The concealer’s still fresh, I can sense.
Flawlessly, the warm tint covered me.
My lips and cheeks are rosy
Like when you first said you loved me.
All these shadows upon my eyes, smoking and bleak
I keep them closed, as I never want them open.
In darkness there is sorrow
In sorrow I found light.
My eyes- shut from many years ago
I want them open now.
Slowly, slowly, slowly
Mirror reflected such ineffable beauty.
I’m made-up.
Not because of you,
Not because of how I was to you.
I’m made up.
Darling, because I’ve made up my mind.

I find it easy to commit to someone...

perhaps that's part of the problem.

Find someone who makes you feel like the sun is something they made for you for extra credit in wood shop.
But don't find someone who needs extra credit.
There is going to be somebody that,
because of you,
will not understand what they're doing.
Or why they're doing it.
But they will do so.
Always.
I can promise you that someone will let you in.
Someone will show you that darkness can,
and will
swell.
But just like a sprained ankle,
it wont expand anywhere else.
Don't let your body enlarge into darkness.
Someone will tell you not to.
And someone will love you.
But you need to first understand that you are someone.
And that everybody who is someone needs someone.
Don't be afraid to be the one for yourself.

I’m not trying to play the victim.
I’m trying to help my situation.
I’m trying to help myself.
I’m trying to be the best I can.
I’m not trying to play the victim.
I’m trying to find solace in silence.
I’m trying to find a place where it’s ok.
I’m trying to find a place where I’m ok.
I’m not trying to be the victim.

Please don't let yourself drown in the ocean of lies.

I love to take in truth,
but act out lies.

I look for all sorts of proof,
but ignore the impending demise.

For someone in their youth,
I have a lot of worry lines.

Beating my head against you,
like a slightly saner Amanda Bynes.

You keep telling me I'm okay,
and maybe we are fine.

But there's something in the way,
I keep saying all my lines.

What is the reason for my dismay?
I believe it comes from a different time.

I keep praying you won't let me push you away.
But I've got a self-destructive rhyme.

9/2/2014
dedicated to a certain human that lingers in the back of my head*

i think people are brought into our life
for reasons beyond our understanding

i think every person we meet somehow helps us to grow,
somehow makes us stronger,
somehow helps us realize something new about ourselves or the universe

and you were that person to me

you helped me through hell without even holding my hand
all you did was speak to me
and god it felt like every word
dug a flower's stem into my heart
every syllable came across as a melody
and without even meaning to,
you brought me out of my own damnation

i believe that we will always
have some sort of strong,
unspoken,
bond because of that

you told me i made you love life
and don't you know that's the best you could do for anyone?
and don't you know that you are the reason i may still stand utop my own two feet today?

i did not have to search for you,
i did not long for you,
you were simply tossed into my life by an unnatural absurd vibration,
a vibration that i have now begun to see,
and hear

darling,
without even meaning to,
you saved me from the abyss

i was walking on coals and you stopped to help me off,
you didn't mean to,
you were simply being kind

and i live for that kindness,
i live for this vibration,
and i live for you

because for every person that kicks me back down,
i will still,
always,
think of you

© Scarlet Van Allen 2014

Sticks and stones
May break my bones,
But words...
They really hurt me...
To feel this pain,
And show it hurts,
I'll take a blade and make a cut,
Once... Or Twice...
Or maybe more..
Just to feel alive...
But that's not what I want anymore,
To feel alive...
If words never hurt me...
Then I will...
I'll take that blade and make one last cut...
And maybe then... you might stop...

But sticks and stones are what break my bones,
And words aren't meant to hurt me...

I promised only butterflies...
But that promise I cannot keep.
For inside my head there's a wailing..
A screeching...
I just want it to stop...                                         y
It wants pain..it'll stop for pain..         a
But I promised only butterflies..             w
And I don't want them to drift   *a