She said to look away
From the body that made me

The number grows but
I still can't tell if I am whole.
Every day is nearly the same
until it's simply not.

Even family changes or moves on.
No one is safe in the long run,
Not the encountered stranger,
the acquaintance or friends...

Nobody knows when they'll meet their end,
and it scares me.
I don't like the YOLO philosophy,
but here I am again, pondering.

I'm trying to make sense of everything
I'm wondering what exactly I need...
What can help me be happy?
I wouldn't say I'm ashamed but my past is embarrassing?

I guess I'll continue and just keep going
I'll keep trying my best,
For as long as I can,
I'll try to get through this

And that was the last time
I let the world see me
Hear me
Begged for love

I'm sorry, mum
That you went through all that pain
To bring me into life
For me to just waste away
And wish I wasn't alive

Am I only my body?
Did he have to have *** with me to realize he did not want me anymore
Or did he already knew?
Was the question
“Can we do it raw?”
Because he knew it would be the last time?

Why did I do this for so long?
For him to love me?
For myself?
For the last bit of hope?

I hope no one has to suffer like I did

I kinda wish he was miserable too
To feel at least  a bit of regret
A bit of sadness
I kinda wish the world screws him
Just a bit more
So is ego is crushed

He does not have my respect
Because I do not think he respected me anyways
Or atleast
Not my body

Prove whether I do change, my dear,
Or if that I do still remain
Like as I went, or far or near,
And if ye find me not the same,
Declare 't is so that all may hear.

But if ye prove I change, my dear,
Not, but unchanged I do remain
Constant and true whithersoe'er
I travel to, then, dearest, deign
T'admit it only in mine ear.

Pangs of passion,
Flood through your fangs,
Heavy your head now hangs.

Banish these thoughts!
As you BANG-- your head--
Again--
Again!
Against the wall.

But hunger won't fade,
Nor the scent of the hen,
It lingers, it clings,
You can't help but recall,
A whisper, a wing,
Her breath, her call.

The misery in my chest,
Reeks as if it be,
The shivery shame one feels,
When perched before a class--
Of peers whose keener eyes,
fitter thoughts,
and witter words,
Dowse one in distress,
For my eyes are weary,
My mind unwound,
And my words, but a wheezing sound.