soulless body lays
and soon i start to realize
ive been a tourist in my own grave

You get closer and closer,
After all the things I've done,
When I've already hurt,
You and everyone.

This isn't funny,
Beause I don't get it,
Why do you protect me,
When I've always been zilch?

Don't say that I've been something,
I don't want to believe it's true,
All I wanted to be,
Is to be someone, like all of you.

I keep trying to save me,
Constantly breaking inside,
Trying to forget,
I just can't decide.

You keep appearing,
In this empty mind of mine.
The vast dark void,
That wouldn't be able to shine.

I said I didn't know you,
But in truth I just lied,
So I could save,
This fractured soul I hide.

This empty soul of mine,
feels nothing but hate,
I see no reason to cry,
for my emotions arrived late.

I never felt anything,
I didn't want to anyway,
because I've seen what they bring,
that they can haunt you for days.

I'm just a soulless spirit,
wandering this world,
with no ability to **** this,
I won't be saying a word.

i sold my soul for you
to buy you a little more
time to breathe
and you didn't even
use your last breath on me

i guess it was all just a waste
because you never saw me that way,
i should have known
all along that i just
wasn't good enough for you

This is the story of the lover who felt everything, and the lover who felt nothing.
In the beginning, it was just she and he,
And she felt the flutter of butterflies, and new beginnings,
While he felt nothing.
And then it all became tangible, and they were together,
For a short while,
And she felt excitement, nerves, and promise,
While he felt nothing.
And while the laughed and made love,
She began to fall while he felt nothing,
And when she fell all the way,
Deeply, completely, ridiculously,
He felt nothing.
And when everything crashed and burned,
And she felt shattered, empty, and cursed,
He felt nothing.
And when there were small bubbles of hope,
She felt smiles,
While he felt nothing.
And when they started to drift yet again,
She felt longing, and sadness, and missed her friend, her love,
And he felt nothing.
And in the end, even through the lowest of lows, the lover who felt everything was better off.
Because even as she is on her own,
And growing again,
He still feels nothing at all.

Lips so red
Looks like they've bleed
For the lies you've spread

Eyes so blue
They're soulless too
Your blackness grew

Your arms entrap
Ensnare, react
I'm imprisoned, snapped

Your heart is hollow
In evil you waller
You make me scream and holler

Out of control
Out for my soul
My heart you stole

With that self inflicted wound were she ripped out her own soul
There was things she didn't know
Things that also had to go

What went first was empathy
Followed close by sympathy
Then of course was faith
But that really died with years of agonizing wreath
I would say dreams
But those died years ago it seems

What hurt the most
And why it was so hard to cope
Was the microcosm thin string holding hope
It was crushed in the grind
No where you look, will you find

She no longer believed in yin and yang
Or karma, they where the same, nonexistent
She seemed to know it in an instant
Nothing happened for a reason
To think that would be treason
It was all just random chaos, and dumb luck
Just depends on what side of the coin you're stuck
There was only random acts of cruelty
This world is more than unruly

With these facts now planted firmly in her head
What little light within her fled
The darkness slowly seeped inside
As she gasped out one silent sigh
Now totally consumed, she would never shed a tear, it was as if she had never cried
For her former self passed away, her old personality died

and how much I miss you I cannot put into words
though your words are the ones I miss.
There are days that are easier without you
and days that I can feel my feeling going away.
I can feel myself fighting it--fighting the numbness
and nothingness.
It's hard.
I have to tell myself that I'm happy, to be happy.
I can't remember a time when I was truly genuinely happy.
when I was with you I thought I was happy, I forget what that feels like.
I wonder if you're happy, can u teach me how to be happy?
I don't think you can teach someone how to do something that comes naturally to you, right?
I don't feel anything when I think of you.
that's a lie.
I feel nothing with a hint of smiles.
it's a weird feeling and it makes me nauseous.
literally.
it makes me feel dizzy and it makes me throw up.
I still want to hold your hand.
I want to lay next to you forever.
I think of you and I think of nothing but genuine feeling.
whether it be pain or butterflies, I feel something.
i want to fade into you.
I know you don't read these anymore and it kind of makes me glad.
but it's not like I wouldn't've written this if I knew you were gonna see it. you know I don't care.
you know that for you I'm an open book.
nothing to hide.
the only lie I've ever told you is that I've never lied to you.
I lie to you every time we speak.
I don't tell you this.
I don't tell you how badly I want to run all the way to your arms and never let you go.
I don't tell you because I know that there are times where weeks can go by and you don't think of me.
I think it's strange.
I've never been able to go a whole hour without thinking of you.
I don't hate it, but I don't know how to make it go away.
I don't want to forget you the way you've forgotten me
but I want to let you go the way
you've let me go.