Sometimes
I hear you wondering
Why things aren't they were before

Holding you
Whispering
"It'll be okay"
But not believing it myself

You are not alone
Don't be afraid
I won't go too
Pulled from your small arms

Holding you
Then you lashing out
Kicking me aside
Shutting yourself off
Healing slower
Than a car crash victim

Wailing that split the night
Told;
"You don't know!"
But little did you know
I cried
And I cried
Like silent raindrops
They fell

Each hit
From your small fists
Like a bullet
Piercing my heart

Moving from place to place
Feet barely touch the ground
Then finally
When you stop
Every second
You expect to leave

Bouncing back and forth
House to house
Mother to father
Father to mother
School
Weekend
Weekend
School...

Can't stop this train
One to another
****
Feeling like a tool

Do this
Do that
Lists of expectations
Remember them all?
Impossible.

Yet we have to
We don't like that
No
But we have to go on
Doing it anyway
Until we leave
To be on our own

- Jay M
April 23rd, 2019

my sister's room is a time machine.
I walk in and she has decorated her walls with the memory of our father
her desks covered in the confetti of his life
her jewelry all gifts from him
she wears three necklaces at once because he gave them all to her
her phone case has a picture of him and her
I walked in on her once sitting on the carpet
a picture, a box of ashes, and something silly her gave her all laying in front of her
in her hands was one of the necklaces, and her thumb vigorously rubbed it like a lamp
begging for a wish
a wish she had planned:
bring him back.
my sister's room is a time machine.
she harbors his spirit in her room
because it doesn't live anywhere else.

My kind of a sweet sibling bonding moment
Is when you love them so much
You jump on them while their trying to sleep
Give them a huge hug
Then strangle them with your whole body not letting them get away till they say that you
Yes you
Are their favorite sister =D
And
That they love you
and know you love them
no matter how mean you might be
Or annoying they are to you
You love them
Now and forever
That they are your very first brother and forever will be
Your First Brother

mechanical wonders are they!
the greatness of ever-changing plains
withered weathering willows which wallow in the wake of winds,
shriveling, sniffling, cynical twins.

solaris, the fantastical bringer of light!
oh how we lift our faces in your fruit-bearing gaze.
our thanks for extinguishing the inky blight, you have given us sight.
we miserable, entangled creatures in locks and chains,
at the mercy of the return of your fiery blaze.
we rely on Pandora’s final curiosity
and during times of ultimate crisis, we wish for you
and pray for catharsis.

but your sister…

luna, you wretched being, wrecker of sanity!
oh how you unravel the psyche, fibrous ends,
intertwining tapestries meticulously woven yet disassembled so quickly.
we are aghast at the horrors with which you plague us.
each stare through the mirror, reversed pools of vanity
freckles of light fall from their places
on weary onlookers’ shadowy faces
as they melt in the hysterics of your obscure domain.

finally a farewell, an intonation of speech:
“good-bye.”
discombobulated words, addressed to each;
for one sister revitalizes that which the other hath slain.

Grasping my face as my perpetual sobs failed to cease,
You looked me in the eyes and said with your brotherly ease,
"Do not let this define you"-
Words compelling my courage to break through.
You wiped my tears away,
Water and mascara forming rivers all grey.
My heart was still hurting but my shoulders weighed less,
As you took some weight upon yourself after forcing my emotions to confess.

Seventeen
Is the age you are
You have my love
No matter how far

You are my friend
And that will never end
Our love doesn’t snap
It only bends

You’re talented and beautiful
And you’re just so cool
This poem has to end
For I am at school.

It’s spring break and I cant scroll through instagram
without seeing pictures of people on vacation.
its all the same for the most part, sunny and warm
beaches all around the world.
the most popular place, however, is Florida.
I’ve always wanted to go to Florida
but not always for disney or the sunshine.

Have you ever tried explaining the term half-sister
to an elementary school kid?
my parents did, and failed. I never once called you
my half-sister, because all that mattered was the sister part.
and it still does today.

I can't remember how old I was when
you moved to Florida for the first time.
but I do remember wishing I could go with you,
how I always asked dad when you were coming back,
and how he never answered me.
eventually I stopped asking, but I used to save my coins hoping I could go see you one day.

when I was 13, you came back.
you told me how I’ve grown and how much you
missed me.
I told you how I loved your short hair and how much
I missed you too.
you didn’t stay for long, and I don’t blame you
our family was never good at making you
feel welcome.

that was 7 years ago, but it feels like another
lifetime. almost like, somebody else’s story.
after I saw you leave again, I didn’t bother
to ask when you’d be coming back
because the way you said goodbye gave me my answer.
but I never once stopped thinking about you,
even after everyone else did.

I’m 20 now and, I’m not sure I want to go to
Florida anymore.
the thought of me running into you while
posing for a spring break picture scares me,
more than I care to admit.
I don’t want to see you because i know
you wouldn’t be proud of who I am today.
mistakes have turned into bad habits
and I’m still trying to unlearn them.

so for now, and maybe forever, I’ll stay
away from Florida.
I’ll let you exist in your own world,
but you’ll always be a part of mine.
I hope the last time you saw me,
still lives on in your memory.
I’m not the same girl I was 7 years ago,
but sometimes I miss that girl too.
maybe one day, the both of us
can meet the person I am trying to become.