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Emily Nov 2018
I asked you to come over last night.
I felt like I was laying on rock bottom
With no way to get up
As more rocks were gradually being stacked on top of me.
The weight became too much to bear
My body started shaking uncontrollably
I did not want to be alone.
“Just take deep breaths, I’ll hurry.”
You came over and you climbed into my bed
You held me until my racing heart had calmed
And I finally felt like I could breathe again.
Then something in you switched-
You started gripping me tighter
Moving your hands to lower places
“Please babe, I really don’t want that tonight.
 I don’t feel like myself. I just want you to hold me.”
You were persistent, whispering
“Your body tells me otherwise.”
My heart began to speed up again
As I tried one more time to say,
“Please I can’t handle that tonight.
I thought it was clear, I just wanted you to hold me,
And make me feel okay again.”
This time you tried to take my pants off.
“Do you want this-
Or do you want me to go home?”
Giving me an ultimatum.
“I just want to feel okay.
I don’t want that tonight.”
And with that you got out of bed and
Grabbed your keys and belongings as you headed for the door.

I made sure you were watching-
As I undressed myself
Throwing my clothes into a neat pile on the ground
Before wrapping myself up in my fuzzy blanket
To comfort and calm myself.
I saw your true character last night.
And I learned
That you cannot find serenity
In the same place you found discomfort.
Letters from Lia Oct 2018
When your soul gets jaded
Grief and despair comsumes you
Your heart longs for a love and
attention and safekeeping
Let your heart unwind
Let the massive cloud of your thoughts
and traces of brokenness be erased
Let the serenity take over
For life yearns a glimpse of you
—a poetry for a sad hooman
siin.li
I may look like a blooming flower of spring,
but I'm just a melodious bird, which can't even sing

my existence may feel like a pretty serenity,
but my presence is the profound definition of insanity

your illuminating light adorns anything,
but my 'precious' darkness is too much adored to
accept your everything

yet your cute laugh, and those pursed lips
they take my breath away, and my heart slips

I'd always want to take all the pain, and the blame,
but did you know that we bleed the same?

I'd never twist all my love, and send it to flame,
because did you know that we bleed the same?
she can't accept it
she can't deny it
she's there hanging ,where
she can't love him, yet she can't leave him
Spiralize Oct 2018
Nostalgic dreams are here to stay
Longer than expected,they will be
Rain triggers the dreams within
Peaceful is the silence after the rain.

Long drives with radio playing along
All those days are long forgone
Wandering the mountains for serenity
Surviving the odds for an eternity.

Stuck in between two doors
This room is all that is left
Warm is the air but a cold floor
Get out of the chaos. To find more.

Destination was never a priority
What's life without surprises
The Eagle might be ruling the skies
But the Phoenix rises from the ashes.

Rise up again after its death
Looking for a slight breath
Wind calls you by your name
Life is nothing but a game.

Rain is beautiful when thoughtless
Autumn is when we find solace
Inbetween all the innumerable thoughts
Staying awake connected to the roots.

Don't be shy to cry out loud
But never among the crowd
There is a boundary with a spiked fence
Remain serene amidst of turbulence.
Was it worth it?
finding peace and serenity in the the drugs you consume?
But leaving you feeling alone and empty in the corner of you room
right after?

Depriving yourself from any sort of self care
just to numb out the pain you can't bare?
Did it help you get better?
Did it help and save you from sending that letter?
Or was it just an excuse to forget how it felt, to be abandoned
for another?

Forever cursed, stuck in this never ending loop
unless you realize what you crave for is growth.
Flushing out the poison that you fill yourself with
and finally know your
                                                                ­                
                                          Self worth.

Sharon Talbot Oct 2018
Some days hang in the sky like gems
Or encase me inside, quite still.
Above, the light is crystalline
And on the horizon, filtered soft
I sit, like Scheherazade and gaze
At the oscillating leaves
And wandering clouds,
Letting them create a hum inside me.
Senses turn to water and slide down
Beneath my skull, draining tension
And even careful thought,
Until all that’s left is the mind,
The vibrating Paradis,
The enclosed garden of antiquity,
Yet boundless tending of awareness
That is unaware,
And the long, slow drift of Life.

I could stop there
But near-****** sensations
Through all my nerves and skin
Lead me on,
As if sinking down into a pool,
Inside a liquid chalice of energy.
Eyelids half-closed,
Viscera descending
As the being relaxes.
Limbs flex and let energy flow
Until there is no barrier
Between myself and the earth.
Like Prufrock, I come to rest,
Not ragged claws but a thoughtless droplet
Or ancient sea lily that waves
And, we have seen, walks daintily
On tip-toes across the sea floor!
In the currents I send out tendrils
Of light and vague curiosity,
The only human thing left,
As it once was, before consciousness
Trespassed, before anything was named,
Before judgment was passed.
It is mind without thought:
The brilliant void that changes not
From sunrise to sunset.
I could remain like this forever,
Simply being;
All is a luxury of torpor,
Serenity and certainty.
And if one psyche plaintively asked,
If this is all,
I should reply that for these
Several moments,
“This is just what I mean,
this is all.”
I was challenged to write a poem about laziness, but then I kept coming back to its real feat: conquering boredom. This then leads to a Zen-like state, a sort of hypnosis--my favorite drug.
Grace Oct 2018
Silence is quite unusual, really.

Because Sound is always there.
It ticks away in the background like a friendly face in a classroom on that first day at a new school; someone to greet you and wash any and all fears from the very depths of  your soul, bringing with it that ever-welcomed sense of reassurance, that everything really will be okay

The gentle sigh of inhalation.

Sound is always there.
Even in the darkest days when nothing is going right and all you want to do is curl up in a ball and cry; your ever-familiar friend will guide you into tasting the salty tears which glide seamlessly and endlessly down your cheek until suddenly they’re not and you can hear your breathing and see a glimmer of hope in the sky but you can hear your breathing and you know that you’re not alone, you’re never alone, you were never alone and after everything that has happened you finally stop and take a deep breath and think that everything really will be okay

The steady plod of a heartbeat.

Sound is always there.
It passes by, day in and day out, as reliable as the chirping of birds raising you from the depths of sleep on the first day off you’ve had in months; outwardly you curse and you groan but on the inside you don't care because you're happy and you're safe and you've got a comfortable bed and a warm home and people who love you and it is in these moments that you are really are finally sure that everything really will be okay

The careless whisper of exhalation.

Sound is always there.
Apart from when it’s not and you are left alone and scared and in the dark and there’s nothing that you can do; nothing that anyone can do and suddenly everything stops and you feel the crushing pain dominate your entire being and it is painful yet strangely relaxing yet you just want it all to stop and carry on and stop and you don't know what you want, what you should want, all you want is somebody to reassure you that everything really will be okay but you know that it won’t; you won’t; you won’t be okay ever again but all you want is your familiar friend to come back and reassure you but they won’t because they're gone now and they've just left you alone with the silence that they've always protected you from, kidding you that everything really will be okay

But it won’t.

You know it won’t.

It really is true that silence is that deafening.
ALC Oct 2018
Hold me in a dark embrace
In the black stillness of the night.
Vanish the light from the day,
Allow only the stars to come out to play.

Hide me in an obsidian blanket
Where I can sit in quite silence.
Let me disappear into the night,
Silently watching as an owl in flight.

Include me in your onyx cover
So that I may think in cleaver wonder,
As the moon creates a soothing calm
And my body stills in your nightly song.
-ALC
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