I’ve been meaning to say something,
but the words never feel right.
It’s strange how distance grows
even when I can’t stop thinking about you—
which is funny because
I’ve memorized the way
your face leans toward the light,
as if it’s drawn to something
only you can see.

Your eyes—
deep and restless—
carry a weight
you think you’re hiding,
but it’s there,
a quiet storm I can’t look away from.

the way your smile curves,
unintentional yet disarming,
the way you stain my thoughts
like a song i can't unhear

I wonder if you know
how many times I’ve written you
into a sentence I couldn’t finish,
how often I’ve reached
for a silence
only you could fill.

Silence is a shadow
filled by its beholder.
It’s fortress or an ambush,
a dreamer’s field or burial ground.
It’s fear or hope,
tension or peace,
a welcome gift
or a deafening assault.
It’s stunned confusion
or unspoken understanding,
the moment before a first breath
or the moment after a last.
It’s the storm to come
or the storm come through.
It’s a yes or a no.
It’s a maybe.
Maybe it’s nothing at all.

This house has never known silence.

Mostly the walls bounce.
With the sound of  her voice.

My mother has never been,
An even tempered woman.

Sure there are some days that her voice.
It is soft and sweet sounding like honey.

Those are the days everything goes her way.
Those are the days when her wallet is full.
Those are the days the drug fuels her addiction.

This house has never known silence.
If there is peace I have little hope.
I'll ever find it.

I wrote silence
it made more sense
than anything else
I could think of

she was a good wife:
beautiful, honest, kind, soft -
just like her silence.

if i couldn’t - feel - for a day,
i wonder -
how i’d feel about it the next day;
to not have a memory i can name;
to come out the other side,
to realize -
the story’s still the same.

what would i even call such a day?
i guess - it’d still be a regular day...
for others to see me -
like, they’ve always seen me
under the sun.
just for a day,
put my soul out of the equation.    

i wonder where i’d even start,
with my mind, and my tongue -
both poles apart.
no self-esteem to feed,
nor the regrets -
to fight about.
****!
what would i even write about...?

These loose strings that i find no use of
Should i cut them free
Or sew them tighter.
For what’s next i seek no attention to
For what’s hidden, was never meant to see through.
Billions and still counting…
For the absence it was never bothered of,
Unknown reasons the night had howled for.
Forced nightmares out of the dreamy eyes,
The eyes that never could seem any light from,
Or had it even wished to seek any..
After the eclipse it was forced to see through and the new moons it had to weep through.

Ask of me what you want
What does your heart truly desire?
I delight in providing for your needs
Even when you do not ask me.
Come to me in your weakness and strength
Seek my aid each morning.
Offer me your day and everything in it
And ask me to bless it and give you graces
I rejoice in your asking, and I love to give
Open yourself to me and receive
Receive my love and affection
Receive my presence and do my will
Receive the gifts I have prepared
Believe that I live within you
In all you think and speak and do
Let me help you do more good
What would you do if only you could?
Have faith in me
For, with me, all things are possible
If you are truly doing my work
Do your best and I will make it work
Give it to me that I may bless and multiply
Walk with me faithfully
and I will teach you how to fly
When this happens, and it will, be assured,
Be not proud, but rejoice and give me thanks
Everything you do, do it for the greater glory of God
For you have been chosen to bring
A bit of heaven down to the earth
You are a beloved Child Of The King
Called to a purpose before your birth
Call me up: I'm always free
For you, I'm never too busy
But when you are done, stop and listen
Be patient, persevere even if I seem silent
Sometimes I speak through things
Sometimes what you want is not what you need
Sometimes I have something better
Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder
So often you take for granted
The many blessings you are given
You don't appreciate their value as much
Until it is taken away
My spirit longs for you
As a desert longs for rain
How long must I wait
To feel your presence again
Let your face shine upon me
Take not your spirit from me
Open my eyes to truly see
As I live out this new reality

Listen to the Lord in the silence of your heart
Be still and know that He is God and King
The Author Creator Sustainer of Everything
Be filled with His presence in every breath you take
Know that He is with you in every choice you make
To know Him is to love Him to love Him is to see the light
To listen to Him is to hear the words of everlasting life
May the peace of the Lord shine upon your face
And may you walk forever in the light of His grace

Amen

the phone’s rung twice now;
i can hear it from the bath,
too naked to talk.