Hey great-grandma,
You haven't written in 7 years. My heart is hissing, what does that mean? Why won't it stop going so fast? It's beating the **** out of me, grandma. I can't keep up with it.

Dearest great-aunt,
Hey, where've you been? I've been stuck throwing up my lungs the last few weeks. Coffin shopping is a lot harder than it looks aunty.

Dear uncle,
You haven't even asked about my hospital trip. Nerve pain. Yeah, I'm okay, but I don't want to say "I love you" to my boyfriend tomorrow. No, he didn't do anything wrong. He just forces me to swallow antacids until my eyes roll back and I die. How long? A year and a half, we started dating February tenth. It snowed.

Hello me,
You haven't shown up in a while. Please call.

Love,
No Body

As my lungs crinkle and deflate into themselves,
I'm reminded that breathing is easy
I just **** at it.

I hear Lou Dog bark- good dog- and hope he's still out there, biting pornstars because for sure, not all Rastafarian dogs go to heaven. The music's down here.

But you're just the most boring cliche with a pretty face.
And I'm still surprised you're on this side of the dirt.
What a conscience you have.

(Huh?)

Darling, the girl has been right here all along,
Can't you hear her sing her song?
The darkness has no where to hide, the light's too strong.
It retreats back into hell where it belongs,
The girl, is here happy and free, to say she's gone, and the darkness took her, you are wrong.
The laugh she gives, makes her stronger, listen again to her song,
Let your heart feel the words and the melody seep into your skin and once again feel the light she'll have lifelong.

My body is failing me
And each time I stand,
I feel like falling
My body is growing weak
Every day that I live
It seems like I'm dying
But I have so much left to give

Sometimes I wonder
if someday I'll collapse
Wither away into nothing
Because I'd have no strength left

Perhaps, I could be better
If I had the money
To help myself
But sense I don't
I'll just suffer in the silence
Only to cry when I'm alone

The sun is grey
Yet it lights up the day
Not all who see understand
The sight they view
I personally barely see past the grey
Yes there is blue in the world
Yes indeed there are lots of colors
Some people are color blind.
I only see color sometime
I am constantly battling the mania
Which can be described as all the colors attacking at once
And battling depression
Which is blankness attacking and the voices telling you to JUMP!
Whispering JUMP!!!!
Do it! You won't...
There sweet voices pleading.
Jump you beautiful girl.
People will love you on the other side.
You will be appreciated in the other world.
In the next world.
You belong there.
Just jump! Follow the light sweet girl.
Don't call me that!
Only one person I know can call me that and you are not her.
She is the reason I stay in this world.
It's not my time yet.
One day it will be, but not yet.
There's feeling behind the music I listen to.
"When my time comes around lay me gently in the cold hard ground." Not a day too soon.
I want to spend everyday on earth with the people who don't make me worthless.
Yes I understand I am sick in a few ways but I am getting better. Mentally I am being cured by having friends. My little nerdy sweet friend. ❤️ Love you!
And even though I will never not be allergic to majority of the things I eat and the allergies are getting worse and more are popping up its okay because I am happy now and know I have people who would care if I died. So I silence the thought and go right up to the people who care. They love me and I love them.

They never knew how it was like
They couldn't read my mind
Sure I can hide what is inside
The invincible mind erases defeat
Lost like fire on its way to sleep
Steel bends under its command
Shielding lust for every man
The words it bears love to sing
Now and then they hear the cling

Weird, they call me
Although I am insane
Sometimes it's what keeps me tame
Behind the wall
Is fought a war
It goes like thunder
I can' t stand it anymore

They hear me screaming from inside
They can't be both deaf and blind.
Only my words will survive
If darkness' wounds would take me out
Somebody surely heard me shout
Reaching out they'd call my name
I would never feel the wounds again
Through fire and rain, and oceans deep
This curse cannot find defeat

Weird, they call me
Although I am insane
Sometimes it's what keeps me tame
Behind the wall
Is fought a war
It goes like thunder
I can' t stand it anymore

The sickness once took a slave
What's left is the nothing it gave
Empty room with a golden chest
Tempting the mind its best
See what it has become
The tear that falls so slowly down
Friend or foe
What's the difference in a lonely world
Disaster likes the taste
You'll find me, alone in my cage

Weird, they call me
Although I am insane
Sometimes it's what keeps me tame
Behind the wall
Is fought a war
It goes like thunder
I can' t stand it anymore

Sickness, burn my name
Haunt my life, taste the flame
Sickness, play your game

everything I do hurts you,
my happiness stresses you out
my energi smother yours,
highlights your loss of it
the same way the kind gestures show me
your weariness
I am well and you aren't  
I would take it all
in a nano second but I can’t
I’ve tried but I can’t
I play tired and I play sick
I’ve tried to show that we’re the same
but i know  
it doesn’t make you less sick
not a single bit
all I can do is to grow
and try to hold your hand
even if you’re left behind
and all this, all this
until death will tear us apart.

I can feel the normality
sending a friend request to death
I can feel time accepting it
I start to recognize the blended soft colors
and the feeling of life coming and going
just hoping it isn’t in my hand.
I am turning into someone else
I say I’m happy
because I know it matters
We have one thing in common here
we don’t complain because the nurses teach us that’s what kills us in the end
I try to stand up outside all of it
I try to feel like anything else matters
but it doesn’t
I’m scared my happiness somewhere else
takes away the happiness we have
until death tears us apart

I take the buss back home
I leave you behind
I fake my way up to sit at the top so that I can see
I have a photo of you on my phone to remember
just in case you would go away
It’s a new feeling a mix between everything
and nothing
I write it down
because I can’t loose these seconds
just in case you would go away
It makes life feel so important
It makes everything else feel stupid.
It makes you stronger
It makes everything heavy
and all you can is hope, hope that it’s not
until death tears us apart

There’s a pregnant woman who wants my seat
I let her have it
I go all the way back I pass one with a burn mark on his face
I wonder how many tears have happened the last ten minutes on this buss
I wonder how they take it
I don’t know how I take it
I know the barr is lower here
the scary part isn’t getting sick
here it’s dying
and in that case
I know I’m the lucky one  
Until death happens to me
and I feel happiness knowing
I’m the lucky one  
I can be light flying over a bridge while everybody else takes the buss
until your death will tear me apart.