There's an apartment filled with drugs
Somewhere in the past
Where I'd roll around on my rug
With a body of little mass
I was malnourished
And felt like a tourist
I protected embarrassing ****** desires
And felt like I couldn't speak
I thought I'd stay silent until I retired
But the pressure got too deep
I was afraid of what they think
And the Kool-Aid they drink

I made mistakes
And tried to act straight
I felt fake
Which engendered hate
My friends stopped seeing me
After I stopped being me
When everything got too cold
I reached out for somewhere to hold
And grasped a syringe
To erase my cringe

I didn't sleep on a pallet
Or get beat by a mallet
My parents loved me
Isn't that lovely?
I felt pain all the same
I felt like I had fame
And everybody was watching
And grenade launching
I tried to foolishly avoid it
Which proved to be ineffective
I thought drugs might destroy it
Which led to countless injections

I've seen interesting things
Like wives selling rings
To be drug dealer bling
And the constant scheming
Of the get-rich-quick dreaming
These events become boring
After you see girls *******
And homeless people looting up
And pregnant women shooting up
And pulverizing police pulling up
The difference becomes starker
Once things get even darker

My life had no worth
Back and forth
Between rehab and relapse
So much time had elapsed
Life became about learning how one thing leads to another
Like a caring mother who gives birth to two brothers
One is of use to society
For he has proper propriety
The other is a poet
But doesn't know it
He can carve out a peaceful existence
That can be his righteous resistance
He needs to be nurtured
By someone he collides with
Somewhere in the future
At a location to be decided

Where will I end up? Somewhere
Will I be lost when I get there? Lost
Where am I suppose to be? There
Will it take all that I've got? Cost
Will I know when I am there? Yes
But should I continue? Go
What will i do? Impress
Do I ever settle for less? No
Who will be there? You
And with me? New
Adventures for all the new? True
A new life that will lead to what? Pursue
Pursue things that lead me where? Home
But what should I continue to do? Roam

Paper folded into doors
Fingers twisted into words
I try to grip reality
While collecting bumblebees
They call me whimsical
But i’m just somewhere else

you called me heartless
but I think you lost your heart
somewhere on the way

Wanna sit on beach somewhere
Cold drink, without a care
Not a thought in my mind
About stress or self doubt
Just alone with some time
Enough to clear my head out
Gotta sort through the mess
Sort the trash from the treasure

I lost a lively part of myself somewhere
I am all alone and incomplete
Longing to feel whole once more
I give another piece to you, will history repeat?