When I think of love, I can't see you anymore. My mind takes me back to 2 years ago when I never needed more than to see the curve of your lips because I breathed the air I now swore to never long for again. My sanity still slipping like I always do in love, I tiptoe for nights over the puddles I've cried for you, invisible to the world but they're all I see. I've been trying to forget you.

The lute of my heart
Sways to sweet tunes
Come,o come
Glorious conscience
The song filled
Lotus garden
Of my heart awaits you
O one who stays
In realms unknown
Holding the lute(veena)
Of my conscience
In her hand
Under her control
Not only is she the
Manifestation of
Ambrosia filled
Goodness
But the sacred
Goddess of the word
By whose divine touch
What surrounds her
Is blessed with such goodness!
Her very image
Is like the glory
Of light
Of a diamond
The beauty
Of the dreaming
Eyes of a deer
O somewhere
That radiance
Does reside
In my heart's place
By the presence of whom
This day and this night
Are sweet to enchant
To their heart's glory
O the fragrant enchanting
Directions
Touched by the honey
Of the cuckoo's song
O show yourself
O goddess
In this radiant glory
Let my eyes
Be blessed
Once by
Your divine grace
O do not
Reside anymore
In the realm
Unknown
Of my mind
Under the veil of
Shadowy illusion
Manifest yourself,o Devi
Let your grace enlighten me!!

what to do when you committed yourself to someone who won’t commit themselves to you?
they never loved you the way you loved them
maybe they don’t even deserve the way you loved them
saying that makes your heart hurt though,

how to look right at the face of the one who crushed your heart
and not want the entire world for them
how to stop wishing they’d be okay
that they would be happy again

how to stop wishing for the past
when they giggled and smiled and said “it’s because of you”

how to forget the tone in their voice when they said “i love you too”

How

if you figure it out write it down on a paper and send it to me too

words i need to know more than i need her to be true

You are still so young
But you have lived through so much
To cope with it all
And still be alive
You must be strong
I wish you didn't have to be this strong
I wish you had someone
Who could just be
Be there with you
Whenever you feel weak
Be your strength when life is too hard
Hug you when you cry
Give you ice cream when you are sad
And love you for who you are
Not loathe you for what you cannot be
I wish you had someone
Because it cannot be me

there's something missing
i still confuse
what is missing from me
Myself?
or
Someone else?
or
i miss someone
that make me miss my ownself
i miss the apple
i miss the hairtie
i miss the glasses
i miss all of that
because that're the things
i can make me be myself
i can smile because i want to
i can laugh because i want to
not because i need to
I'm not the same anymore
it feels like i have
many faces
many mask


-S.I

and suddenly time stops
after weeks and weeks of moving too fast
the stillness makes my head spin
or maybe you make my head spin
because there you are
a friend of a friend
standing in the living room
had it been my living room
i'd have asked you to leave
our history was crashing around
inside of my skull
a ricocheting bullet i didn't know how to stop
as it were
all i could do was stand there
statue still in the doorway
frozen in time
your silhouette blurred against
the afternoon sunlight streaming in
through the window
and i stared for moment after long moment
wanting
wishing
needing you to be someone else
and just like in all my bad dreams
when i scrounged up the courage to greet you
your face fell into an expressionless mask
our eyes barely met
your irises the same shade
as the coffee that holds my eyes open every morning
and nothing fell from your mouth
i tried hard not to feel anything
i know you were as terrified as me

I think I'll fall asleep in an hour
I think I'll be dead in a week
I'm sick of bitter arrogance-
it isn't something unique.
In fact it's kind of grotesque
the way I choose to progress
it's like i'm slowly
cutting from my
feet
and stopping
at my chest.
Do you get it yet?
Do you find it hard to understand?
Am I not what you were looking for
or do I need to be better than I am?
I'm only asking.
I think that's fair.
But then again I'm getting acquainted with
despair.
I tell myself it isn't real.
I try to believe that you care.
But all that goes out the window when
I see you are not there.
It's unusual;
the way I trip
over myself.
Therapists and teachers
always said I needed help.
But I didn't believe them.
Ignorant was how I felt.
Trapped, corner,
isolated-
I was ****** with what was dealt.
Just know that I didn't keep it.
I just walked right on out.
And for every moment
I've been defeated-
at least I wasn't

someone else.