She was fascinating.
Not because she was drop dead gorgeous or oh my god beautiful.

No, she had humor she used as a weapon.
No, she had love she used a shield.
No, she had strength hidden behind layers of wisdom.

She was fascinating.
In the way that made men cringe and made women envious.
She was the type of girl you wanted to get to know if only to keep her close by.

I remember when I was younger
I thought I had love figured all out
I would tell myself that if I just
Put my heart, mind, body and soul
Love would do the same
And all would be sweet as candy.

I lost myself.

I tried to change
Tried to be prettier
Tried to be smarter
Tried to be more smooth on the edges
All because I wanted to be enough for love
Even when I did all of that
Love wasn't satisfied.

"why do you like him?"
he's smart
he's funny
he's cute
he's crazy
he's friendly
he's kind
he's him
                                                 "no he's not. i don't see why you like him"
                                                            ­                                             "hes ugly"
                                                           ­                                          "he's stupid"
                                                                ­                                       "he's blunt"
                                                                ­                                  "he's ignorant"
                                                                ­                                       "he's mean"
                                                           ­                        "he's not good enough"

                                


                     ­                    no one sees what i see
                                he doesn't even see what i see

I'm going to tell you a story about what a relationship in this day and age should look like

Except this isn't my story to tell. This story goes to the wild Turkey's, for love, they will fight

You see, I work at a rescue center, and we have 4 turkeys. 3 male, and 1 female.

The one female and 2 of the males are rescued.  The last male is a wild turkey. He visits every day without fail

He flies over the fence to visit his female, and she never loved another, not even with the other two

Although there were other wild females, and other recused males, they were determined to keep their loyalty true

And true and loyal they both have always been, and when one of the other males tried to attack

or scare Her love away. The female won't just stand around, she'll put on a fight, and peck at their backs

Their backs are bare, they learned the hard way. Not to mess with loyal love. He can't stay away

Even when I or any other people try to frighten him off, it won't stop him, he still comes every day

If only people could have a strong, loyal, love fighting relationship like these two turkey's.

They've been like this for 4 years... What a lovely lesson we could learn... It's something I want for me.

I sit here not over there with the smart kids
I sit here not over there with the "cool" kids
I sit here not over there with the happy kids
I sit here not over there with the emo kids
I sit here not over there with the dorky kids
I sit here not over there with the gamer kids
       I don't fit in anywhere

girl like: can recite digits of pi up to number 25. got a mouth full of razors but will find a way to speak around them so she can spit out the answers to last night’s math problems. girl like: walking around with one million useless facts that will never save her life and one million useless feel-good quotes about yoga which won’t save her life neither, girl like: need her on our classroom jeopardy team but don't need her for much else unless we need somebody to stand in the middle of the room and just scream
girl like: you kissed her on a night where she got drunk for the first time and you were the whole bottle of fireball but nobody pulled her away from you because when girl like this parties, people think it’s funny that she has no sense of danger
girl like: walking on glass, girl like balancing act, girl like “it’s easy if you understand weight distribution,” girl handling a crime scene easy because the one in her left temple is sort of sloshing around and spreading past the edges and one of these days she’s gonna have to deal with it in some other way rather than “the angle of the bloodspatter shows the angle of the assault” rather than “i’m fine i’m just tired” rather than “sure i’ll help you study for the final” rather than being in the backseat of her mother’s minivan and silently weeping without anyone seeing and for reasons she can’t quite put a finger on 
girl like: she apologizes because this area her body is a building in renovation so the appearance is unsightly and truth be told she has no idea if she’s going to tear it down or build it up but the mystery is sort of exciting isn’t it - and you’re trying to scrape her off the ground with your eyebrows in that little knot people get when they’re upset but don’t know really how to fix it and she keeps running and she says: listen, the specific heat of wood is pretty high, you know. her feet are burning, nevermind her soul
girl like: science is amazing isn’t it don’t you know objects in motion tend to keep speeding towards a brick wall and i’ve shot myself out of the barrel of a gun wanna see the angle of the bloodspatter wanna walk across the coals wanna stick your fingers in the glass of my brain wanna turn up the music so nobody hears the stitches coming undone darling i’m sorry i’m not savable we’ve tried everything darling i’m sorry i come off like i’ve got everything in between my fingers but darling being up-to-date on my homework doesn’t make me strong being good at hiding it doesn’t make me the voice of success being able to laugh when my brain is a mess just makes me sad it doesn’t make me a hero
girl like: my favorite digit of pi happens to be zero.

Sticky
Always grabbing
For compliments
For approval

“You’re so pretty.”

Like jam hands
Young and desperate
Sweet and clingy
Searching

“They can’t resist a beautiful girl like you.”

Is that all I am?
“Beautiful”  “Pretty”
That’s all they tell me
Am I nothing else?

“I wish I looked like you.”

Is there no head on my shoulders?
No spine in my back?
Is “pretty” all I have?
Am I nothing but a picture to look at?

“You’re the pretty friend.”

Gooey jam hands grabbing
For any kind words
Of how my looks dazzle
Because

That’s all I’ve ever heard.
Now I’m a "pretty” shell
With nothing worth noticing
Inside.